thanks so much Lou and Sarah...you both have helped me thru these days hugely..it seems no matter how you try to not think about whats happened to you and get on with your day u always seem to run into something (or lots of things in my case) to remind you. Like today I went to get a piercing in my ear and was sitting in the salon and a lady (her name was also kate!!) bought her newborn in to show off to everyone..it took all my strength to sit there and try and ignore them all gooing over the baby..and then the guy at the bank asked me how far along I was!! I had to tell him we lost our baby and he was so embarrased and it made me sad then I found myself trying to make him feel better coz he felt so bad for asking..gah! its everywhere I go..guess it is only early days..starting to freak a bit about the geneticist appointment in case there were any more complications..but trying to settle myself down..
I sooo know what you mean about ur relationship with ur body! I hated my body the first few weeks and tryed to starve it coz I thought my baby wasnt even alive how dare my body want to eat! Its so crazy what you think about..Im still mad at my body as I feel like it has betrayed me and my baby and feel like it wont ever be able to produce a healthy bub! Well..i must be off but thanks once again SO much!! U r angels on earth! P.s Sarah my oh would love to get married in Vegas I think!! lol
It does seem like babies are everywhere doesn't it? When I was going through it all I booked myself a hair appointment, i thought I'd get my hair done and feel a bit better about myself. I booked at a different salon as my normal salon had known I was pregnant and I didn't think I could cope with telling them what had happened. So I went for my appointment and the girl doing my hair was pregnant and due about a week after I would have been She was so lovely but I cried so much when I got home!!
Try not to worry about the genetisist . . . its best to know about these things and I'm sure it will be okay. And make sure you look after yourself - Jamari wouldn't want his mummy to be ill and you have to be on top form for growing his little brother or sister in a few months time!
oh lovely Sarah!
Thats so sad about what happened at ur hair appointment..I too just got my hair done this week for the first time since it all happened..thankfully nothing happened there as I too went to a salon where no-one knew me so no-one knew to ask..the things we angel mummies do hey..
yes it does seem like babies are everywhere..and at first I told myself I was just noticing them all becoz of what Ive been thru but now its just plain scary coz they literally are EVERYWHERE!! Its so strange...
What u said about Jamari not wanting me to be ill my mum says that to me all the time and its such a nice thought Tonight I have been thinking alot..im not sure if I mentioned it in my story or to you before but my drs believe my pregnancy started as twins..so its possible I lost two babies..and tonight I have been thinking about that..and Ive been thinking oh my gosh what if there was another little baby and I havent even thought about that like how to grieve/deal with that thought..and I truly believe..or know..deep down..I was pregnant with twins. Trumaine my oh always said from the beginning I was having twins..his dad is a twin and they are all thru both of our families. the midwives told me the other little one didnt survive to form an actual baby and absorbed into my placenta to create the molars in my tissue...so technically I guess there wasnt another baby..but at the same time there could have been..if that makes sense.
There is soo much to think about..as im sure you'd know! and yes thanku I am trying to keep positive about the geneticist appointment..counting down the days actually.
Going to see my sis in law tomoro she wants to talk to me over coffee about it all..not sure if I actually will I might be "too tired" after work...
How are you doing hun? And yes trying to take care of myself for the next one..I cant believe its been a month already!! only 5 months to go before ttc again..Im so grateful to have you to talk to Maybe our babies met in heaven and bought us together..I like to think so.
Ohhh hope you had a very happy birthday Sarah!! Did you do something special for your 3oth? Im doing okay...you know how it is sometimes your alrite then other times your drowning in it all...but overall Im starting to feel ok. I did see my sis in law..she was very defensive about why she hadnt been in contact with me she just thought i wouldnt want to talk about it..it made me mad that she would assume that but basically I just sat there and nodded and didnt say too much because shes so stubborn she wouldnt understand anyway...but anyway things are somewhat normal with her again..Im her matron of honour in her wedding next october so I guess I cant stay mad forever!
Thankyou ladies, I did have a lovely birthday thankyou We went out for lunch with my mum and dad, and my sister who came up from London which was really nice. We had a lovely meal although Oliver was tired and cried the whole time! Bless him, he was so tired but it SO nosey he wouldn't go to sleep! So we all took it in turns holding him and walking about to stop him crying Never mind, the food was still good and its just one of those things! Other than that we had a nice quiet day, which was lovely
Kate I'm sorry your SIL wasn't more understanding. I think I would do the same thing, its not worth wasting your energy been mad . . . . I guess there will always be that knowledge now that she wasn't understanding but thats her loss and not yours. She isn't worth getting mad over, you have plenty of other things to use that energy on
Hope everybodys ok!
I havent been on for a week or so i swear work is taking over my life,and ive got a poorly husband-man flu thinks hes dying of it!
Sarah... Happy birthday to you,happy birthday too you,happy birthday to Sarah,happy birthday too you! Hip hip hooray! I hope somebody pulled your hair 30 times for good luck,lol! Really glad you had a lovely day!
Dan-o... Really got my fingers crossed for this cycle for you!
I got my AF today,abit gutted as def dtd spot on this month... Had really bad ovulation pains too.
Oh well onwards and upwards to the next cycle!
Jamaris... Hope your doing ok hun? Its so normal to have good and bad days,and to think things over and over.
Sarah suggested to me to write a diary of how i was feeling it really helps,i look back now and i can see how angry or upset i was,it really does help to get your feelings out! When i was really mad i would write in capital letters,lol.
Its such a rollercoaster of emotions and its so bloody hard!
But we are here to hold your hand every step of the way and
I hope you find the support you need here and know you aren't alone.
Hi girls! Thanks so much u both r beautiful! I can't get on here much for the nx few days only on my phone as our laptop is playing up and won't connect to the Internet! Great timing. Oh I'm doing ok! And yes I am looking for a diary at the moment I think I need to write it all down to get it out I have my pregnancy journal I wrote in every week when I was pregnant and now it's jus full of I miss yous and I want u backs alongside pages that tell u what ur babys up to that week and how he's growing etc:'( so I'm going to get a diary thanku for suggesting that to me I'm sure I will be using plenty of capital letters too! Well I have news on my hcg levels they r down to 42 as of yesterday and I have them done again tomorrow before seeing the obstetrician on Friday.. I'm just itching to ttc again! Argh! It's frustrating having to wait isn't it girls. Was there/is there anything u did/do to prepare itself or occupy itself for ttc? I'm so happy u had a nice birthday Sarah, bless little Oliver lol. Can I ask ladies how soon after ur losses did u get ur first period? It's been nearly 6 wks since my loss and I stopped bleeding about a wk n a half ago and not sure when I can expect my first period? I hope it comes soon! Well I hope u r All doing well girls thanku for holding my hand! Luv to u all xo
Its good to hear that you are doing okay Really good news about your HCG levels! Def buy yourself a lovely journal, I called mine my ttc diary as I wanted it to be about looking forward and not back. It really did help.
Im not sure how long it was before I got my period - sorry! About a month maybe? I know my levels were still raised.
To help 'pass the time' when I was waiting to be able to ttc again this is what I did:
* Tracked my cycle so that when we started ttc I could spot my fertile time without getting obsessed with opks etc.
* Sold stuff on ebay - this did two things, firstly it made some room for all the baby stuff, and secondly I put the money into a savings account which has been sooooo useful
* We both joined the gym
* Steve stopped smoking
* We did some things that its hard / impossible to do with a baby - ie we went to London a few times and looked around the art gallarys etc. We also went on holiday
Lou got married
Lou Sorry to hear that this wasn't your month Fingers crossed for next month!!
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