Hi everyone! I am dearly hoping this post does not offend anyone, because I know how TOUCHY this subject can be with some... well its touchy even for me and I am the one going through it. At the beginning of my pregnancy, about 9 weeks I started having intense and insane kidney pain. I had to be rushed to the ER, I thought I was dying. They thought I had kidney stones, but it turns out that it was hydronephrosis. The position of my uterus was pressing on my ureters and causing the urine to back flow into my kidneys. Just as they have predicted, it got worse the farther along I got. I have to use a catheter to go to the bathroom and its painful all the time. At 15 weeks they decided (after several hospital admissions and ER visits) to try me on a pain medication at home to see if I was able to get some relief. I was on a narcotic called Dilaudid for about 6 weeks. In January, I was switched from a regular OB to a high risk specialist because of my conditions, I also suffer from something they call hyperemesis, so I was really sick, and still am. That doctor decided to cut me off the meds immediately and to see a pain management specialist who could come up with some other options. It took a month and half... the first pain doctor never called us back with an appointment time after about 17 calls we gave up. My OB was REFUSING to give me anything for pain, and my husband was driving me to the ER once or twice a week just because the pain reached an unbearable level (when I say unbearable I mean unable to eat, sleep, function). I was pretty much laying in bed for a month in a half and crying most of the time. I got insanely depressed, and more than once just prayed that I would die because I could not handle being in so much pain all the time. My OB was not very understanding for a long time. I am seen by a Maternal Fetal Medicine clinic, so there are about 40 different doctors in the practice. I am always seeing someone different, and no one ever remembers you or your situation. More than once I would be crying in the ER just begging them to do something, anything, my husband asking them for anything they could do, and I was given several psych evaluations as well as made to sign a release form so they could view my previous psych history (I see a psychiatrist for anxiety and panic disorder). I was hurt through all of this. I felt like they thought I was making it up, even though the tests and scans of my kidneys all showed the same thing, urine back up and severe swelling. More than once they tried convincing me that I needed to be placed on Methadone treatment because I was an addict and not really a chronic pain sufferer. Well finally at the beginning of March, literally the 1st. I was able to see a different pain management doctor. He was wonderful, he reviewed all of my tests, did an exam, and came to the conclusion that my condition was in fact causing me severe daily pain and we discussed treatment options. His approach was to use the medication that worked the first time, Dilaudid. When I took it before I was taking it around the clock every 4 hours. When they stopped the prescription the only relief I had was the blue moon script that the ER would write me sometimes. Usually for one pill or two and that was it. He said there was no reason to suffer in so much pain all the time and that it was in my best interest for me and the baby to get pain relief as soon as possible to reduce some of the stress on my body. I started back on the medication March 1st. Instead of taking it every 4 hours around the clock, I am down to taking it twice a day. Every twelve hours. I still suffer with an incredible amount of pain because the med wears off in a few hours, but it allows me the ability to get my son off to school in the morning and get a few hours of sleep at night. I am currently 29 weeks and am terrified. The past two weeks they have had me on Vicodin around the clock (which I spread out as much as possible) for third degree burns on my bump. I am waiting to have the baby so that I can get them grafted and they can start to heal. I am so worried that my little angel is going to be addicted to these medications. I feel like the worst person in the world every time I open that bottle and take one of those pills. To make matters worse, the farther along I got and the worse the pain got, the worse my panic attacks got and now I have to take anxiety medication again as well. This was strongly suggested by my OB because my panic attacks would raise my HB to about 160ish and my BP to 200/110 normally. They said that was NOT safe for the baby at all.

Sorry for this long drawn out ramble. Hopefully someone else will understand that I am not an addict, I am just in pain. Its not like I am buying the pills on the street either. My OB knows what I am taking. They have spoke with us about the risk of withdrawal on the baby at birth, but have told us there is no way to tell until he is born. I never wanted to have a pregnancy like this. What happened to it being the most wonderful experience of your life? I have been miserable and in agony for months. I cannot wait to get him here and have him in my arms. I keep having dreams that these medications are going to kill him at birth, and ask my husband repeatedly if he would hold it against me and blame me forever if something was wrong with our child at birth. He thinks I am just nuts. He keeps telling me that the doctors know I am pregnant and NEVER would have started me on a medication if they thought it was going to kill or harm the baby in some way.

Unfortunately I am past the point of no return with these medications. The downfall to being in chronic pain and having to take something for it is the inevitable fact that you will become dependent on the medications. Not addicted, just dependent. I can normally only go about 48 hours now without medications before I get insanely ill. Throwing up, agitated, etc. I cannot wait until I have the baby and this shit passes and then I can come off of them myself. Trust me, if I could have a redo, I would never pick this. I feel so guilty all the time because I have to take something like this while I am pregnant.

Sorry for the ramble... I guess my question is... are there any other moms or moms to be that suffer with chronic pain and or anxiety and are medicated throughout their pregnancy.

Please, I really would appreciate if no one made rude comments... I fight enough of my own demons and guilt trying to deal with this.

Thank you.

I have a different chronic pain problem than you, rheumatoid arthritis, and am not currently on any medications. I agree with your husband though. Your doctor will weigh the risks against the benefits and make an educated decision about any medications thy might prescribe to you. If I needed anything, I would trust my doctor with the decision.

Oh hun Thats awful you were left for so long with no pain relief I'm not pregnant atm nor am I in chronic pain but I imagine if I was I'd feel exactly as you do I did have to take antiseizure meds during my 4 pregnancies and my eldest has a mild birth defect from that so I totally get the feeling that you want to protect LO but you NEED to look after yourself

Better to do it through the doctors too, they will sort you with the correct dosages and the correct type of med to balance the relief for you and the detriment to baby.

chronic pain is no joke.

Take the pain medications now as prescribed, after your LO is born the drs can help you come off of them. It can be unpleasant but not impossible

I am so sorry you have had to go through all this