Hi everyone! I'm currently in my 12th week and have been seeing a midwife since 8 weeks. She's wonderful, and a good friend, and she's pretty confident that my pregnancy will be fairly uncomplicated. Let's hope the same for the birth.... now if only I can stop eating so much candy and avoid a sugar baby!
Anyway-- my question is about ultrasounds. DH and I have decided that we definitely want to find out the gender at 20 weeks. My midwife has a technician she recommends who works with many home birthers and who, according to the midwife, is quite good.
The other option would be a 3D/4D U/S. I think it would be wonderful to see our baby in 3D, especially since we will only be getting the one U/S and it's our only chance to see her before birth (DH is afraid U/S can harm the baby. I don't agree, but as long as I get one U/S, I don't mind him thinking so.. lol)
I've researched the accuracy of ultrasound gender determination online, and am a bit shocked at the amount of people who say their tech was completely wrong, sometimes even after several U/S.
Since we will only be getting one at 20 weeks, I'm afraid we will either not find out at all or we will be told the wrong gender! Would a 3D be more accurate? Seems to me like it should be!
Fellow home-birthers.. what did you do if you found out your baby's sex? Any issues with accuracy?
Ahh you are so lucky having a MW as a good friend - shouldn’t they all be good friends?! A relationships based on trust and a mutual understanding of each other> and if you disagree with each other, it wouldn‘t jeopardise your “friendship“? (sorry that’s my own thoughts about some Mws coming out there!;-)
So, as you say back to the question.. The technician your MW knows is she/he an ultrasound technician? Sorry but you didn’t qualify.
You are right that they can be a bit hit and miss.. Though here in the UK we are getting an accuracy rate of 98%. The reason for the 2% inaccuracy, is down to only a few reasons: 1 -is down to the experience of the sonographer and 2 - is the lie and position of the baby and how mobile they are during the scan.
It doesn’t take to much to become a bit of an amateur expert yourself.. If they are still of course and in the right position, for taking a look. Have a good search around online, there are loads of scans in different positions and very interesting.
We found out the sex of our first baby and this one.. But I was and still open minded that it might even different to what we were told, even though I called it myself with this one.
But what we did do and are doing with this one, is to not tell anyone else what the predicted sex is - it makes life so much easier - we don’t have to be bombarded with blue/pink clothing that family will pick up over the next 20 weeks. Also we bought androgynous clothing and equipment (no pink cot or buggy for DD) plus there does become a pressure on you from family and friends about what the name will be especially when you know the sex - “what about your grandfathers name?” etc. I also think there is something slightly “unromantic" about knowing and naming your child before they are born, for me it’s not superstitious, just some thing sad about calling your unborn , say David, and then after the biggest moment of their and your life, saying “David is here!” - for me it doesn’t have the same ring to it as “it’s a boy”, “it’s a girl!” and we have called him/her X
I guess what I'm trying to say is.. is it really important to know? Your 20wks scan should mostly be about detecting physically abnormalities... seeing where your placenta is. but if your view point is that you wouldn't discontinue the pregnancy even if there were indications of abnormalities.. then that doesn't really matter either way.
We found out the sex of our daughter, but not this baby (and I love the surprise element I must admit). But I did love finding out with my daughter, we saw on the 20wk scan, the 3 'lines' and they predicted girl, seemed 90% sure. Then we had a 3d private scan at 26wks and it was again confirmed girl which could very clearly be seen.
My advice would be that if you want to really enjoy the experience of finding out the sex and actually having unrushed time watching your baby, go for the 3d scan. But I'm not sure how it is over where you are, here I've always found the nhs scans a bit rushed and as Bourne said, not at all about the sex, which is fair enough. Maybe where you are it is different I'm a bit bias though as I've had such great experiences with the private scans, and not such great experiences with the standard ones.
Bourne, I'm keeping our names secret from family/friends. This time I really hate it when people start going through all the names you could chose, I just think 'hey who's baby is this?' and I know they are only well meaning but it just seems to bug me - think it's due to a WHOLE HOUR of my mum and brothers girlfriend doing it to me when I was only about 9weeks pregnant and was feeling so sick I wanted to curl up in a ball and hibernate lol
I think if you do pay for a scan, whether it's usual 2D or 3D, purely for gender determination and for one reason or another (baby in uncooperative position!) the sonographer is unable to tell you for certain, they should invite you back in a week or so for another try. Just my opinion that if you're paying for a service you should get exactly what you want from it!
It was really funny when we went for the 20 week scan, actually I was something like 22 weeks at the time, and we had decided all along that we wanted to know. OH and I were looking at the screen while the sonographer was checking all the anatomy, then OH says to me "I know what we're having!" with a big grin. The sonographer then started making a fuss because she couldn't see the bottom of the spine due to position, so got up and went for a walk, came back and she still couldn't see it. She looked for the sex, but no joy there either as she said "I don't see any definite boy parts... it's either a girl or its not!"
Went back a week later for another so they could confirm the skin was closed over the spine. The sonographer this time seemed much more senior and experienced, younger than the previous woman but less fussy and just seemed to take more of an interest and took his time over everything. Announced "oh, you're definitely expecting a boy, due to the presence of a 'middle wicket'" which made us laugh! And sure enough, it was crystal clear on the screen, definitely no mistaking it was a boy.
I think the point being if you have any choice over sonographer to choose a very experienced one. Be prepared for baby to not want to show you, but I drunk an ice cold can of Coke about half an hour before I went in the second time on recommendation of a friend who'd had the same happen to her, sure enough baby bounced all over the place and showed us the goods!
Bournefree, I AM lucky to have a midwife friend! She is one of only 3 midwives in town, I think, and I feel completely comfortable with her. Whenever I have a question I can text or email, and I'm sure she would love to listen for the heartbeat anytime between appointments and such, too. (I'm just hesitant to ask.. because at the 10 week appointment we couldn't find the heartbeat, and it was disappointing.. I'd rather wait another 2 weeks and have a much greater chance of actually hearing it!)
The technician my MW knows is an ultrasound tech, yes. She works with many of the home birth clients in the area.
I'm really a very impatient person, and I don't think I can wait to find out the gender until the birth. I know many say it's a wonderful reward after all that hard labor... but I think holding my baby will be all the reward I need I think knowing the gender will make the baby more "real" to me.... right now it's still hard for me to believe that there's an actual person growing inside of me. Plus, I dislike calling the baby an "it". Not telling anyone else the gender might be a good idea, though... I'm not a fan of all-pink girls or all-blue boys. The nursery will definitely be neutral colored.
As for names-- so FAR we haven't been bothered much about them, but I'm sure it will get worse. Seems like most of our friends and family respect our wishes pretty well, though, and haven't come up with hideous comments whenever we talked about our ideas for names. Of course, it helps that we only have immediate family nearby. My entire extended family lives in Germany (so no crazy-aunt comments), and my husband's live on the east and west coast, while we live right in the middle of the US. So, everyone is a safe distance away, and we're left with supportive parents and siblings and cool friends who, so far, have kept their opinions to themselves ;-)
The scan will definitely be for gender determination only. Thanks for all your thoughts and ideas!
That is really good. I agree with Rachie, and would say that if you are paying for it.. then you should be able to go back and back untill you get a anwser. They are pretty accurate... and if in the tiny chance it is worng, then you won't have the blue or pink room setup! ;-)
I really liked the knowing, but not letting anyone else know that we did last time, which is why we are doing the same thing this time... and surprisingly it's not that hard of a secret to keep.
We had our "20 week ultrasound" around 17 weeks, just cause we were impatient
Anyhow, the ultrasound guy was really nice, and experienced.
He within a few minutes knew she was a girl.
I was shocked that he told us it was a girl so quickly , so I thought he was wrong.
Our midwife has an ultrasound machine in her office , but she doesn't use it for diagnostics, only to take a peek at the baby once in a while.. and she has confirmed over and over that our baby is indeed a girl.
It just depends on your baby's position and if your ultrasound tech is experienced or not. But I think nowadays, it's easier for them to determine the gender .. cause of all the fancy equipment.
The 2D u/s is fairly accurate. Sometimes it can be wrong because while in the womb and for awhile after birth a girl's labias can be very swollen or have a large clitoris resembling a penis or testicles. A baby boy can sometimes have a small penis/testicles resembling labias. We found out with each of our boys with 1 u/s and it was correct. We won't be finding out next time though. I would stick with a 2D u/s. A 3D or 4D should be reserved for those who are having complications and need to use that type of ultrasound to find answers.
You should find out from the technician which one he's more comfortable performing a gender scan with. Maybe he's really old school and could actually find out better on the 2D than the 3D. Though I will admit 3D is pretty awesome and if you're gonna go for one, might as well go all out right? hahaha.
For me knowing the sex of our baby and naming her was the greatest thing I could have done. At the time I was just like you and totally impatient. I knew the second I got pregnant I would just HAVE to know. So we found out at 16 + 2 weeks and had a name at 16 + 3. I personally had a little bit of rough goings after the delivery and so wasn't able to see her for awhile. When I finally did I had no idea who she was and was determined she wasn't mine (she didn't look like me or hubby! lol) But because everyone called her Phoebe and I was calling her Phoebe I was conjuring up images of how bonded I became with her when she was in my tummy. I would have loads of "conversations" with my Phoebe. So to me personally it was finding out the gender, naming her, and having everyone else around me already have a relationship with my bump "Phoebe" that healed me a lot fast mentally.
Not saying that will become the case with you at all. Just charing my experience that it helped me bond is all.
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