Single mommas being home alone after birth?

sannod · Apr 7th, 2012, 10:54 AM

Hello,

I am planning a home water birth and have faced considerable opposition from family and friends to the point that it may just be my midwife and doula present. I have just recently separated from my husband and although I hope he will come around I don't think he will.

So now I am left with this question that I never thought about until recently reading different articles on homebirth. Was anyone stopped from having a homebirth because they would be staying alone the first night? I don't really care to have my mom stay as she would probably try to make me move in with her instead

It just never occurred to me because I had always envisioned my husband and I curling up in our own bed after the birth

It makes sense since I would need someone to perhaps monitor me in case a complication like excessive bleeding arrises but i'm just not sure what the protocal is and I don't see midwife till end of the week (also havent mentioned the separation yet, guess I should)

midget em · Apr 8th, 2012, 04:22 AM

Oh hun that doesn't sound like a great situation to be in. I'm not really sure if it's risky to be on your own but I can imagine you maybe just not wanting to be. If you don't want family there have you got a close friend you could ask instead? x

sannod · Apr 8th, 2012, 09:05 AM

No, unfortunately I had to cut ties with many of my friends because they didn't understand my choices to be with my husband because I had to make alot of cultural choices (he is West African). Ironic now that he has left me. I may be able to get my sister to stay, the issue with my mom like I said is she would try to make me come live with her and I know that would not be the best choice for me mentally as it really hinders my bonding with my kids as my mom kind of takes over. Plus she may just say no to force me into the hospital. As I said they are completely against my homebirth despite my giving them 10 months to research and get used to it. I suppose it will all work out in the end and once babes here someone will come around.

midget em · Apr 9th, 2012, 04:29 AM

I hope things work out for you and I'm sorry I've not got any real advise. I'm a great believer in everything happens for a reason and will work out for the best in the end. Even if you don't realise it at the time. Keep your chin up and stick to what you want x

aliss · Apr 9th, 2012, 11:32 AM

Hi, what about a postpartum doula? I will be having one myself (I'm not single). You can get them to come visit for a few hours each day and they can keep an eye on you.

sannod · Apr 9th, 2012, 12:02 PM

Thanks but I can barely afford the doula for the birth :-) I guess I will just have to wait and see from the midwife Thursday if it is a rule to have someone with you or not. I'm just hoping it doesn't effect my eligibility for a homebirth. I'm totally confident I can take care of myself I just don't want to be denied for any reason other than a valid medical one.

thanks for your replies :-)

aliss · Apr 9th, 2012, 12:26 PM

Aw

Well, do contact the doula association anyways, sometimes they are willing when it comes to women in situation like yours - many doulas in training might be available to assist.

Cjackord · Apr 9th, 2012, 14:09 PM

If you were a single mom who had a hospital birth, how long would you be tended to after the birth anyway? Then you'd be home alone either way... I completely understand the concern, but thinking about it logically, does it really matter what place you give birth in if you haven't got the support afterwards? Also, I'm in the US, but here midwives won't leave you until you are stable and resting. The absolute soonest would be 2 hours post-birth but I've heard the average is around 5 or 6. Will there be no one to check in on you afterwards? What about a new mom's group? I'm sure there would absolutely be someone willing to come and see how things are going.

I'm sorry you're in a crummy situation. This should be such a wonderful and beautiful time in your life, and it's a shame that those closest to you aren't showing you the support you need so that you can enjoy it.

loobylou29 · Apr 15th, 2012, 04:38 AM

I had my 2nd daughter Bailey in hospital whilst I was single and no mention was made of who would be with me after the delivery, I went home about 2 hours after having her and knew all my friends and family would not be staying with me, I also had my 1st daughter who was 4/5 at the time and tbh it didnt even cross my mind that I would be alone as I had been pregnant and alone anyway. I think as long as you dont let yourself dwell on the point you will be fine just try and keep your happy new mummy hormones flowing

xxxx

mum2jess · Apr 25th, 2012, 09:13 AM

I don't know if there are any rules about it, but I don't think it would be ideal to be at home alone immediately after birth. I would try to get a friend or family member to stay for at least the first night, or forego the labour doula and hire a postnatal one instead.

Apr 7th, 2012, 10:54 AM	#1
sannod Pregnant (Expecting) Active BnB Member Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: bc canada Posts: 238	Single mommas being home alone after birth? Hello, I am planning a home water birth and have faced considerable opposition from family and friends to the point that it may just be my midwife and doula present. I have just recently separated from my husband and although I hope he will come around I don't think he will. So now I am left with this question that I never thought about until recently reading different articles on homebirth. Was anyone stopped from having a homebirth because they would be staying alone the first night? I don't really care to have my mom stay as she would probably try to make me move in with her instead It just never occurred to me because I had always envisioned my husband and I curling up in our own bed after the birth It makes sense since I would need someone to perhaps monitor me in case a complication like excessive bleeding arrises but i'm just not sure what the protocal is and I don't see midwife till end of the week (also havent mentioned the separation yet, guess I should)

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Apr 8th, 2012, 04:22 AM	#2
midget em Pregnant (Expecting) Active BnB Member Join Date: Aug 2011 Location: UK Posts: 245	Oh hun that doesn't sound like a great situation to be in. I'm not really sure if it's risky to be on your own but I can imagine you maybe just not wanting to be. If you don't want family there have you got a close friend you could ask instead? x

Status: Offline

Apr 8th, 2012, 09:05 AM	#3
sannod Pregnant (Expecting) Active BnB Member Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: bc canada Posts: 238	No, unfortunately I had to cut ties with many of my friends because they didn't understand my choices to be with my husband because I had to make alot of cultural choices (he is West African). Ironic now that he has left me. I may be able to get my sister to stay, the issue with my mom like I said is she would try to make me come live with her and I know that would not be the best choice for me mentally as it really hinders my bonding with my kids as my mom kind of takes over. Plus she may just say no to force me into the hospital. As I said they are completely against my homebirth despite my giving them 10 months to research and get used to it. I suppose it will all work out in the end and once babes here someone will come around.

Status: Offline

Apr 9th, 2012, 04:29 AM	#4
midget em Pregnant (Expecting) Active BnB Member Join Date: Aug 2011 Location: UK Posts: 245	I hope things work out for you and I'm sorry I've not got any real advise. I'm a great believer in everything happens for a reason and will work out for the best in the end. Even if you don't realise it at the time. Keep your chin up and stick to what you want x

Status: Offline

Apr 9th, 2012, 11:32 AM	#5
aliss AutoSignup (SAAB) BnB Spammer Elite Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Québec Posts: 24,405	Hi, what about a postpartum doula? I will be having one myself (I'm not single). You can get them to come visit for a few hours each day and they can keep an eye on you.

Status: Offline

Apr 9th, 2012, 12:02 PM	#6
sannod Pregnant (Expecting) Active BnB Member Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: bc canada Posts: 238	Thanks but I can barely afford the doula for the birth :-) I guess I will just have to wait and see from the midwife Thursday if it is a rule to have someone with you or not. I'm just hoping it doesn't effect my eligibility for a homebirth. I'm totally confident I can take care of myself I just don't want to be denied for any reason other than a valid medical one. thanks for your replies :-)

Status: Offline

Apr 9th, 2012, 12:26 PM	#7
aliss AutoSignup (SAAB) BnB Spammer Elite Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Québec Posts: 24,405	Aw Well, do contact the doula association anyways, sometimes they are willing when it comes to women in situation like yours - many doulas in training might be available to assist.

Status: Offline

Apr 9th, 2012, 14:09 PM	#8
Cjackord Pregnant (Expecting) Active BnB Member Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: temecula, ca Posts: 59	If you were a single mom who had a hospital birth, how long would you be tended to after the birth anyway? Then you'd be home alone either way... I completely understand the concern, but thinking about it logically, does it really matter what place you give birth in if you haven't got the support afterwards? Also, I'm in the US, but here midwives won't leave you until you are stable and resting. The absolute soonest would be 2 hours post-birth but I've heard the average is around 5 or 6. Will there be no one to check in on you afterwards? What about a new mom's group? I'm sure there would absolutely be someone willing to come and see how things are going. I'm sorry you're in a crummy situation. This should be such a wonderful and beautiful time in your life, and it's a shame that those closest to you aren't showing you the support you need so that you can enjoy it.

Status: Offline

Apr 15th, 2012, 04:38 AM	#9
loobylou29 Pregnant (Expecting) Active BnB Member Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: ashton under lyne Posts: 290	I had my 2nd daughter Bailey in hospital whilst I was single and no mention was made of who would be with me after the delivery, I went home about 2 hours after having her and knew all my friends and family would not be staying with me, I also had my 1st daughter who was 4/5 at the time and tbh it didnt even cross my mind that I would be alone as I had been pregnant and alone anyway. I think as long as you dont let yourself dwell on the point you will be fine just try and keep your happy new mummy hormones flowing xxxx

Status: Offline

Apr 25th, 2012, 09:13 AM	#10
mum2jess Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Posts: 101	I don't know if there are any rules about it, but I don't think it would be ideal to be at home alone immediately after birth. I would try to get a friend or family member to stay for at least the first night, or forego the labour doula and hire a postnatal one instead.

Status: Offline

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