A little about my journey so far - any similar experiences?
Hi everyone! I'm glad to have found this forum to connect with other ladies ttc. I want to share my experiences so far and see if any one else has had anything similar in their journey.
My husband and I have been a couple for 5 1/2 years, but are recently married in December 2010 - so only married for 6 months. We began trying for a child right away after the wedding. When we have one it will be our first (born).
The very first month of trying I was convinced I was pregnant - like 90% sure. I had so many "symptoms" super tired, achy feeling, flushed in my chest, tingly feeling in my hands, bloated, gassy, dizzy sometimes, slightly tender breasts, mild nausea for small periods of time. I had to wait 2 weeks to know for sure... I tested before my period was actually late and it was negative. I didn't really believe it and thought it just wasn't showing up because it was early still. I felt so strange and out of sorts. I ended up getting my period (it was a couple days later than normal). Very disappointed! I guess the mind is so powerful that it can fool your body - I wanted to create a baby sooo bad that it felt like I was preggers.
The second and third month no luck (and no weird feelings). I was frustrated and worried. I've always feared not being able to have children. I never realized that getting pregnant was such hard work!! It seems so unfair that so many pregnancies aren't planned (or sometimes wanted) and THOSE are the ones that happen without problems.
The fourth cycle of trying - I felt my ovulation happen (I do many months) We'd made love during my whole fertile time so I was really confident about how our timing was. When my period didn't come on the day I expected I was surprised - after 2 more days I started wondering if it had actually happened this time. Each time I went to the bathroom I was really anxious - expecting that I'd find blood when I wiped. I took a HPT on the 33rd day - my cycles are never this long. It was POSITIVE! Thrilled- called to find out when to schedule my first prenatal exam and was shocked that the Dr. want to wait until 10 weeks. Ok...
I had 2 blissful days. Had "baby on the brain" continually! Then unfortunately I started bleeding. After a few days of light, dark brown flow I called the Dr. when I saw some clots in it. They had me come in for blood work. My HCG level was only 235 - which is very low (at 5 weeks). To see how I was trending I went in again the next day. HCG levels are supposed to double every 24-48 hours. Mine only rose to 249... not good at all. Dr. told me that a miscarriage was highly likely. This news was they day before Easter. We'd hoped to tell our families.
The MC happened naturally (no D&C) between Easter and Mother's Day. It was painful and scary. An emotional roller-coaster. I went through all the stages of grief. I'm thankful that it happened to me early on - it is still a loss, but the longer it would have gone on the more attached I would have been. I can't even put myself in the shoes of mothers who have had still births. It wasn't fun to tell our parents what happened. (will be the first grand-baby on both sides). We had to wait 1 cycle before trying again - that mostly brings us to present day.
I have wanted to have a baby for a long time - I've ready stack of pregnancy and parenting books over the past few years. Now if I get pregnant again it takes away some of the innocence and joy of it. I know I'll be continuously worried. I do feel good that we now know we're not infertile - we did create something, this time it wasn't viable- next time there isn't any higher risk.
So this current cycle is our first after the MC that we could possible be pregnant again. I HATE the 2WW!!! Waiting in general seems to be what all of this is about. Each month waiting to see if you're pregnant, waiting to see if HCG is rising or falling - in my case waiting to see when the bleeding will finally stop, waiting to try again.
I'm approx 4-6 dpo - I don't know if this is too soon to have implanted yet, but I keep having twinges in my uterous. I've been tired and cranky. Headaches for a few days in a row now. I hope that I'm pregnant! This June I turned 27 and my husband 31. If we've conceived this cycle it would be the best birthday present to the both of us ever.
I'm so obsessed with everything "baby." I've been looking at all the gear online and watching tutorial videos and reading articles. It's like I can't think about anything else. I feel like I need my baby fix each day - I go to stores just to look at all the stuff. I've even ordered the crib bedding set I liked the most already just to be sure I'd get it (if it were discontinued before it's my time). Am I crazy?
I know everyone says to relax and just let what happens happen -but it's hard when you want something so much to not be able to "do"anything about it. I'm not stressed - I'm staying relaxed... I exercise regularly, get lots of rest etc. I just want a baby NOW. I don't think it's bad to be prepared - I'm an overachiever by nature so I think it's good to learn as much as I can before I do need to "worry"about it.
Anyways -this is starting to seem like a novel. I have a lot more I could say, but at least this is the basics of my story. I wanted to put it out there and see if anyone has any thoughts. It's helpful for me to connect with people. I don't have too many people I can talk to about all of this (and I don't want to drive my husband crazy by talking about it all the time to him).
Just wanted to say that I totally get where your coming from. I've been with my DH for 5yrs next Thursday and married for almost 3. We ttc for 1.5yrs before we finally got our I too was baby crazy during the ttc period, reading up on so much pregnancy stuff and looking at all the gorgeous baby things at the store, I even started knitting a baby blanket (that unfortunately unravelled during a move from place to place).
I'm sorry about your loss. I too had one, although before we were actively ttc, an unexpecked surprise. I lost my little one a week after finding out, so no d&c like you, more of a heavier period with clots. It's true, no matter how early or late a loss is a loss.
I hope that you receive your much wanted really soon. That way you can really go nuts with all the cute baby stuff!
I can relate - im 25, got married in October, had my first early miscarriage 3 weeks ago, im "patiently" waiting for my AF, we were supposed to wait until after my first real AF to ttc again, but we BD'd once before we knew of any of this.
I felt saddened too, and still do, and you're right about the innocense being take away, i sort of feel jaded by the whole pregnancy thing. My husband endured a sitation with still birth at 40 weeks (day before the due date, the babies heart stopped beating). so he certainly feels upset about this as well.
I hope that this could be your month, and hey - maybe mine too. I am 9dpo and have a few symptoms, but who can really tell, im probably tired and cranky most of the time anyways lol.
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