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Old Jun 21st, 2013, 14:53 PM   1
aymz1983
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7 year old daughter issues. Long post, apologies


sorry. I cannot think of an appropriate thread title, I've just got so much swirling around my head regarding my daughter, who is 7 (8 in November)

I've booked her a doctor appointment for Monday morning for issues regarding her ways of dealing with anger, sadness and boredom, her behaviour and some other issues.

Basically, she has started to pick herself until she bleeds. A few weeks ago, she would scratch her arm when she couldn't get her own way, or when she was being told off. Of course, putting it down to attention seeking we tried to get her to stop it.
Over the past few weeks, what were miniscule dots on her arm have now turned into 5 huge spots, which she picks on an almost daily basis. She does this out of sight of us, as opposed to the beginning when it was in front of us. She picks until she bleeds and the spots just do not have time to heal. The might start scabbing over but then off that comes. They are like mini craters in her arm. She's been picking them at school as she's been bored, she says she has no one to play with at lunch although I do not know how much of this is true as she does have friends which she plays with.
She will pick them at home when she is angry because we've told her off, or because she can't have her own way. usually she storms off upstairs and ends up doing it there. I've tried putting plasters over them, but mysteriously the plasters find a way to come off in such a way I have to take the whole lot off. We've tried making agreements with her, saying if she doesn't pick for x amount we'll get her the one thing she wants, and she's been agreeable, but the next day it is square one.

Her behaviour over the past few months/year has been challenging at times, which seems to be increasing. I'm not sure how much is just normal behaviour, I don't know if she's reaching puberty early, although this worries me as a) her age and b) I can barely cope with her moods now let alone when she'll get her periods. I like to think I can be a patient, calm person, except when she's got one on her, I can feel myself getting angrier and angrier. She shouts, and she never listens, I'll ask her to do something and she'll ignore me, or start then not finish and I have to keep asking her, which causes arguments because then i'm 'picking' on her, she whinges and cries when she can't have her own way, and sometimes she'll go to smack us or something, although that's not all the time. Getting her to do anything that she doesn't want to do is like getting blood out of a stone, and just takes forever because she drags it out as long as she can, usually until arguments get worse and she's sent upstairs or she storms off herself.

It's hard to explain in words because there is no way to get just how depressing it can be with her sometimes. Today for example, I've had to really breathe and calm myself because I felt like I could have really smacked her one. I sometimes end up saying horrid things to her, and she goes off and sulks...she doesn't cry anymore if I do that which makes me feel even worse, because I worry I'm doing irreparable damage to our relationship, even though I always apologise after. I'm sick of telling her off for things, even when she's not in a mood she can be just acting silly. in Sainsburys i had to keep telling ehr to get off the trolley, or she makes loud noises not unlike those my toddler makes, or she's running around...

I'm trying really hard (but failing!) not to cry as I write this. I love my daughter more than life itself, when she is in a good mood we get along so well, we have cuddles and she is my wonderful, perfect little girl, who'll do painting, and drawing and crafts, or sit and put clothes on her teddies. Its just the moods, the whinging, the crying, the not listening, the pulling faces and disrespect when she's being told off, the silliness....I don't know what to do when she's like it, it's getting to the point when i really cannot cope with her like it and I just feel like walking away.

How horrible does that sound? Does anyone have any similar experiences with their children daughters in particular? Is it just mine?

If you've managed to get this far, then thank you for reading



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Old Jun 21st, 2013, 14:56 PM   2
aymz1983
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Should add that thursday morning, i spoke to her teacher in the morning, I asked how she was doing at school and I got that everything was fine. I said how her picking had become a cause for concern for me, and she had done it because she was bored as she apparently had no one to do it with, and that she was doing it at home for other reasons etc and her teacher said she would have a talk with her, see if there was anything at school that was the matter, although I've spoken to my daughter, and she hasn't spoken with the teacher as yet.



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Old Jun 21st, 2013, 17:17 PM   3
Belle25
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Hi Hun,

As a mum of a 7 year old girl, I can tell you they can be hard work sometimes. I can feel for you in this situation.

My daughter too has moods-she storms upstairs when she doesn't get her own way, cries over silly things. Listens to conversations behind doors!

Have you noticed any triggers? Any major changes in your lives going on? Children sometimes can't convey feelings so it manifests itself in behaviour such as the skin picking.

It can be so hard to do, but be calm with her, talk slowly when she acts up. Look in her eyes, be firm.

I would spend some nice one on one time with her, doing something fun. When she's all relaxed ask her about why she picks her skin and gets angry.

Could she be competing for attention with your toddler? My daughter does that sometimes by acting younger.
Xx



 
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Old Jun 22nd, 2013, 04:52 AM   4
aymz1983
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I can't think of anything in particular that could be setting her off, unless it is vying for attention as a lot of my time is spent with youngest. But I do spend time with her - we went out picking flowers the other day for her flower press, and we have our silly moments. Just breaks my heart when I dwell on it, I just want her to be happy



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Old Jun 22nd, 2013, 13:48 PM   5
Amy_T
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Wow, apart from the skin picking this sounds like my 7 year old (8 in September)! It's reassuring in a way that its not just mine. With my daughter I know she is hormonal... It just all fits, she has to wear deodorant, has hair under her arms etc but it doesn't make it any easier to cope with.

I don't have much advice, we try to find something to use as a consequence for her actions (taking something away etc) but sometimes it makes no difference and she will just say "so" whilst pulling a face. I have often had to walk away as can get so frustrated but she responds much better to us being calm.

Think you're doing all the right things, I've been advised that when they go up to junior school (if you're in UK) they calm down a bit as they're back to being the little fish in the big pond!



 
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Old Jun 22nd, 2013, 17:13 PM   6
Belle25
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aymz1983 View Post
I can't think of anything in particular that could be setting her off, unless it is vying for attention as a lot of my time is spent with youngest. But I do spend time with her - we went out picking flowers the other day for her flower press, and we have our silly moments. Just breaks my heart when I dwell on it, I just want her to be happy
Aww you sound a lovely caring mummy. Picking flowers with her sounds fun.

Perhaps she is still adjusting to to being the only one still, you could be right regarding the vying for attention-I get that in this house!
Xx



 
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Old Jun 24th, 2013, 13:01 PM   7
CandyDay
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Be sure to praise her for the good things that she does. Sometime positive re-inforcement helps. Let some of the negative stuff she does slide (if it won't hurt her or others) and praise her lots when she does good things. At the end of the day when she is ready for bed sit in bed with her and talk about all the good things that she did that day. Let her know how happy they make you and don't talk about the bad things. Give her treats when she does something good or wrap up some little presents and when she does something that is really good or makes you happy or helps you or siblings out give her a present and let her know what good thing she did that you are giving it to her for. Just do it for the really good things occasionally so that she doesn't always expect it.



 
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Old Jun 27th, 2013, 16:11 PM   8
Midnight_Fairy
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No advice on the hurting but my 7yr old can be a stroppy madam too xx



 
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