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Old Oct 26th, 2016, 00:31 AM   11
tommyg
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I think you handled it well. I would as others have suggested try to give him some 1 to 1 time. Realistically 3 month olds are boring. You might find he will become more positive towards her in another few months, once she can sit up and interact a little better.



 
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Old Oct 26th, 2016, 02:21 AM   12
caz_hills
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Oh blimey you poor thing - what a tough thing to hear. I agree with others you handled it so well. You didn't make a fuss about it and were calm. He doesn't realise what he is saying - kids often say mean things as they don't understand what hey mean.

I agree with others - if you can try to carve out some one on one time for him and you and also maybe games where he and the baby can be together and do fun things rather than him seeing the baby as a nuisance.

I don't knwtheanswer but I do hope things improve. I'm sure it was a one off x



 
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Old Oct 26th, 2016, 16:10 PM   13
Septie
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Wow, That must have been soooo difficult to hear . I think overall you handled it well, but I would pursue this a bit more. What concerns me here is not as much that he said this, but that he said this while the baby was not bothering him - just sitting in her swing, and while he was himself not visibly upset for some other reason (so the statement was not part of an angry outburst where a lot of things get said, if ykwim). I would certainly ask him why he would like to kill her. He'll probably say all the usual - that she is boring, takes all the time etc, or maybe he won't know how to articulate it. I would also emphasize that she will be more fun/less demanding etc one she is older, and that she will look up to him etc (does he get along with his other sibling?) And for the next few weeks/months (depending on how their relationship develops), I would not leave the two of them together without an adult present.



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Old Oct 26th, 2016, 17:18 PM   14
minties
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Thank you all so much. I will definitely try and spend more time one-on-one with him, we've stayed by having special "mum and Thomas time" each evening after dinner.

Thomas is mildly autistic, and does struggle with empathy and forming friendships.

He really likes Sophie and I feel like there is such a massive age gap that Emma will always be the "baby" and no one will like her. Sophie is kind and gentle with Emma but still not particularly interested in her. But like you have all said I guess babies are pretty boring! Emma does laugh and smile and try to touch the kids faces. Thomas does like it when she grabs and holds things and finds it hilarious when she's holding one of his toys and laughs very loudly.

He says he hates babies and doesn't like Emma. He's never shown any aggression towards her at all and will avoid her rather than go close to her (so no pushing, poking or hitting or anything like that). He kind of treats her like a scary spider I suppose. Avoid at all costs.

I don't ever leave babies alone with kids or dogs, those are my rules. He never approaches Emma unless I call him over anyway. I don't think he wants to hurt her, he's upset that she seems to be the priority and struggles to express his feelings.

He is kind to animals. I don't think he realised what he was really saying.

I've tried to involve him more with her in the past but he's not keen and will get upset if I push the issue. He also nearly vomits if he sees her poo-ey nappies so that's another thing that makes him not like her.



 
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Old Oct 26th, 2016, 18:03 PM   15
Septie
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Looks like you've got things covered then! The age gaps between my kids are similar (my eldest was about to turn 6 and my middle kid about to turn 4 when the baby arrived). My older two have always been sweet and loving towards the baby, and have always thought he was cute. But now that the baby is a toddler (14 months old) - they both really quite like interacting with him. Indeed, my middle kid, in particular, spends quite some time playing with him, and even the eldest is very proud when the baby imitates him or plays with him. Toddlers are fun; 3 months old babies, not so much (at least to the eyes of a kid). So things may improve for you!



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Old Oct 27th, 2016, 06:34 AM   16
Bex84
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I would definitely think he didn't understand (with dd class I have heard a few kill comments from boys especially due to superhero influence so don't think unusual) I'm sure when older they will be closer. I am close to my older sister who is 5 years old as is my younger sister where 7 year gap.



 
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Old Oct 30th, 2016, 14:23 PM   17
noon_child
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When my brother was nearly 5 and I was a few months old, my mum found him spitting at me in the cot and saying he hated me.

Fast forward and he totally doted on me. Yes of course we had fights and in the tween and teen years I wasn't always his best pal but in general he was very protective of me and loving. He is a totally soppy person,hates arguments, always apologises etc. so this was very out of character. He was just expressing the fact that my presence had turned his reality upside down, there wasn't as much time for him and I cried a lot and didn't do anything interesting.

I think you handled it really well by the way.



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Old Apr 23rd, 2017, 23:11 PM   18
minties
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Thank you all so much! I like when people update their threads, so here's an update now that Emma is 9 months old.

The older kids really like her now! Thomas especially! He's the first one to go in and see her when she wakes up, he spends a lot of time getting her to laugh, crawl after him and babble. I am so happy - and most importantly Thomas is a lot happier. Sophie also enjoys Emma more now, and even gave her a kiss and a cuddle today. Very rare for Sophie to do that with anyone!

I didn't press the kids into anything and just encouraged kind behaviours, and things fell into place.



 
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Old Apr 24th, 2017, 07:47 AM   19
superfrizbee
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That's lovely to hear!



 
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Old Apr 24th, 2017, 16:34 PM   20
SarahBear
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Quote:
Originally Posted by minties View Post
Thank you all so much! I like when people update their threads, so here's an update now that Emma is 9 months old.

The older kids really like her now! Thomas especially! He's the first one to go in and see her when she wakes up, he spends a lot of time getting her to laugh, crawl after him and babble. I am so happy - and most importantly Thomas is a lot happier. Sophie also enjoys Emma more now, and even gave her a kiss and a cuddle today. Very rare for Sophie to do that with anyone!

I didn't press the kids into anything and just encouraged kind behaviours, and things fell into place.
Awesome! Glad things are going well for you . I think that when you don't force them into it, it gives them time to process through their emotions rather than being forced to pretend their emotions are different. Forcing it can lead to additional resentment and resistance.



 
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