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Old Feb 13th, 2017, 12:05 PM   11
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Originally Posted by lau86 View Post
What are you wanting the teacher to do? it sounds like his problems are related to his medical issues?
Well to begin wiyh i wanted to warn her of the signs that we notice his behaviour is going to get bad. Then i wanted to discuss a reward system or something similar that wpuld be consistant with school and home to help manage his behaviour. I was hoping she could share what they use in school and we could use the same at home, previously he has had a reward chart for school and home once he collected x amount of stickers between them he got a treat. Now im just annoyed that they keep telling me he is a good kid when ever i try to tell them that he has had a rough night so is emotional, or that his behaviours been bad that morning.
Im not talking not listening or not picking up his toys, i mean more throwing stuff at people, getting in our faces, hitting us.
Since the health vistor wont see him, and the school nurse says its not what she deals with, we have no idea how to manage the bad days and everything we try fails untill it eventually passes. And it does eventaully pass, for a few weeks. But while he is displaying such aggression, its awful.



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Old Feb 14th, 2017, 22:41 PM   12
Apple111
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Hi hon, didn't want to read and run. Sorry you and oh are going throug this with your little boy.. Just wanted to share my experience with u. My little boy , just coming up 4 had to have emergency op last year to remove tonsils and adds. ( still on waiting list even in emergency) This was due to sleep apnea. My little boy was always full on, there is a big gap between him and our older children so we always put it down to him being a bit spoilt😉.. We were really surprised at the difference in him after the op, he definately seemed to settle down, wasnt half as moody, speech came on loads, and just generally seemed a nicer and happier little boy..this was also noticed by his nursery.. They said they noticed a big difference in him and I hadn't prompted that they just commented one day..

I do agree, although it sounds like u r that it's important to push services. In the end my oh emailed the consultant ( head of that department) and explained the severity of our concerns , saying that my son was stopping breathing at night, and he got back to us and we were seen within a couple of weeks for the op, we were told 6 months by his understudy the day before in a consultation. Id explain the impact it is having in his home , school life and exaggerate if needed, not that you should have to.. You could even ask if you could be seen quicker at another hospital as its normally a day case so u should be home same night if all is well.

Regarding his behaviour, I work in mental health and oh has a lot to do with childrens services/ camhs. It might be worth giving camhs a call directly and asking them if they could send you out any information on interventions to try and help with his behaviour. There are so many things they do in addition to reward charts and they support the parents as well. Maybe trying making things into games to try and understand some of his feelings, using art and pictures, ect. I find that when I bake with my little boy and talk at same time I get loads of Information from him. With my teenager I have Sussed that if I take him for a drive and put music on ( he is always singing ) he chills out and I drop the odd question in and get to know how he is that way) I'm sure CAHMS waiting lists would be really long but they might send h out some u go or be able to advise. I'm not suggesting he needs referring at this stage but if someone calls me at work im happy to send info x

I hope you get things sorted soon. You sound like u and you oh are doing a great job. It's so difficult. He sounds like a good little boy underneath just going through a difficult patch ..also im not sure if u mentioned if his sister was older of younger? Only mentioning as my Older ds def changed when sibling arrived so I made sure I had mummy day just me and him x

Apple xx



 
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Old Feb 15th, 2017, 14:20 PM   13
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Originally Posted by Apple111 View Post
Hi hon, didn't want to read and run. Sorry you and oh are going throug this with your little boy.. Just wanted to share my experience with u. My little boy , just coming up 4 had to have emergency op last year to remove tonsils and adds. ( still on waiting list even in emergency) This was due to sleep apnea. My little boy was always full on, there is a big gap between him and our older children so we always put it down to him being a bit spoilt😉.. We were really surprised at the difference in him after the op, he definately seemed to settle down, wasnt half as moody, speech came on loads, and just generally seemed a nicer and happier little boy..this was also noticed by his nursery.. They said they noticed a big difference in him and I hadn't prompted that they just commented one day..

I do agree, although it sounds like u r that it's important to push services. In the end my oh emailed the consultant ( head of that department) and explained the severity of our concerns , saying that my son was stopping breathing at night, and he got back to us and we were seen within a couple of weeks for the op, we were told 6 months by his understudy the day before in a consultation. Id explain the impact it is having in his home , school life and exaggerate if needed, not that you should have to.. You could even ask if you could be seen quicker at another hospital as its normally a day case so u should be home same night if all is well.

Regarding his behaviour, I work in mental health and oh has a lot to do with childrens services/ camhs. It might be worth giving camhs a call directly and asking them if they could send you out any information on interventions to try and help with his behaviour. There are so many things they do in addition to reward charts and they support the parents as well. Maybe trying making things into games to try and understand some of his feelings, using art and pictures, ect. I find that when I bake with my little boy and talk at same time I get loads of Information from him. With my teenager I have Sussed that if I take him for a drive and put music on ( he is always singing ) he chills out and I drop the odd question in and get to know how he is that way) I'm sure CAHMS waiting lists would be really long but they might send h out some u go or be able to advise. I'm not suggesting he needs referring at this stage but if someone calls me at work im happy to send info x

I hope you get things sorted soon. You sound like u and you oh are doing a great job. It's so difficult. He sounds like a good little boy underneath just going through a difficult patch ..also im not sure if u mentioned if his sister was older of younger? Only mentioning as my Older ds def changed when sibling arrived so I made sure I had mummy day just me and him x

Apple xx

Thank you. Thank you so much. His sistet is younger. She is 2. I have contacted camhs. They sent me out a bunch of info. Im slowly going through it all. They also suggested another company who i called and both said it seemed like we were doing the right things. I mentioned this to his deputy head, and he suggested this wasnt a good idea because ds would get labled. Which i think is a poor attitude. I almost feel like they should be encouraging him getting help not saying its a bad idea. I see where he is coming from, ds mught get bullied or picked on if other kids found out he was talking to mental health professionals but surely the school should be stopping the nasty behaviour if it came to it rather than saying ds shouldnt get any help he needs. I mean, why should ds not get help dealing with his feeling, speaking to whoever he needs to, if he needs to, just because a bunch of kids are being nasty in the play ground. Unfortunately nothing can be done without a referal. Im seeing his teacher next week so will see what they suggest and take it from there.
My therapist is amazing, has helped me deal with my ocd and anxiety amazingly in a few months. If ds could get similar, and see similar results that would be fab.
Thank you again. Sorry for the jumbled mess.



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Old Feb 15th, 2017, 20:34 PM   14
Apple111
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It may be worth considering a few sessions private hon if u could manage it financially as this this would avoid involvement officially, for now anyway. Also working In services myself I know that, definately in my area, staff are really under pressure with high caseloads so time would be limited anyway. If you have experienced therapy yourself you would be in a good position to help him through it and understand the principles, look for someone that specialises in working with children tho as it is different to working with adults although many of principles are the same, especially if it's a CBT approach which im guessing is what you have worked with yourself.. A lot of childens therapy includes parent involvement and education on how to support and understand your childs difficulties, development and maintaining factors. Good luck hon, like I said before you are doing a great job ! make sure u get some 'me time' yourself as this will help you deal with difficult times x



 
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Old Feb 22nd, 2017, 12:48 PM   15
noon_child
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Lack of sleep can be such a major factor in behaviour.

Would he nap after school do you think?
Could you put his bedtime a little earlier when you know he's having bad nights?
Would school allow him to ask to go somewhere for a rest/sleep?

Sounds like he's feeling sorry for himself but doesn't know quite why or what is going to make him feel better so he's lashing out at your family as a way of trying to get some attention. Maybe you could come up with a list (when he is calm) of things he can do if he's feeling rotten that are less destructive e.g
"I know you aren't well and your tired but hitting won't help. Let's make a list of things that might help you feel better....e.g. A cuddle, a warm drink, a bath, a story" . Let him know that asking for these things will help the family know he isn't feeling at his best.

Does he currently take a vitamin supplement?

And OH my GOD what an unprofessional deputy head! That has made my blood boil. Mental Health should not be stigmatised and yet here is a school leader doing just that! I would be making a formal complaint. The biggest killer of men age 17-30 is suicide because men feel stigmatised and don't access services and here is a teacher saying you should avoid accessing mental health services for your child who is suffering!! You should be commended for being open to getting all the advice and help you can. I . AM. SO. MAD



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Old Feb 23rd, 2017, 17:58 PM   16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by noon_child View Post
Lack of sleep can be such a major factor in behaviour.

Would he nap after school do you think?
Could you put his bedtime a little earlier when you know he's having bad nights?
Would school allow him to ask to go somewhere for a rest/sleep?

Sounds like he's feeling sorry for himself but doesn't know quite why or what is going to make him feel better so he's lashing out at your family as a way of trying to get some attention. Maybe you could come up with a list (when he is calm) of things he can do if he's feeling rotten that are less destructive e.g
"I know you aren't well and your tired but hitting won't help. Let's make a list of things that might help you feel better....e.g. A cuddle, a warm drink, a bath, a story" . Let him know that asking for these things will help the family know he isn't feeling at his best.

Does he currently take a vitamin supplement?

And OH my GOD what an unprofessional deputy head! That has made my blood boil. Mental Health should not be stigmatised and yet here is a school leader doing just that! I would be making a formal complaint. The biggest killer of men age 17-30 is suicide because men feel stigmatised and don't access services and here is a teacher saying you should avoid accessing mental health services for your child who is suffering!! You should be commended for being open to getting all the advice and help you can. I . AM. SO. MAD
Thank you. I am also really mad about the whole issue with the deputy head. We had a metting with his teacher today and her supervisor (?). Hos teacher looked completely confused at everything i was saying about his behaviour. Its like they dont believe it exists because he isnt half as badly behaved at school. So we ( me and OH) figured it was pointless trying to get them to help and we would find a solution ourselves. They keep telling me he is a good kid, which i know, im his mum, i know he is a great kid but they obviously dont believe theres a problem. Which is a shame. The lady who deals with behaviour wasnt actually there, neither was the deputy head, has he had said he would be.
Teachers suggested somewhere he can go, a quiet corner with books or a soft toy, when he feels cross. Im willing to give it a try and we brought down a cozy chair with a fluffy throw and explained to both kids what it was for. I dont see it working personaly, but im willing to give it a crack. They said they didnt want to offer too many suggestions because they didnt want to overload us with ideas ( i understood this as, we havnt prepared for this and have nothing to offer).
DS currently goes to bed at 6.30 is usually asleep very quick providing there is no major tantrum. Im trying to bring it forward a bit so we are upstairs sooner but its just so much of a rush after school. He wakes up around 6. He stopped napping at 18 months. The only time he naps now is if he has a fever. I feel like i completely failed today. Iv been feeling so rough with a stupid cold and cough that wont shift, im finding everything is such a chore. I realy didnt have the energy to argue with what the teachers said.
I must admit, he has been coughing a little less at night, and his behaviour has been so much better the last week or so. Its been lovely, but i still feel a bit on edge waiting for the next dose of bad behaviour.
Thanks for the replies. It helps to just rant and write this stuff down. Helps me make sense of it all.



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Old Mar 29th, 2017, 09:28 AM   17
Rhea Santiago
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I think we should know first the problem of our child. I know my toddler also doesn't want to listen to me at all and defy me on things that he does not like to do. In case of your child, as I read your post, he has tonsillitis and maybe he is not in the mood because of it. Well, you should probably see his doctor first before letting him have his classes. No matter what we say, health of our child is more important than anything else.



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