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Old May 4th, 2017, 06:38 AM   41
zorak
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I definitely feel like I'm seen as a lower class of person for staying at home with my son. And by other women, it's not often that men make me feel like that. When I'm out and people talk to me I often get polite answers to the 'what do you do?' But the raised eyebrows or the fake smile give their true feelings away, alongside the 'you're so lucky' comments. Luck has nothing to do with it, we've both made sacrifices. I hadn't really established my career when I fell pregnant, I was a newly qualified teacher and instead of going into a job I stayed home and will have given up any chance at a career, after so many years out and more if we have another child I will pretty much be unemployable with no experience under my belt. Luckily I love being at home with my son but that sometimes doesn't make up for the feelings of failure, wasted education and nothing of my own/achievement to be proud of. I have days where I feel pretty dark about it, feel like the black sheep of the family, like I've wasted my potential and let my parents and in-laws down. I don't think people realize how much you give up to stay at home with children, I'm a mum and a wife and I've given up my own identity to be there, so yes, I would appreciate being valued for what I do, not just looked down on with a 'you're so lucky' smirk that implies I don't really do anything and how easy I've got it. No it's not hard but I have still paid a price to be here. Unfortunately society doesn't value the stay at home mum, and ideas and success are based on career titles and money. It's the first thing anyone asks you 'what do you do?' until attitudes starts to change and the role of mothers are seen as important in society we will always be made to feel guilty for the decision we've made.

I would like to say I respect whatever mums decide to do, work full time/part time, whatever I don't care, all I ask is that they respect what I do and more often than not I don't feel like that is the case, I just feel looked down on.
I do think the teaching profession is really not family friendly, on the surface it looks great (to outsiders who just see the relatively okay salary and the holidays) but especially for NQTs it is near enough impossible to get full registration without working full time. You also miss out on pretty much all school events as you can't take any extra holidays, so if my kid has a show on or any event during the school day I will miss it. I did fall pregnant and would have been due just before the start of my probation year but we lost the baby. While I wouldn't have given up my career (I'm the main earner plus we have lots of family to help) I would have had to completely defer starting my job for at least a year. In that time I would have only got SMP which is nowhere near enough to live on (480 a month I think? Impossible with a mortgage and a car to pay!) - it's also so hard to get a job even when you are fully qualified.

Isn't it possible to defer your probation year until your LO starts school?
I think my QTS status runs out after 5 years which was already up last year when we had to move to the USA for dhs job. My qualifications don't count for anything here and legally I'm not allowed to work on a spouse visa so for the time being I have no choice! My only other thought if we get to move back to the U.K was that with my level of education I could work for the exam board marking papers from home (I think) just to do a little bit of paid work.

To the other ladies who have commented we also have the one car we share and we rent at the moment (abroad) but have a smallish mortgage on a flat we rent out back home which covers itself thankfully.
Ah right, I'm in Scotland so it is different here, I can work pretty much anywhere in the world with my qualification. It's very hard to make money marking exam papers, I think we get roughly 5 per paper!
How's that? Sorry just curious as I did my PGCE in the U.K but i wouldn't be able to teach here in the US? What qualification do you get in Scotland?
It's not true. I'm Scottish trained, have a few years experience. I lived in the US for nearly 5 years and couldn't teach there. I'd have had to get all my transcripts accredited and go back to uni for certain modules. It's extraordinarily expensive and I was in CA where loads of teachers were being laid off so it was not worth the hassle. You only tend to get accepted in totally private schools. I have a friend living in NV, same qualifications, experience as me, she's taught in the UK and Italy but is having to spend 20000 US dollars to get her masters allowing her to teach in Nevada.

That being said I have slotted back into the Scottish system no problem. I just did some volunteer time in school to get up to date and get an up to date reference.



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Old May 4th, 2017, 06:38 AM   42
zorak
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I did work in the US though but there's so many different visa types.



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Old May 4th, 2017, 08:33 AM   43
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Well try telling people you CHOOSE and ENJOY being a working mum and see what rude reaction you get to that ha! We can't win, you're only allowed to be a working mum if you have no choice, if you choose/have little choice in being a SAHM (I'm another who will never use full time mum, way before I was even a mother myself) then you're seen as not being ambitious. Buuut put them in childcare and you're not raising them yourself apparently. Buut stay home and what are you doing all day?
WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM US? Or do we all have more of a collective impact on this than we realise...I'd be lying if I said I didn't have my own insecurities and prejudices despite claiming everyone should do what's best for them. In the end I just have to do what's best for me and support those around me in the decisions they make.

The one thing I always say to myself in all this, when has my husband be judged for working full time despite being a dad? When has he been asked if he will be returning to work? Or when has he been asked "where are the children?" when he works away. I have an awesome husband btw, it's not a reflection of him.



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Old May 4th, 2017, 12:21 PM   44
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I definitely feel like I'm seen as a lower class of person for staying at home with my son. And by other women, it's not often that men make me feel like that. When I'm out and people talk to me I often get polite answers to the 'what do you do?' But the raised eyebrows or the fake smile give their true feelings away, alongside the 'you're so lucky' comments. Luck has nothing to do with it, we've both made sacrifices. I hadn't really established my career when I fell pregnant, I was a newly qualified teacher and instead of going into a job I stayed home and will have given up any chance at a career, after so many years out and more if we have another child I will pretty much be unemployable with no experience under my belt. Luckily I love being at home with my son but that sometimes doesn't make up for the feelings of failure, wasted education and nothing of my own/achievement to be proud of. I have days where I feel pretty dark about it, feel like the black sheep of the family, like I've wasted my potential and let my parents and in-laws down. I don't think people realize how much you give up to stay at home with children, I'm a mum and a wife and I've given up my own identity to be there, so yes, I would appreciate being valued for what I do, not just looked down on with a 'you're so lucky' smirk that implies I don't really do anything and how easy I've got it. No it's not hard but I have still paid a price to be here. Unfortunately society doesn't value the stay at home mum, and ideas and success are based on career titles and money. It's the first thing anyone asks you 'what do you do?' until attitudes starts to change and the role of mothers are seen as important in society we will always be made to feel guilty for the decision we've made.

I would like to say I respect whatever mums decide to do, work full time/part time, whatever I don't care, all I ask is that they respect what I do and more often than not I don't feel like that is the case, I just feel looked down on.
I do think the teaching profession is really not family friendly, on the surface it looks great (to outsiders who just see the relatively okay salary and the holidays) but especially for NQTs it is near enough impossible to get full registration without working full time. You also miss out on pretty much all school events as you can't take any extra holidays, so if my kid has a show on or any event during the school day I will miss it. I did fall pregnant and would have been due just before the start of my probation year but we lost the baby. While I wouldn't have given up my career (I'm the main earner plus we have lots of family to help) I would have had to completely defer starting my job for at least a year. In that time I would have only got SMP which is nowhere near enough to live on (480 a month I think? Impossible with a mortgage and a car to pay!) - it's also so hard to get a job even when you are fully qualified.

Isn't it possible to defer your probation year until your LO starts school?
I think my QTS status runs out after 5 years which was already up last year when we had to move to the USA for dhs job. My qualifications don't count for anything here and legally I'm not allowed to work on a spouse visa so for the time being I have no choice! My only other thought if we get to move back to the U.K was that with my level of education I could work for the exam board marking papers from home (I think) just to do a little bit of paid work.

To the other ladies who have commented we also have the one car we share and we rent at the moment (abroad) but have a smallish mortgage on a flat we rent out back home which covers itself thankfully.
Ah right, I'm in Scotland so it is different here, I can work pretty much anywhere in the world with my qualification. It's very hard to make money marking exam papers, I think we get roughly 5 per paper!
How's that? Sorry just curious as I did my PGCE in the U.K but i wouldn't be able to teach here in the US? What qualification do you get in Scotland?
It's not true. I'm Scottish trained, have a few years experience. I lived in the US for nearly 5 years and couldn't teach there. I'd have had to get all my transcripts accredited and go back to uni for certain modules. It's extraordinarily expensive and I was in CA where loads of teachers were being laid off so it was not worth the hassle. You only tend to get accepted in totally private schools. I have a friend living in NV, same qualifications, experience as me, she's taught in the UK and Italy but is having to spend 20000 US dollars to get her masters allowing her to teach in Nevada.

That being said I have slotted back into the Scottish system no problem. I just did some volunteer time in school to get up to date and get an up to date reference.
In Scotland you need a PGDE not a PGCE. I don't have either though, I did a joint honours with education. With my degree I can teach pretty much anywhere - although when I did my degree (started in 2009) there was only one university which offered this in the secondary sector. I'm hopefully starting a masters in education soon.

Maybe the fact I did the concurrent degree is the difference.



 
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Old May 4th, 2017, 13:16 PM   45
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I definitely feel like I'm seen as a lower class of person for staying at home with my son. And by other women, it's not often that men make me feel like that. When I'm out and people talk to me I often get polite answers to the 'what do you do?' But the raised eyebrows or the fake smile give their true feelings away, alongside the 'you're so lucky' comments. Luck has nothing to do with it, we've both made sacrifices. I hadn't really established my career when I fell pregnant, I was a newly qualified teacher and instead of going into a job I stayed home and will have given up any chance at a career, after so many years out and more if we have another child I will pretty much be unemployable with no experience under my belt. Luckily I love being at home with my son but that sometimes doesn't make up for the feelings of failure, wasted education and nothing of my own/achievement to be proud of. I have days where I feel pretty dark about it, feel like the black sheep of the family, like I've wasted my potential and let my parents and in-laws down. I don't think people realize how much you give up to stay at home with children, I'm a mum and a wife and I've given up my own identity to be there, so yes, I would appreciate being valued for what I do, not just looked down on with a 'you're so lucky' smirk that implies I don't really do anything and how easy I've got it. No it's not hard but I have still paid a price to be here. Unfortunately society doesn't value the stay at home mum, and ideas and success are based on career titles and money. It's the first thing anyone asks you 'what do you do?' until attitudes starts to change and the role of mothers are seen as important in society we will always be made to feel guilty for the decision we've made.

I would like to say I respect whatever mums decide to do, work full time/part time, whatever I don't care, all I ask is that they respect what I do and more often than not I don't feel like that is the case, I just feel looked down on.
I do think the teaching profession is really not family friendly, on the surface it looks great (to outsiders who just see the relatively okay salary and the holidays) but especially for NQTs it is near enough impossible to get full registration without working full time. You also miss out on pretty much all school events as you can't take any extra holidays, so if my kid has a show on or any event during the school day I will miss it. I did fall pregnant and would have been due just before the start of my probation year but we lost the baby. While I wouldn't have given up my career (I'm the main earner plus we have lots of family to help) I would have had to completely defer starting my job for at least a year. In that time I would have only got SMP which is nowhere near enough to live on (480 a month I think? Impossible with a mortgage and a car to pay!) - it's also so hard to get a job even when you are fully qualified.

Isn't it possible to defer your probation year until your LO starts school?
I think my QTS status runs out after 5 years which was already up last year when we had to move to the USA for dhs job. My qualifications don't count for anything here and legally I'm not allowed to work on a spouse visa so for the time being I have no choice! My only other thought if we get to move back to the U.K was that with my level of education I could work for the exam board marking papers from home (I think) just to do a little bit of paid work.

To the other ladies who have commented we also have the one car we share and we rent at the moment (abroad) but have a smallish mortgage on a flat we rent out back home which covers itself thankfully.
Ah right, I'm in Scotland so it is different here, I can work pretty much anywhere in the world with my qualification. It's very hard to make money marking exam papers, I think we get roughly 5 per paper!
How's that? Sorry just curious as I did my PGCE in the U.K but i wouldn't be able to teach here in the US? What qualification do you get in Scotland?
It's not true. I'm Scottish trained, have a few years experience. I lived in the US for nearly 5 years and couldn't teach there. I'd have had to get all my transcripts accredited and go back to uni for certain modules. It's extraordinarily expensive and I was in CA where loads of teachers were being laid off so it was not worth the hassle. You only tend to get accepted in totally private schools. I have a friend living in NV, same qualifications, experience as me, she's taught in the UK and Italy but is having to spend 20000 US dollars to get her masters allowing her to teach in Nevada.

That being said I have slotted back into the Scottish system no problem. I just did some volunteer time in school to get up to date and get an up to date reference.
In Scotland you need a PGDE not a PGCE. I don't have either though, I did a joint honours with education. With my degree I can teach pretty much anywhere - although when I did my degree (started in 2009) there was only one university which offered this in the secondary sector. I'm hopefully starting a masters in education soon.

Maybe the fact I did the concurrent degree is the difference.
I have a PGDE and was told we'd be able to teach pretty much anywhere. The reality isn't true. In the US different States have different rules. Having a concurrent degree wouldn't help, it's not relevant to each State (even out of State teachers often have to do additional classes). I have a friend who emigrated to Canada and she also had to do additional training. It really does just depend on the job market at the time. I didn't expect to get a permanent job so quickly after moving back to the UK, but with the teacher shortage I got one pretty easily.



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Old May 4th, 2017, 13:44 PM   46
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I definitely feel like I'm seen as a lower class of person for staying at home with my son. And by other women, it's not often that men make me feel like that. When I'm out and people talk to me I often get polite answers to the 'what do you do?' But the raised eyebrows or the fake smile give their true feelings away, alongside the 'you're so lucky' comments. Luck has nothing to do with it, we've both made sacrifices. I hadn't really established my career when I fell pregnant, I was a newly qualified teacher and instead of going into a job I stayed home and will have given up any chance at a career, after so many years out and more if we have another child I will pretty much be unemployable with no experience under my belt. Luckily I love being at home with my son but that sometimes doesn't make up for the feelings of failure, wasted education and nothing of my own/achievement to be proud of. I have days where I feel pretty dark about it, feel like the black sheep of the family, like I've wasted my potential and let my parents and in-laws down. I don't think people realize how much you give up to stay at home with children, I'm a mum and a wife and I've given up my own identity to be there, so yes, I would appreciate being valued for what I do, not just looked down on with a 'you're so lucky' smirk that implies I don't really do anything and how easy I've got it. No it's not hard but I have still paid a price to be here. Unfortunately society doesn't value the stay at home mum, and ideas and success are based on career titles and money. It's the first thing anyone asks you 'what do you do?' until attitudes starts to change and the role of mothers are seen as important in society we will always be made to feel guilty for the decision we've made.

I would like to say I respect whatever mums decide to do, work full time/part time, whatever I don't care, all I ask is that they respect what I do and more often than not I don't feel like that is the case, I just feel looked down on.
I do think the teaching profession is really not family friendly, on the surface it looks great (to outsiders who just see the relatively okay salary and the holidays) but especially for NQTs it is near enough impossible to get full registration without working full time. You also miss out on pretty much all school events as you can't take any extra holidays, so if my kid has a show on or any event during the school day I will miss it. I did fall pregnant and would have been due just before the start of my probation year but we lost the baby. While I wouldn't have given up my career (I'm the main earner plus we have lots of family to help) I would have had to completely defer starting my job for at least a year. In that time I would have only got SMP which is nowhere near enough to live on (480 a month I think? Impossible with a mortgage and a car to pay!) - it's also so hard to get a job even when you are fully qualified.

Isn't it possible to defer your probation year until your LO starts school?
I think my QTS status runs out after 5 years which was already up last year when we had to move to the USA for dhs job. My qualifications don't count for anything here and legally I'm not allowed to work on a spouse visa so for the time being I have no choice! My only other thought if we get to move back to the U.K was that with my level of education I could work for the exam board marking papers from home (I think) just to do a little bit of paid work.

To the other ladies who have commented we also have the one car we share and we rent at the moment (abroad) but have a smallish mortgage on a flat we rent out back home which covers itself thankfully.
Ah right, I'm in Scotland so it is different here, I can work pretty much anywhere in the world with my qualification. It's very hard to make money marking exam papers, I think we get roughly 5 per paper!
How's that? Sorry just curious as I did my PGCE in the U.K but i wouldn't be able to teach here in the US? What qualification do you get in Scotland?
It's not true. I'm Scottish trained, have a few years experience. I lived in the US for nearly 5 years and couldn't teach there. I'd have had to get all my transcripts accredited and go back to uni for certain modules. It's extraordinarily expensive and I was in CA where loads of teachers were being laid off so it was not worth the hassle. You only tend to get accepted in totally private schools. I have a friend living in NV, same qualifications, experience as me, she's taught in the UK and Italy but is having to spend 20000 US dollars to get her masters allowing her to teach in Nevada.

That being said I have slotted back into the Scottish system no problem. I just did some volunteer time in school to get up to date and get an up to date reference.
In Scotland you need a PGDE not a PGCE. I don't have either though, I did a joint honours with education. With my degree I can teach pretty much anywhere - although when I did my degree (started in 2009) there was only one university which offered this in the secondary sector. I'm hopefully starting a masters in education soon.

Maybe the fact I did the concurrent degree is the difference.
I have a PGDE and was told we'd be able to teach pretty much anywhere. The reality isn't true. In the US different States have different rules. Having a concurrent degree wouldn't help, it's not relevant to each State (even out of State teachers often have to do additional classes). I have a friend who emigrated to Canada and she also had to do additional training. It really does just depend on the job market at the time. I didn't expect to get a permanent job so quickly after moving back to the UK, but with the teacher shortage I got one pretty easily.
You are lucky. Where I am (central belt) there are little to no jobs in my subject. Out of my class, roughly half are still doing supply.



 
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Old May 4th, 2017, 15:26 PM   47
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I definitely feel like I'm seen as a lower class of person for staying at home with my son. And by other women, it's not often that men make me feel like that. When I'm out and people talk to me I often get polite answers to the 'what do you do?' But the raised eyebrows or the fake smile give their true feelings away, alongside the 'you're so lucky' comments. Luck has nothing to do with it, we've both made sacrifices. I hadn't really established my career when I fell pregnant, I was a newly qualified teacher and instead of going into a job I stayed home and will have given up any chance at a career, after so many years out and more if we have another child I will pretty much be unemployable with no experience under my belt. Luckily I love being at home with my son but that sometimes doesn't make up for the feelings of failure, wasted education and nothing of my own/achievement to be proud of. I have days where I feel pretty dark about it, feel like the black sheep of the family, like I've wasted my potential and let my parents and in-laws down. I don't think people realize how much you give up to stay at home with children, I'm a mum and a wife and I've given up my own identity to be there, so yes, I would appreciate being valued for what I do, not just looked down on with a 'you're so lucky' smirk that implies I don't really do anything and how easy I've got it. No it's not hard but I have still paid a price to be here. Unfortunately society doesn't value the stay at home mum, and ideas and success are based on career titles and money. It's the first thing anyone asks you 'what do you do?' until attitudes starts to change and the role of mothers are seen as important in society we will always be made to feel guilty for the decision we've made.

I would like to say I respect whatever mums decide to do, work full time/part time, whatever I don't care, all I ask is that they respect what I do and more often than not I don't feel like that is the case, I just feel looked down on.
I do think the teaching profession is really not family friendly, on the surface it looks great (to outsiders who just see the relatively okay salary and the holidays) but especially for NQTs it is near enough impossible to get full registration without working full time. You also miss out on pretty much all school events as you can't take any extra holidays, so if my kid has a show on or any event during the school day I will miss it. I did fall pregnant and would have been due just before the start of my probation year but we lost the baby. While I wouldn't have given up my career (I'm the main earner plus we have lots of family to help) I would have had to completely defer starting my job for at least a year. In that time I would have only got SMP which is nowhere near enough to live on (480 a month I think? Impossible with a mortgage and a car to pay!) - it's also so hard to get a job even when you are fully qualified.

Isn't it possible to defer your probation year until your LO starts school?
I think my QTS status runs out after 5 years which was already up last year when we had to move to the USA for dhs job. My qualifications don't count for anything here and legally I'm not allowed to work on a spouse visa so for the time being I have no choice! My only other thought if we get to move back to the U.K was that with my level of education I could work for the exam board marking papers from home (I think) just to do a little bit of paid work.

To the other ladies who have commented we also have the one car we share and we rent at the moment (abroad) but have a smallish mortgage on a flat we rent out back home which covers itself thankfully.
Ah right, I'm in Scotland so it is different here, I can work pretty much anywhere in the world with my qualification. It's very hard to make money marking exam papers, I think we get roughly 5 per paper!
How's that? Sorry just curious as I did my PGCE in the U.K but i wouldn't be able to teach here in the US? What qualification do you get in Scotland?
It's not true. I'm Scottish trained, have a few years experience. I lived in the US for nearly 5 years and couldn't teach there. I'd have had to get all my transcripts accredited and go back to uni for certain modules. It's extraordinarily expensive and I was in CA where loads of teachers were being laid off so it was not worth the hassle. You only tend to get accepted in totally private schools. I have a friend living in NV, same qualifications, experience as me, she's taught in the UK and Italy but is having to spend 20000 US dollars to get her masters allowing her to teach in Nevada.

That being said I have slotted back into the Scottish system no problem. I just did some volunteer time in school to get up to date and get an up to date reference.
In Scotland you need a PGDE not a PGCE. I don't have either though, I did a joint honours with education. With my degree I can teach pretty much anywhere - although when I did my degree (started in 2009) there was only one university which offered this in the secondary sector. I'm hopefully starting a masters in education soon.

Maybe the fact I did the concurrent degree is the difference.
I have a PGDE and was told we'd be able to teach pretty much anywhere. The reality isn't true. In the US different States have different rules. Having a concurrent degree wouldn't help, it's not relevant to each State (even out of State teachers often have to do additional classes). I have a friend who emigrated to Canada and she also had to do additional training. It really does just depend on the job market at the time. I didn't expect to get a permanent job so quickly after moving back to the UK, but with the teacher shortage I got one pretty easily.
You are lucky. Where I am (central belt) there are little to no jobs in my subject. Out of my class, roughly half are still doing supply.
I'm central belt too, but Primary.



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Old May 6th, 2017, 14:37 PM   48
whatwillbex
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Hi wow big thread. I remember this one time I went to a baby group and this lady asked me what I did for a living. I said oh I'm a sahm and she looked at me like I swore and walked off? Haha I can never get my head around that encounter it was like she made a snap decision about me and thought no we will have nothing in common or something.. was so rude and I felt so small, she was so snooty so she was probably right!. Lol x



 
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Old May 6th, 2017, 15:02 PM   49
loeylo
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Hi wow big thread. I remember this one time I went to a baby group and this lady asked me what I did for a living. I said oh I'm a sahm and she looked at me like I swore and walked off? Haha I can never get my head around that encounter it was like she made a snap decision about me and thought no we will have nothing in common or something.. was so rude and I felt so small, she was so snooty so she was probably right!. Lol x
That's just weird, as much as I find most of my mum friend work, I wouldn't be put off by someone who was a SAHM. I find working people are maybe a bit more understanding of the fact I can't really commit to meeting up regularly or making short term plans. That person was definitely just judgemental!



 
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Old May 6th, 2017, 15:33 PM   50
whatwillbex
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I know it was upsetting at the time as I just plucked up the courage to try and go and make some mum friends. I have to admit every time Weirdly meet some one like a new parent at my DD preschool I dread the question and feel embarrassed when I tell them.
Its crazy as I feel I need to justify why I'm at home. I'm getting more questions about when I'm returning to work now that I'm expecting with no#2? Such a funny world we live in there's no right or wrong as every family is different x



 
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