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Old Apr 27th, 2017, 05:37 AM   1
Wobbles
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People Are So Rude When I Tell Them I Enjoy Being a SAHM


I'm a full time SAHM and have been for years. It annoys me no end that I'm supposed to be miserable about that. Being a SAHM is actually pretty rad indeed.

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Old Apr 29th, 2017, 13:59 PM   2
george83
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I'm totally jealous that you're a sahm - i would love to be! I honestly think times need to change so that every family has the opportunity for one parent to be able to stay at home if they want to



 
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Old Apr 29th, 2017, 14:26 PM   3
loeylo
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Being a SAHM isn't really an option for us, what does annoy me is that often SAHM's have an attitude which implies that they are somehow better parents because they spend more time with their children (for example, calling themselves "full time mums" - do I quit being a mum during the day when I'm at work? All mums are full time mums!)

Parents (regardless of gender) should do what works best for their families. I hate that it is assumed that a woman should give up her career (and therefore part of her identity) to start a family, whereas a man can continue his life as usual.

I'm all for women choosing to stay at home (providing they don't expect the government to pay them to do so) BUT I also think that equal maternity benefits should be offered to dads, should that be what works for the family. Similarly, support should be offered to help mums return to work if they choose to go down that route.



 
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Old Apr 29th, 2017, 14:36 PM   4
happynewmom1
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Quote:
Originally Posted by loeylo View Post
Being a SAHM isn't really an option for us, what does annoy me is that often SAHM's have an attitude which implies that they are somehow better parents because they spend more time with their children (for example, calling themselves "full time mums" - do I quit being a mum during the day when I'm at work? All mums are full time mums!)

Parents (regardless of gender) should do what works best for their families. I hate that it is assumed that a woman should give up her career (and therefore part of her identity) to start a family, whereas a man can continue his life as usual.

I'm all for women choosing to stay at home (providing they don't expect the government to pay them to do so) BUT I also think that equal maternity benefits should be offered to dads, should that be what works for the family. Similarly, support should be offered to help mums return to work if they choose to go down that route.
You seem to be stuck on sahm's being the only ones with that kind of mentality. Thing is it goes both ways. Working moms have quite the uppity attitude as well as if they do more are more important to the society since they also work outside the home. Of course you are always a mom but you don't watch her full time which is all that is implied by that. If you say you have a full or part time job outside of the home, what are you implying? How much you work outside the home and that is all that's meant by that. Yes.. My job is being at home with the kids and raising them to be responsible and caring people to go out into the world. I do not go to a paying job so of course I say I'm a full time mom. It's what i am. I wouldn't go and say that makes me a part time wife because my husband goes to work and I don't see him all hours but I absolutely don't see him full time.

It's ridiculous really. All moms should just accept each other for who they are and how they choose to so things in their family. It's totally fine for you to work.. And it's fine for me to stay home but if you don't want an attitude from moms who stay at home, then don't give an attitude to them. Respect goes both ways.



 
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Old Apr 29th, 2017, 15:19 PM   5
catty
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Some people may write they are a full time mum because they think well what else am i? If there not working they are at home full time.
I am sure there not doing it to piss working mothers off but more to give them a reason with what they do in their day.
Iv had many people say to me, 'Id love to be a SAHM what do you do all day' and i either want to punch them in the face or laugh at them!
Its not a bloody holiday. Your always writing about this Loeylo and i often wonder that maybe the people you come across are just assholes and not the norm



 
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Old Apr 29th, 2017, 15:24 PM   6
ClaireS74
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If you can and you want to, why not?



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Old Apr 29th, 2017, 15:29 PM   7
loeylo
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Originally Posted by happynewmom1 View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by loeylo View Post
Being a SAHM isn't really an option for us, what does annoy me is that often SAHM's have an attitude which implies that they are somehow better parents because they spend more time with their children (for example, calling themselves "full time mums" - do I quit being a mum during the day when I'm at work? All mums are full time mums!)

Parents (regardless of gender) should do what works best for their families. I hate that it is assumed that a woman should give up her career (and therefore part of her identity) to start a family, whereas a man can continue his life as usual.

I'm all for women choosing to stay at home (providing they don't expect the government to pay them to do so) BUT I also think that equal maternity benefits should be offered to dads, should that be what works for the family. Similarly, support should be offered to help mums return to work if they choose to go down that route.
You seem to be stuck on sahm's being the only ones with that kind of mentality. Thing is it goes both ways. Working moms have quite the uppity attitude as well as if they do more are more important to the society since they also work outside the home. Of course you are always a mom but you don't watch her full time which is all that is implied by that. If you say you have a full or part time job outside of the home, what are you implying? How much you work outside the home and that is all that's meant by that. Yes.. My job is being at home with the kids and raising them to be responsible and caring people to go out into the world. I do not go to a paying job so of course I say I'm a full time mom. It's what i am. I wouldn't go and say that makes me a part time wife because my husband goes to work and I don't see him all hours but I absolutely don't see him full time.

It's ridiculous really. All moms should just accept each other for who they are and how they choose to so things in their family. It's totally fine for you to work.. And it's fine for me to stay home but if you don't want an attitude from moms who stay at home, then don't give an attitude to them. Respect goes both ways.
I might not "watch" her full time, but I still need to do all the same duties as a stay-at-home mum, but compressed into less hours. My partner and I (we both work so parenting is split 50/50) so we need to get her bathed, dressed, fed and out the door by 7:30 every morning, plus do all the same cooking and cleaning and playing and teaching her that SAHMs do, but compressed into evenings rather than having all day to do it. I'm still a full time mum. I'm also a full time worker. Yes, you are a full time mum, but so are we all.

I'm not giving any sort of attitude. I'm happy being a working mum, I have strong reasons why I do it and it isn't just financial (I want my daughter to know that you can be whatever you want to be and you don't need to choose between family and career if you don't want to) - everyone is entitled to have their own opinion and everyone does what they feel is best for their family.

For my family, two working parents is best. For others, one working is best. It isn't anyone else's place to judge as long as the kid is looked after and fed.



 
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Old Apr 29th, 2017, 15:32 PM   8
loeylo
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Originally Posted by catty View Post
Some people may write they are a full time mum because they think well what else am i? If there not working they are at home full time.
I am sure there not doing it to piss working mothers off but more to give them a reason with what they do in their day.
Iv had many people say to me, 'Id love to be a SAHM what do you do all day' and i either want to punch them in the face or laugh at them!
Its not a bloody holiday. Your always writing about this Loeylo and i often wonder that maybe the people you come across are just assholes and not the norm
I just feel passionate about it, from a feminist point of view. Personally I term it a SAHM rather than a full time mum. I understand why people use it, but it annoys me (similar to SAHMs being annoyed by people asking what they do all day I guess) - personally when I was on maternity leave I struggled to fill my day but I do only have the one kid so I understand that having more kids might be different! I also don't have many mum friends who don't work so all my friends were at work while I was at home.



 
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Old Apr 29th, 2017, 15:44 PM   9
Gypsy99
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It's hard either way and talking about myself I've felt guilty from every angle.

The stay at home mum part for me was important and I was lucky to do it for a year with my first. I had to go back to work part time because useless ex-husband decided he didn't need to work to support his family. I felt guilty because I didn't feel like I contributed enough.
Then with my son I was a single mum for 6 months and it was horribly stressful. I bit the bullet and worked part time and then full time and hated that I was leaving them.

My point is we do what we have to do. Every parent has the reasons for what they are doing. The value of spending time with your children at a young age. Some people are lucky to do that but some people are lucky to be able to work if they need the break from parenthood.

I need adult interaction, but at the same time I hate that I missed my children grow up. Just make the time when you are around them to make memories.



 
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Old Apr 29th, 2017, 16:00 PM   10
catty
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Yes i agree that one child is completely different to multiple children. Im not trying to cause a debate but how can you do the same as a sahm when your at work during the day?
Im saying this as a working mother btw im just on maternity leave at the moment.



 
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