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Old May 7th, 2017, 04:47 AM   11
fantastica
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Agree with SarahBear in that sometimes shorter hair seems more modest than long...but I don't really understand the issue with the haircut/religion. I do think it's important to talk to her and find some compromise or she will probably end up rebelling much more as she gets older, it's good that you and your husband are both considering how you can meet half way. What did she think of the compromise?

Just as an aside and I don't want to cause offence, but I remember your tattoo thread from a while ago and was wondering the difference to this and what your daughter wants? I was always under the impression that tattoos were either forbidden or at least frowned upon in Judaism? (Please correct me if I'm wrong - just curious!)



 
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Old May 7th, 2017, 04:51 AM   12
weedle
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Personally, I feel you should allow her to get her hair cut. I can't imagine it's very healthy looking if it hasn't ever been cut? hair is nothing to do with modesty. I'd also agree for pale nail varnish. I would allow my daughter to have her ears pierced at 10 but you're well within your right as a parent to insist she waits until she's 16 when she can go and do it herself.

I don't think she is rebelling, just finding herself as a person and that is 100% ok and your personal beliefs should not effect her.



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Old May 7th, 2017, 10:35 AM   13
OnErth&InHvn
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fantastica View Post
Just as an aside and I don't want to cause offence, but I remember your tattoo thread from a while ago and was wondering the difference to this and what your daughter wants? I was always under the impression that tattoos were either forbidden or at least frowned upon in Judaism? (Please correct me if I'm wrong - just curious!)
We are Reform and they are very lax. ( My rabbi was one of the first Synagogues in the area to perform a same sex marriage for example.)

Different Jews or synagogues may have different beliefs and it may even vary by location!

and my tats are modest, they are words and dont stand out/draw attention. Simple black ink.
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UPDATE:
We have come to a conclusion and have talked to her. She is the most excited about getting her nails painted.



 
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Old May 13th, 2017, 18:50 PM   14
Zephram
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I would definitely let her get a haircut. Long hair that has never even had a trim starts to look straggly, dry and unkempt. Not to mention heavy and hot! There are lots of lovely ways to get a haircut and keep hair long, to be honest I think part of teaching kids to look after their bodies is teaching them to have their hair trimmed every now and then so they don't get split ends and it doesn't start looking unkempt.

I'm another who doesn't understand the issue with having a haircut and religion, so I really can't speak to that.



 
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Old May 14th, 2017, 01:20 AM   15
OnErth&InHvn
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We have it figured out. Thanks



 
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Old May 14th, 2017, 03:05 AM   16
loeylo
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Glad you have got it figured out, I was brought up Christian by my parents, and had slightly stricter dress standards than my peers, it lead to so much conflict and rebelling to the point I got a job and used my own money to get piercings, but ridiculously immodest clothing, buy alcohol and dye my hair in ridiculous colours.

Your rabbi is okay with tattoos but not haircuts? I think self expression is an important part of growing up. I won't let my dd get her ears pierced until she is around 8, but providing her essentials are covered and she isn't wearing anything overtly sexual we will be good to go.



 
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Old May 14th, 2017, 03:11 AM   17
OnErth&InHvn
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We have rules. The temple has rules.

I have a friend who had really strict rules and the most rebelling she did was get her ears pierced in college. That's it. So it can go either way.



 
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Old May 15th, 2017, 11:13 AM   18
minties
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[QUOTE=SarahBear;38336077]I can't speak to the religious aspect, but in terms of just modesty alone, I think a short haircut is rather modest, especially something like a bob haircut that is really simple and not flashy or attention grabbing. Personally, short hair seems more modest to me than long. It is also safe and temporary. It will grow back and you can give her a choice of haircuts that you approve of. As far as nail polish goes, I'm not crazy about it either, but think it's better to let kids that age explore a little. A compromise might be to limit it to certain settings or limit it to colors that you approve of. Perhaps let her use the kind that peels off so that it's easy to remove or have her use nail polish remover before certain settings. Another compromise could be to not allow it in your house, but to allow her to do it at a friend's house. This compromise could also involve requiring her to remove it after a certain amount of time or before she enters certain settings. As far as ears go, I personally would let my 10 year old choose, but this is also an act that involves actually piercing through flesh which is not temporary. Although the holes can heal over so that earrings can't get through, the scar is always there. It doesn't go away. It is permanent. The only compromise I can see is to use fake earrings and perhaps limit it to specific settings.

Edit: I just re-read and see that nails are OK? Well if that's the case, then I don't see a reason to compromise on that one.[seeking

I agree. Long hair is much more attention-seeking and I would think there would be a bit of pride/vanity in maintaining it.



 
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Old May 15th, 2017, 17:20 PM   19
OnErth&InHvn
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We have it figured out. Thanks



 
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