Hey ladies, I'm usually over in the pregnancy forums, but today I'm at a loss and it has nothing to do with pregnancy. My youngest is 6 years old, will be 7 in Feb. He is a very high energy, hyper, playful, boy. He's very smart, but he just has the poorest self-control. He had trouble in school pretty much all last year in Kindergarten. This year is starting off the same way, with notes home every week if not more than once a week. I feel helpless. I have tried EVERYTHING with him. From rewards, to serious talks, to corner time, to loss of priviledges to spankings. The only thing that seems to work at home, is corner time/time out or spankings. He does not repsond to anything else. He goes to public school, so naturally they can't do anthing but take away play time, and stuff like that. So basically I really just don't feel like he can go to public school, because the teachers just can't deal with him, they can't get him to mind the way I can, but I can't be there at school with him and hold his hand, and spank him every time he messes up. Because frankly he doesn't care about there little punishments, it doesn't even phase him one bit, and 5 min later he forgets all about it. Like nothing every happened. I really want to take him out of public school and home school him somehow, but its just so overwhelming even getting started with all the rules and regulations and its just a nightmare. I really just don't know what to do. I just don't want to spend the next year with notes and teacher conferences going over the same stuff that doesn't work for him. I just don't know what to do, I'm at my wits end here. I just feel like these teachers are blaming me, and want me to fix it, and I'm already doing everything I can at home. I can't come to the school and make him mind. I have to work. Things just seem so impossible right now.

hello there im from the UK so im not sure things work where u live but here if children have problems staying on task, staying focused etc they get help via Individual education plan which sets targets to try and help the behaviour.

i hope u dont think im being rude but has ADHD ever been metioned? my son is 6 and was diagnosed last year he sounded very much like your little boy, very hyperactive, impulsive, found it hard to sit down for more than 2 minutes at a time. however is a very clever little boy. he was assessed and when he was diagnosed was put on medication to try and help him and its worked wonders. im not saying he needs medication but there is obviously a problem there. how would you feel about getting him assessed.

it sounds like the school and yourself are at your wits end. i know how that feels.

it may be worth thinking about even if its speaking to the school to see what they think.

good luck

Hi there!
I have been right where you are.
WHen I lived in Maryland for his Kindergarten, first grade and second grade years the teachers had problems but advised AGAINST having him evaluated for ADHD
But then I moved to West Virginia and the school ASKED me to in the third grade.
After being evauluated they decided that he was ADHD
Like you I spanked and such but I got to the point where I felt I was spanking him all the time and I didnt want to do that and eventually he did get to the point where even that wasnt effective
SO I grudgeingly took him in and had him evaluated
I didnt want to have him put on medications but the doctor promised they knew a lot more about meds than they did way back when I was a kid.
So we started him on meds and My son turned into a different child
He had more self control The teachers said he was a pleasure to have in class.
He too was an intellegent child, and is only doing better now!!
As a matter of fact he is getting bored in school because he completes his class work well before his class mates
I wouldent pull him out of public school unless you WANT to homeschool
Have him evaluated I am not for medicating every child
But Some children benifiet from it!
Good luck

Thanks you ladies for your advise and support. I feel torn on the having him evaluated for ADD or ADHD. Its not so much having him evaluated but having him put on meds is just something I feel very strongly against. I watched the meds for ADHD affect my best friends son terribly. My son behaves well enough at home to learn and function properly. I just don't understand why he can't do that in school? I feel the punishments at school don't bother him. Also I looked up the symptoms for ADD and ADHD and while he may have a few that are on the "list" he doesn't have all of them, and I would be afraid the side affects would cause more harm than good for him. I've been looking up another option its Public school but its done from home, basically it would be like we received his work and text books, and correspond online with the public school. I feel like that may be an option for us. I would like to try all avenues first and leave medication as a last resort. If he really needs medications and they don't affect him negatively I wouldn't have a problem with it, but only if he really needs them. My cousins daughter supposedly has ADHD as well, but the meds do nothing for her. Her behavior hasn't changed at all since being on the meds, although her mother swears she's ten times worse off the meds, which is difficult to believe. I'm also afraid I'll put him on meds and there will be no change, other than nasty side affects. I know there is nothing wrong with putting a child on meds, if they really need them, but I want to make sure he really needs them before going that route, I really feel like sometimes its just for the teachers bennefit and not the childs. I am also afraid that if I have him evaluated that they'll force me to put him on meds. Can they do that? I just hate the idea of my sons brain being messed with, where he can't be himself, where he's out of it or sleepy. Not in control of his own personality. I don't want him to be dependent on meds for the rest of his life. Sorry I'm just voicing all my concerns and fears, which I'm sure you ladies have all had and already been through. So I'm sure you understand how overwhelming and scary this is for me. He's such a great kid, and has such a beautiful personality. He really belongs on a stage. He's just so full of energy and life, I don't want to take away his light. you know?

Oh by the way, I did ask them last year about evaluating him for ADHD and they also advised against it??? And I also asked about my older son being evaluated for dislexia, but they wanted to go straight to an IEP and not have him evaluated??? I don't understand that? Even if I ask them to evaluate my youngest son for ADD or ADHD what if they won't? What if they just go straight to IEP again?

Also can I ask you ladies about the meds your children are on? Name? Dosage? side affects if any?

OK first They CANNOT MAKE you put him on meds if you are against it.
I was VERY much the same as you for a long time and now I actually feel badly for not going ahead and having it done sooner and all the headaches I could have averted
My mind is kinda split on the home school option
I see the pluses but also the down sides.
IEP isnt a bad option but understand that even once he is off to college he will have an IEP chart where as and IEP follows him where ever
So if he were 13 and grew out of his behaviors and was no longer having problems and you transfered to Say Texas (for lack of a batter example) When you have his records transfered his IEP goes with it and the new school (in my opinion any how) might treat him differently because of it But the ADHD if you have it done yourself is a medical condtion and they cant transfer that info. That is my thought on that any how.
Also a good doctor will start with the lowest possible dose of a medication and then work up
Not the other way around
My son has never really had any adverse effects to it, in the beggining he had some loss of appetite and some sleeping problems but with in a month he worked thru that
His first Medication was Concerta We started on 16 nd that wasnt enough so he (his doctor) had us double it (the doctor said since we already had the 16 it would be cheaper for us to give him two pills to test it than to call in a new rx) but 32 was too much so we did 27 and that was FABULOUSE for a while
2 growth spurts later we had to up his dose to 32 and that worked well for a while
That eventually quit working (bodies adjust to medications and sometimes a change is nessecary) and his doctor switched him to Focalin XR 10 mgs which wasnt enough so we upped it by 10 mgs a little at a time untill we got the right one. he is now on 30 mgs.
I am with you not every child should be medicated and I didnt want to be forced into something
HOWEVER if you decide to do it I will tell you to take him to his pediatrician and ask them for a referral and have the eval done privatly rather than thru the school.
Then they will give YOU the results and YOU can see them first and decide whats best for YOU and your son. Then you take that to your pediatrition who will work with you to find the right medication and dose for him if thats what you decide to do.
I wish I had ignored his teachers when he was six and gone ahead and had the eval done I think of all the things he and I went thru and all the punishments that were totaly unnessecary.
His medications have done him a world of good he is now MUCH less impulsive and does soo much better in school As I said he did well to begin with but even better now. ANd the only real trouble he gets into now is normal kid stuff. (He still gets punished for that kind of stuff but he isnt CONSTANTLY being punished like before)
The reason I think the schools up there advise against it is because ADHD was getting way over diagnosed and they dont want to be the people telling you to do it and holding a grudge against them.
Any how thats been my experience
Have have two other children and I a watching them
My middle is in third grade now and I dont have the same problems at all
My youngest is in first grade and again not many problems with her
BUT if they start to exhibit the same signs that he did
I think I will jump ahead of the school and get it done
Thats My experience and I HTH
But you are his mother and you are the only one who can make that decision
Keep me posted on whats going on!

Thank you so much. I think that if I have him evaluated I'll go have it done privately so like you said, in case he outgrows it, or no longer needs meds when he's older he won't have a label in the school system. Well I guess the first thing to do would be call the doctor to get a referal to have him evaluated. I'll start there, and just see what happens. Sigh...I know we'll get through this somehow. thanks for listening to me and for the advise.

No problem I hope thigns turn out well for you.
If he does have ADHD you will still notify the school (he may need lunch time meds usualy not but sometimes) and its helpfull for when he grows and needs a med adjustment but I dont feel its nearly as negative as an IEP chart
Thats JMO
As I said keep me informed!

Thanks, Yeah I think that if we have to go this route, I'd rather to it myself than have the school be in control. We have an appointment for referral on wednesday. I will let you know how it goes.