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Old May 9th, 2012, 13:01 PM   1
Akinesia
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Advice on how to overcome a traumatic labour?


Hello ladies, I was wondering if any of you had a traumatic birth experience and have gone on to be brave and get pregnant again? I haven't shared my story on here because it is so upsetting and I prefer to just block out the details. But OH and I have been talking and we both want to give our son at least one sibling. But I am terrified after everything I have been through. I'm considering adoption instead, but not sure if we'd be able to afford it. I find myself still thinking about what happened and breaking down crying. The thought of going through something similar again in another pregnancy... I don't know if I would be strong enough for it. That week in hospital was the worst week of my life. My son's birth should have been the happiest time of my life but it was far from it because of several surprise health issues and a few nasty hospital staff members and their mistakes and oversights.

Has anyone had a horrible pregnancy and birth experience, felt traumatized by it but recover and go on to have another pregnancy? Will I feel better about everything in time? I could use some positive stories and advice. Thank you.



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Old May 9th, 2012, 15:35 PM   2
wiiwidow
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Aw bless you, I must say your post struck a nerve with me! I had quite a traumatic birth, probably nothing in comparison to yours but in a nutshell, I was on crutches for the last 2 weeks, in a lot of agony with spd this was followed by a very quick but very painful 7 hours or so of back to back labour, followed by 2 hours of pushing at which point he was discovered to be stuck. I had to have internal manipulation followed by 2 attempts at forceps before he came out with a lot of tearing and a substantial episiotomy. Which subsequently split and became infected. I didn't have the best experience of the staff either, with various bad or unfeeling incidents.
Anyway I was very anti the thought of having another pregnancy and labour (I was also quite traumatised and suffered after with PTSD and I think possible PND in hindsight,) and it's only in the last few months that I have even thought about it and my son is 15 months!!
Give yourself time to heal and recover, it's true what they say that time heals and you begin to forget a certain amount of it. Not all to be fair!! Is your baby only 6 weeks? If so I'd give yourself at least a year to get over it, you need to recover mentally and physically and it takes a long time!
Also I had a debriefing session with my hospital, which helped amazingly. Can you see if they can do something like this for you?
I may get shot down in flames but they said if I was still struggling when I next got pregnant, I could ask to see a consultant and potentially be granted a c section. Personally I find this is a good thought for me, as I can't bear the thought of my bits getting wrecked again, plus the labour itself and the recovery was awful! I know others who won't agree, but this helps me at least to know that is a possibility.
Anyway hope that helps a little bit? Am sure there are others out there who have gone on to have lovely natural births! xxx



 
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Old May 9th, 2012, 17:02 PM   3
Akinesia
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Thank you for sharing your story, it helps to know I'm not alone in having this type of experience. Yes, my baby is just over 6 weeks old, but I can't help but think about our future now and the possibility that he may be an only child. Before having children, my OH and I had always said that four children would be a perfect number for us, and I feel horrible that I am having to question whether I'll be able to do that for our family now. I can see how disappointed my OH looks when we discuss the possibility that I may be done with pregnancy.



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Old May 10th, 2012, 12:23 PM   4
aliss
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Hi,

Your story sounds very familiar. We very much wanted 4 and a very traumatic labour with birth injury really set me off motherhood.

Take the baby discussion off the table for a good year. It will take a lot of time for you to mentally heal. What ultimately helped me was my miscarriage, ironically enough, at home on my own terms. I have a home birth plans which lessens my anxiety of hospital incompetence. Education, and time.

I too have said my son's birth was the worst day of my life, he is now 2 and well, it's true, it was the worst day. I have no shame in admitting that. He is amazing now but week 1 was horrid, I almost ran away.



 
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Old May 10th, 2012, 14:37 PM   5
shinona
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I also had a traumatic experience the first time ( almost 2 days in labour ending in a foreceps delivery in theatre and narrowly avoidng a ection) and I couldn't talk about it without crying for maybe 6 months and even after that I would still sometimes break down thinking or talking about it. My advice is to keep talking about it and don't bottle it up. It gets easier with time,I promise. your hormones are still all over the place too at the moment.

When I fell pregnant with dd, I thought about an elective section but my midwife (different hospital and area) talked to me at length about it. My fear was the same labour again but ending up with a section. Her view was that I probably wouldn't need any interventions and she was right. My second labour was about 9 hours from first contraction and I had gas and air for the final hour only. Dd popped out in about 3 pushes. A wonderful exprience.

*hugs*



 
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Old May 10th, 2012, 17:02 PM   6
CandyDay
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I had a very traumatic birth experience with my first. Let's just say I almost didn't make it. It was terrible and I never wanted to go thru that again. I have now had a second and her birth was completely different. I had a natural delivery with no pain meds. I was determined with this one that things would be different I would do everything possible to go naturally. Thankfully that is how things worked out. We waited 4 years between the two as we were scared after the first. My two deliveries were very different from each other.
My sister in law also had a traumatic first experience where her LO was very sick and she wasn't able to hold him for 4 days and he had tubes all over the place. Thankfully he made it, and 4 years later they had a second and her labour was quick and out came the LO and everything was fine with her.

So I would say just because one labour and delivery went wrong doesn't mean the next one will be the same way.
I am glad I had a second and that it was a good experience.



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Old May 11th, 2012, 13:58 PM   7
tristansmum
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oh hun you only had your baby 6 weeks ago. Everything is so fresh in your mind and your hormones are everywhere. You are still healing physically and emotionally. Give yourself time.

I had a traumatic birth. Nothing compared to some ladies i'm sure but basically I was induced. Laboured to 10cm ok although very painful. I pushed for about 2 hours but he didnt move. He was having decelerations. They realised he was facing my side and his head was tilted so took me to theatre for forceps. got a spinal luckily. tried to forceps but nothing moved him so was emergency section. I know they were worried as they had neonatal team in the room but thankfully he was fine. It took me a long time to 'get over' the birth. I was so upset about it all. But time is a healer. At 6 weeks i was no even contemplating another baby! I was struggling with bad baby blues, crying all the time, exhausted and an emotional wreck! He is 19 months now and i've come off BC and we are going to see what happens.

Every birth is different. My friend had a horrrid forcep delivery with her first and an amzing drug free water birth with her second. I keep that in mind and try to remember that they are totally worth every moment of pain. I would suggest the debrief if you can get that over there.



 
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Old May 11th, 2012, 14:33 PM   8
chuck
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Time, sharing, counselling and contacting other mother who have gone through trauma and will understand you can t just get over it and having a healthy isnt all that matters sometimes.

In the uk we have the birth trauma association
http://www.birthtraumaassociation.org.uk/

who are wonderful at supporting mothers through healing after a traumatic birth, see if you can find something similar but closer to you

i was in labour over 24 hours every drug going ended in EMCS alone in theatre and hubby got thrown out less than an hour after i can out of theatre as it was night time and the theatre staff didn't talk to me all sorts of things contributed to me all but hating what happened.

It took me a while but I slowly allowed what happened to make me stronger, I educated myself so I could and would not allow the same things to happen (I planned an HBAC). I shared with others the knowledge I gained and I now live with the knowledge that despite me having to survive the trauma i did I have helped others to avoid it.

Don't allow your suffering to be to no end, you will heal, yet you wil always have scars just dont let them be something you are ashamed of.



 
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Old May 11th, 2012, 17:30 PM   9
Mrsmitch80
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Hi,

I'm so sorry for what you have been through, I can understand how you feel. I had an awful birth experience with my daughter, staff who couldn't decide what to do with me, faulty equipment and being rushed to theatre for a section even though I was screaming that i was ready to push. I delivered naturally in theatre after an epitiotomy with no pain relief, my baby was tiny and poorly, she was taken to the neonatal whilst I was left on the ward not knowing what had gone on. I could go on and on!

For a long long time afterwards I cried about it, I couldn't talk about it let alone think about going through it again. Eventually we decided to try again, my daughter loves other children and I didn't want my bad experience to prevent her from the joy of a sibling so I decided that I would go to a different hospital. The different doctors and surroundings made it a whole different experience. I can honestly say that I didn't worry about the birth, my husband was scared after last time but I just knew going to a different and better in my opinion hospital put me at ease.

I gave birth 2 weeks ago and my experience was amazing, I had a water birth with virtually no intervention during the whole time. I felt fully in control and it was lovely.

Time and talking are great healers, it's really early days for you yet, give yourself time. I literally cried for the first few months after my daughter was born but now I can just put it down to a horrible experience that I got something wonderful from.

Xxx



 
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Old May 12th, 2012, 04:47 AM   10
lozzy21
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It took me over a year, counselling and medication to be open to the idea of another.



 
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