brilliant!! Havent laughed so hard in ages! keep them coming ladies xx

well my labour was only 2hrs from start to finish as i was induced and 45mins of that was pushing so as you can imagine my contractions was very close together i told the mw they was to close together but due to not making any noise she didnt belive me this time i will scream lol then transition stage hit me i ran out into the hall and shouted i cant do this anymore much to all the staffs amusement must of thought i couldnt cope seen as it had only been half hour and then i told them i had to poo i really had to poo and was very much telling the whole world she said maybe you do but no it meant i was about to push lol while pushing i asked if i could scream (reason for this is when my sister gave birth they told her of for screaming so i was frightened to) i was very quiet through out or so i thought yet apparently they had never heard so many swear words come out of someones mouth before :/ i dont remember making a sound lol and although i did not have any drugs at all afterwards all i remember was being told i couldnt eat for several hours due to compliactions and i went on and on and on about the fact i was missing the turkey roast and it was the only decent dinner that they ever served i even begged a surgeon to please let me have the only decent dinner they served and even gave him my best pet lip

I love these, cant wait to go into labor!

I have been CRYING with laughter! I've just informed DH that G+A can make you say crazy things and now he cant wait! x

thank you everyone for sharing your stories, they are great. I've just sat and read through the whole lot of them. Love it!

This made me laugh pretty hard - this is something my OH would do and guaranteed I will have the EXACT same reaction as you did!!

aha these are brilliant!

These stories are fabulous! Just what I needed to take my mind off work the past few days

To add a few of my own, although not as funny as some of the others!

With DD#1, I had gone in with what I thought was labor, but was sent home. 3 days later, when I actually WAS in labor, I was in denial because I didn't want to embarrass myself again. My hubby asked if he should stay home or go into the office (it was my due date, but his last day working that particular job). I told him to go ahead and go into work... Well, my mom and dad both showed up at my house a few hours later (oddly enough uncoordinated despite being married and living together...). I had been working on my laptop, and tracking contractions. Mom asked how they were, and I said oh you know - about 5 minutes apart, but no big deal. Well, she made lunch and I was thoroughly nauseated even by the thought, so they ate in one room while I was in another. Apparently this is when transition labor hit. My hubby called to check in on me, and I could not talk during contractions, just make noises like 'mmm hmm, uh huh' so he had NO idea I was in labor. I told him to stay at work! My dad finally came in and informed me we were going to the hospital because he was timing my contractions too, and they were 90 seconds apart! Mom drove me, and I am afraid to say I cussed her out almost the entire time! The words that came out of my mouth... And then proceeded to apologize in between contractions. At one point, she was unsure where the parking garage was - and I said VERY loudly 'HOW THE F**K DO YOU NOT KNOW WHERE IT IS!!!!! JESUS F'ING CHRI*T!!' followed by, 'omg, i'm so sorry mom. It is up on the right, just keep in this lane and then F*CK THIS HURTS'. We got to the hospital, I waved off a wheelchair (dumb idea), and then the nurses were going to put me in triage. Luckily, triage was full, so I went straight back to a labor room to wait. I went to the bathroom, and sure enough - waters break. It was a TON of water - had to be all of it, or so I thought... My mom grabbed a nurse, and they frantically assembled a team to admit me, put in an IV, notify my doctor, set up the delivery equipment... Meanwhile my father had phoned my hubby and hubby was speeding his way to the hospital. The next 10 minutes I alternated between demanding my epidural (nurse was very polite saying 'we'll get right on that', even though it was much too late), and informing them that if the baby crowned they had to put it back until my husband was there. Mixed with much profanity. My hubby arrived moments before the doc, and I was sooo happy to see him. I had planned on only having my hubby and the doc there when I delivered... the room was full of approximately 15 people - including my mom & dad! I didn't even realize they were there, and was told a few days later. Well, doctor rushes in, nurses hold up scrubs for him to basically run into like in a cartoon, and I got to push. I told them I didn't want to push because I was afraid I was going to tear... Doc kept saying that it wasn't going to happen (he lied - I tore), when LO crowned, I demanded that they either pull her out or push her back in, but she couldn't stay there. Doc politely told me it was my job to push her out She was delivered in a tidal wave of amniotic fluid - the doc was totally and completely drenched, through the scrubs and all. The nurses thought it was hilarious. He said 'its a girl' and hubby and I both said 'are you sure?' lol. We had been team yellow Doc apparently got cleaned up before delivering the placenta and stitching me up - I was totally unmedicated but completely out of it anyway with all the adrenaline and rush of things. I wasn't yet officially admitted to the hospital at the time of birth, and apparently everything went down in about 25 minutes. Afterward, my mom came over to me, and I remember the very first thing I said to her was... 'did you have a chance to get my clothes out of the bathroom???'. I was totally obsessed with making sure we didn't leave my clothes there, even though they were basically ratty old sweats!

I'll post my 2nd one later

I pooped myself is that funny enough how embarrasing. I was also asking to see pictures of my dog.
Also when the surgeon came to give me an episiotomy in order to get the ventouse and forcepes up he was really telling me off because i kept pulling my bum back because it reaaaally hurt and the midwife told me after that i actually told him to piss of otherwise i will take the knife and lob it at you lol. i always forget that part but ash likes to remind me that the surgeon wasnt impressed

That's hilarious!