I love this thread!! Brilliant!!

I've got a wicked G&A video clip from my labour that I'll post if I can work out how lol!

Nothing really funny from my labour, most amusing parts (in hindsight!) were trying to bite the midwife mid contraction when I was reaching transition, that was when she suggested pain relief for me lol!
Other thing was once daughters head had been delivered and was outside my body, everyone was saying 'her heads out, she's got loads of hair' etc and I was hysterically crying going 'what's wrong with her? Why isn't she crying?' I had NO idea the entire baby has to be born before they cry - felt like a right donkey then lol xx

That seems like a completely justified reaction. I think I would have said the same think - YIKES!

Once i got the epidural i kept doing really long drawn out farts that i had no control over! If that wasnt bad enough when thedoctorwas giving me an internal i farted right in his face!!! Eek!!!

When the midwife was checking me for tears after LO was born, I said to her 'Stop playing with my clit - it hurts'


I have no idea why I used the word 'playing' I blame the G&A!!!

But the best part is... DH looked all offended and said 'But I'm not even touching you'

These are too fun. I'll be sure to come back and post mine when baba arrives. But until then, i'll just tell you my sisters delivery story.

She stayed with us for the last few weeks of pregnancy so we could take her to the hospital and all that.. So anyways, she got up in the night to get a drink, and her waters broke when she was downstairs. She screamed and my hubby jumped up and ran downstairs, forgetting he had no clothes on. And when I got down the 2 of them were in pisses laughing in the kitchen and the dog was licking up the puddle!

Then when my sister was pushing she was squeezing my DH's hand. And she dug her nails into his hand so he pulled his hand away. And she shouted at him 'Tommy you're such a bloody pussy, man up and grow some balls'. The look on his face was priceless! He looked so afraid of her!

And when the baby arrived my hubby was asked 'Daddy do you want to cut the cord' and he said 'No no no, I....' and my sister butted in 'Will someone just cut the frickin cord already, jeesh you're soooooo slow'.

Afterwards I when I was holding the baby:
Sister: You want one now Grace, Don't you? You have to have one!
My Husband: If she's anything like you in labour.. no babies!
Me: You're worse than mom, we're only just married, we'll have a baby when we're ready
Sister: *Crying* Whaaaaaaat!
My Husband: Grace, why is she crying!?"
Me: It's the drugs
My Husband: What! Drugs! You're not supposed to take drugs when you're pregnant, wouldn't it harm the baby!?!?!?!

My niece is now 3!

@ your OH, it's so cute when men are so clueless about these things.

I love these stories.

I was having a normal labour and headed to the hospital and eventualy got examined I was contracting for over a minute long each time with very little break in between each one ... she examined and said well I think you are about two centermeters so youcant be in this much pain and I will move you to the ward and basically told me to stop making a fuss.

She said she was going on a tea break and she would sort me out when she had finished. Well I told my OH i needed the loo so waddled off down the corridor to the tiny cubicle. Well after sitting there for a minute or two my other half came wandering down - he was talking to a midwife just outside the door saying he had lost his wife ... at which pointed i shouted ... they had to unlock the door with a coin to me shouting very loudly cant you leave me alone I just need a big poo. The midwife managed to get me up and actually it was my daughter making her way into the world. My midwife walked back in and I was holding my daughter and she was so shocked she almost passed out she missed the whole thing whilst on her tea break and the consultant that delievered my daughter wasnt impressed!

My OH will never let me live it down that I was shouting about needing a poo keeps teasing me about going to the loo during this labour!

This thread is excellent!!

Great thread! I'm getting nervous about my planned c-section but this has cheered me up! Thanks for sharing

Slightly disappointed with my labour, it was quick and went well but was hoping I'd have some really hilarious stories to tell you all!
The only funny things that really happened were just after I'd got to hospital and I needed to have a "clear-out". I'm a nervous pooer and had never pooed in the house while OH was home so I went to the loo in the hospital and the smell was horrendous so I couldnt disguise it. Just kept on apologising to OH who just found it quite funny.

Just before I started pushing I wanted to get up and walk round but as I stood up off the bed I got a contraction and ended up biting OH's shoulder really hard and he had a bruise for about a week haha.
When I'd been pushing for a while on all fours on the bed the midwife told me I had to get on my back and after them having to convince me for about 15 mins I eventually turned over. OH went to my bottom end to help me move my legs cos they'd gone numb with me putting all my weight on my knees. Just as he picked my leg up I did the most tremendously loud and stinky fart in his face....
He will NEVER let me live that one down!!

Oh and that night, I stood up to hobble off to the bathroom for a pee and when I stood up I pissed all over the floor. Mortified isn't the word.... :S

Hope next time will be funnier :P