Thank you everyone! I don't have any children yet - so no stories, but man these were fun to read!!

Omg, couldn't they get you into a toilet or anything?! :/ xx

I am actually sat on the sofa crying with laughter!! I felt really rubbish today so was looking for something to cheer me up - this has definitely worked!! Thanks ladies!!

send him my way next time

Yeah I was quite proud of that

Oh my these are so funny! Thanks for sharing everyone

A few moments from mine:

I was in hospital for 2 nights due to PROM and OH had to be called at 2:20am to come in as baby was coming. On arrival he is told which room I was in, walked in and was immediately glared at by a couple whose baby had just been born. He was very embarrassed and not happy to be told the wrong room!

Between contractions I kept talking about One Born Every Minute and how I now understood the women on there, for some reason this embarrassed OH. I told him the baby was coming because I felt the baby near my bum which felt like I needed to poo. I was asked if I needed to push, said no, then pushed! (they had to push his head in and tell me stop pushing as they weren't ready for me!)

I yelled "the burning ring of f*****g fire!" whilst crowning and kept apologising for swearing. I also yelled "fuuuuuuuuuu*k"

After the birth when being cleaned up I couldn't figure out how to open the pack of maternity pads saying "I've never had these before and don't know how to open them" The midwife just took them off me and tore them open.

I thought the student midwife was a comedienne I'd seen on telly and told her I recognised her.

This really made me giggle hope the G&A works for me like that haha

Don't know if these are funny but i found them funny

As soon as i went into labour i got really bad diahorrea and i was having contractions every few minutes. I couldn't sit down because it was too painful so i had to hover over the toilet and keep bobbing up and down, trying to make sure i pooped in the toilet.

I was having contractions every 2-3 minutes right from the start and couldn't sit down so the drive to the birthing centre was exteremly uncomfortable. I asked DH for a kitkat and when he tried to hand it to me i said "why are you giving me a kitkat? Do i look like i want a kitkat? Get it away from me NOW!"

When i started pushing my waters broke but LO was too low down for all of it to come out and he'd also done a poo inside me. I was on all fours and both midwifes we leaning over behind me, looking at my bits. When LO came out, which was very quickly and with a lot of force, all the green gunky water and poo fired out and went all over the equipment trolley. The midwifes only just got their heads out of the way in time!

I....

Called the midwives cnuts and then could not stop saying sorry
Made my OH take a photo of my son crowning - why?!
Spaced out way too much on gas and air and kept thinking I was someone else

these stories were so funny, made me a tad bit nervous for labour though!

Loved these stories!