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Old Jun 22nd, 2015, 21:54 PM   751
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Wow love this thread!! It has taken at least a week of night time feeds too get through all 75pages but it has made the nights much easier!! Haha.
Guess its time I added my own funny moments...

My labour was all in my back, and the contractions were fairly intense from the start. After about 10 hours of the early part of labour my husband suggested I got in the bath to help ease the pain. Well I didn't want to lie flat on my back and risk baby turning, and I couldn't fit sideways in the bath anymore so he suggested I go on all fours and he'd put the shower on and aim it at my back. This worked wonders. By this point it was breakfast time so hubby went to get some cereal and I was like 'don't leave me on my own!!' So he's sat in the bathroom with a bowl of bran flakes leaning over the side of the bath rubbing my back. All I could think was don't drop bran flakes in the bath!!

Later after I'd got out I put the tens machine on. This helped with the constant back ache and then I thought I'd try the boost button with the next contraction. When it hit, the button was out of my reach so I asked hubby to press if for me - I forgot to tell him to press and let go, so instead he pressed and held it down. Oh . my. Gosh. The pain!!! It was worse than the actual contraction!!! He had essentially tasared me during a contraction!!! It promptly made me throw up for the 3rd time and effectively terrified me to use the boost button at all after that!!!

Once we got to point that I needed to go to hospital we got in the car to discover that for the 1st time in weeks we had run out of petrol! Hubs had ment to get it on his way to work that morning but obviously he never went! So we had to stop at the petrol station on the way. As hubby was paying, another contraction hit, so there I am doubled over in the front seat, hair a right mess as it was soaked from the shower and hadn't been bushed, and making a racket like a dying cow! The look on the guys face who was getting fuel at the next bay over was priceless!!

There wasn't much funny once we got to the hospital, however hubby does love to tease me about me yelling for the g&a which I only had for the last half hour. They were prepping me for a c section as bubs heart rate kept dropping with the contractions. My body was trying to push him out while I was only 8 cm, so they gave me the g&a and kept telling me to breath through the contractions and not push. During this I kept trying to say I can't stop it coz my body was just doing it, but all that was coming out was I can't!! Everybody kept saying yes you can do it. I just remember getting really annoyed and thinking, I know I can do it, but I can't stop my body pushing!! And getting really annoyed that they didn't understand what I was trying to say!!!!
As they started to wheel me to theatre I had my eyes closed so i had no idea who was next to me, but they had taken the g&a pipe off me. I got really angry at this and screached GASSSS! at the top of my voice and angrily snached it back as soon as I felt the pipe come near my hand!! I also had yelled at hubby when I'd pulled the mouthpiece off and he was desperately trying to put it back on for me but I was moving it around so much he couldn't!

Thats all my funny moments - not that they felt particularly funny at the time!!
I did have a strange moment in theatre which I didn't know about til afterwards.
From the point they pulled me out the bath where I had been labouring, until I had my son was about 30/40 minutes. In that time I didn't once open my eyes! I couldn't tell you what my Dr looked like untill after as i just couldn't open my eyes, I had to shut myself in my own world. Once we got into theatre they checked me again and I was 10cm. They told me if I could push him out while they were still prepping for surgery then go for it. Didn't have to tell me twice. I grabbed the hands of the people on each side, thinking one was hubby, and pushed! His head was born and I waited for the next contraction to get his body out. I waited for what felt like a lifetime! Up until this point they had been right on top of each other with no break between. I remember thinking come on!! Wheres the next contraction and getting really fed up waiting for it to happen!

After the birth a couple days later I was talking to hubby and asked if it was him I had held of while I pushed and he said no. He'd nearly missed the bith as they had kept him outside while they prepped for surgery. I asked who had been standing on that side then, and he said no one was there.. Later as I talked to my dad about the birth he told me he had been sat at home and in his mind had been holding my hand through it!

So that's my story, hope it helps entertain some of you whilst your waiting for your labour or getting through the next 3am feed (as I am right now!) Looking forward to reading more new ones, hope this thread continues for many more years!

ETA: holy moly hadn't realised I'd written so much!!!

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Old Aug 12th, 2015, 22:02 PM   752
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Anyone have any new stories?

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Old Aug 18th, 2015, 08:06 AM   753
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Ok so not a new story but from the birth of my son, this is all according to my husband as I really do not remember any of it :

Gas & Air once I was in the delivery suite before they gave it to me they asked DH if he wanted a sandwich (he was wise and said no lol) anyway I then start on the G&A and not too much later start shouting at the midwifes to get out of my kitchen as my husband cannot get in to make a sandwich

Also apparently according to my husband I was so out of it my eyes were spinning in my head

I also started to go on about there being too many tree's and I couldn't get through them!! (apparently on the walls of the delivery suite were paintings of tree's )

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Old Aug 24th, 2015, 22:18 PM   754
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You know I can't remember if I've posted here before so I'm sorry of you've heard my stories. I suppose they're not too funny but they are the light hearted side of labour.

My parents were in town. I'd been having mild contractions all morning but they were getting more intense in the afternoon. My midwife had said call her when my contractions were regular and when they were getting stronger I was obsessed with timing them and writing them down. But they went from 8minutes to 5 minutes then 8minutes then 3 minutes. I said they are not regular but my husband was just saying 'ring the midwife' so in the end I gave in and rang her. When she arrived my dad had the camera out and was taking photos of the midwife and then off me having a contraction (I hate to be photographed btw). Then the midwife checked me and I was 2cm and as we had a 3+hour drive to the hospital we decided to leave.
I'd been told to put some bin liners on the car seat woth some towels in case my waters broke on the way to hospital. My dh was in the car yelling at me to go but I told him calmly I had to make sure everything was right.....the bin liners, my bags, my tens machine etc etc. I methodically checked everything whilsty dh was getting agitated.

Fast forward quite a few hours. I hadn't eaten anything aince breakfast and now it waa 10pm. The midwife had told me to bring a bag of jelly beans for energy. I demanded my jelly beans and stuffed two into my mouth only to realise I was going to vomit (again) if I ate them......I spat them both right into my midwifes face lol.

Fast forward again to pushing and I was telling my midwife 'I can't do it I can't do it'. My midwife replies 'that's why I have two dogs and not children' and 'this is why it's called labour'. I kept asking 'is it soon?' meaning is my daughter about to arrive and the mw kept saying 'soon' for about two whole hours. The ob also kept popping in to check because dd's heart had kept on slowing and she was facing the wrong way and a little bit stuck (but obviously not stuck since I pushed her out ). So finally the ob walked in and said 'oh can I watch? I don't see many normal births I'm normally doing the caesarian'. I was so excited the whole process was about to be over I didn't care that an extra person was voluntarily looking between my legs. The midwife then lifted her scissors and I remember it like a horror comedy with the mw grinning and snipping the scissors but those scissors excited me even more. And they didn't hurt at all. :-) my dd arrived safely :-)

And fast forward again a few months to a sunday morning. My dh was driving taxis and picked up a lady who'd been out all was only the ob who stayed to watch my dds birth.

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Old Aug 28th, 2015, 10:38 AM   755
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duronv my first labour in the triage room I was about 4cms and the midwife popped in and asked if I'd like some paracetamol, mid contraction I glared at her and in what my oh can only describe as a demon voice I hissed at her that "I was having a baby not a fucking headache!" She (thankfully) took it lightheartedly, smiled (making me want to punch her in the teeth) and said "ok, I'll leave them on the side incase" as she left the room I asked my oh to pass me them and he obliged thinking I was going to take them only to see them fly past his head at the door as it closed behind her. I'm usually a very quiet and polite person, my oh was gobsmacked lol

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Old Aug 28th, 2015, 11:31 AM   756
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When I went into labor, I thought I had to go number 2 so I kept asking for a bedpan. Well while she was coming, I felt something slide out my rear and I screamed "told you I had to s***!"

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Old Sep 7th, 2015, 07:26 AM   757
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High on gas and air during my second labor, while getting an epidural, the student midwife was in front of me holding my hair, top up and relaxing my shoulders. Didn't know until I was pain free once it kicked in she told me I had groped her boob by accident, God knows how but cringe!!

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Old Oct 23rd, 2015, 07:34 AM   758
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So this is by far my favorite thread and though I know I still have a ways to go, it makes me feel better about going into labor. Anytime I get nervous thinking about it, I just come here and read these stories and feel so much better again. I know I'll have some stories to add when I give birth because I'm just such a weird person.

Example: This past June I had surgery to have my gallbladder out. While they were getting me prepped, they gave me some kind of drug through the IV to relax me. BF said my pupils got huge and I just remember being so happy and smiling. Well, I LOVE the movie Baby Momma and decided to say to the anesthesiologist, "This stuff is great. What's the street name for this stuff?" which is a quote from the movie. Needless to say, he did NOT find that funny and my BF just looked down and shook his head.

Example 2: We were surprised when I found out I was pregnant, so when we went to the first ultrasound around 6 weeks I was nervous. When the woman found the little guy in there and showed us, the first words to pop out of my mouth was another quote from Baby Momma, specifically, "Holy shit, there's a baby in there?!?!" She didn't find that funny either.

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Old Oct 24th, 2015, 20:52 PM   759
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After 2 weeks of BH and false alarms I finally went into labor on 10/21/15. I literally went from the BH maybe every 10 minutes apart to painful long lasting contractions 3 minutes apart just like that, it happened so fast. When we got to the hospital I kept asking if it was the real thing and the nurses kept laughing at me because apparently it was pretty obvious that it was.

This was my 2nd and the whole labor was only 5hrs, but it was very intense. My mom and my husband did a wonderful job supporting me and keeping the environment calm and quiet. It was silent in the room most the time, I was just focusing on getting past each contraction. My sister had showed up when I was just getting ready to push and things were really intense. One of the student nurses came in and and asked if she could come in right as I had a contraction building and I responded in a possessed demon voice NOOO! As soon as it passed I apologized and said yes she can come in.

My first baby was 6lbs 4.5oz and this baby was 8lbs 11.5oz! I could feel her crowing and it hurt, I didnt feel anything with my first until I had pushed the head out, so I kept thinking I had pushed the head out when I hadn't. I kept asking the nurse is she out? Grab her! She would say no not yet, close. I was getting so pissed. When I finally pushed her out I said she's out now right??! The dr said reach down and grab your baby and I was like, it's about time!

I had a water birth and had to get out to deliver the placenta. The severed cord and clamp were hanging out of me and I had tons of hind water coming out, it was not a pretty sight. I heard a big gush when my placenta was delivered and thought it was more hind water, but apparently it was blood! It filled up the whole bucket type thing they had. Of course my mom happened to look over right as this happened. Her face was priceless

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Old Oct 25th, 2015, 06:43 AM   760
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The only embarassing thing to happen to me was during labour I was so nauseous. I think it was the shot of morphine they gave me. I told the nurse I was gonna be sick and she held up one of those kidney shaped bowls. I warned her that it might not be big enough but she said it was ok. I projectile vomited all over her felt so bad! They had to call the cleaners in to change the bed and clean the floor.

Oh and as the anesthesiologist was leaving I said 'thanks man, you are awesome!' since I had been screaming for an epidural for hours (really intense and long back labour, I wussed out).

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