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Old Jan 23rd, 2016, 18:43 PM   781
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Oh my gosh lol, these are hysterical!!!!!! I had two c-sections, so no labor stories. But with our second, after I had him, DH was holding him and our then four year old in his lap. During this VERY sweet father-son moment, I am drugged out of my mind on IV pain meds. (I refused the next round because they made me feel so weird!) Anyway, the baby was all swaddled up, and as DH and DS are cooing and talking to him, baby lets a big fart rip. In my drugged state, I found this HYSTERICAL, and made the joke, "Ha! He's wrapped up like a baby burrito, and burritos make you fart!" This seemed like the funniest joke of all time when I said it. Apparently I REALLY liked it...because as I drifted in and out of consciousness, I made the same joke...three more times. Lol our oldest probably thought I was insane...

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Old Jan 23rd, 2016, 18:55 PM   782
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Lol burrito farts.

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Old Jan 25th, 2016, 13:35 PM   783
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A doctor came in and felt my belly and all around at about 4-5cm and proclaimed - "You have about a 9 pound baby in there!" I said "f**k you I do!!" *whispers to OH* "that man is a lunatic!" I was convince I was having a 7pound baby.

Our son was born 8lbs10oz. Shows how much I know!

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Old Jan 26th, 2016, 20:25 PM   784
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Originally Posted by Just1more2 View Post
A doctor came in and felt my belly and all around at about 4-5cm and proclaimed - "You have about a 9 pound baby in there!" I said "f**k you I do!!" *whispers to OH* "that man is a lunatic!" I was convince I was having a 7pound baby.

Our son was born 8lbs10oz. Shows how much I know!
I wouldn't want to be told how big the baby I had to push out of my vag was either.

Old Feb 12th, 2016, 22:10 PM   785
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When I was being stitched up this is what happened:

The Boston hockey team was playing the night I gave birth. hubby and I root for them. Dh says "babe Boston won the game"
And I go
"This is the best day ever! I gave birth and Boston won!"
The guy stitching me laughed so hard he had to stop what he was doing for a minute.

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Old Feb 14th, 2016, 13:48 PM   786
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I forgot about this moment. A few days before I went into labour an airline was having an enormous seat sale, so hubby and I thought we'd book a trip somewhere. The seat sale ended at 8 pm on Dec 8th. I had two days of false labour so we sort of forgot all about the seat sale. I was in true labour at the hospital on Dec 8, and after 30 hours I was in excruciating pain and was crying hysterically and I suddenly realized the seat sale was ending soon! Between contractions I was sobbing from exhaustion and telling my hubby to get the iPad because we needed to decide where we were going and book a flight. He kept telling me it wasn't the time to be bookig a trip, but I wouldn't let it go. Eventually I forgot about it and we didn't end up booking anything.

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Old Mar 1st, 2016, 13:47 PM   787
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Best thread ever

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Old Mar 3rd, 2016, 19:37 PM   788
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My birth story:

We had planned to have our little one at a birthing unit. Just me, my partner and the midwife in the room.
We live in New Zealand but are from the UK. My Mum, Grandma, Sister and her boyfriend (who I had never met) were due to arrive in NZ Nov 30th and baby was due December 5th.
My family arrived and we spent the 1st December walking around malls and the city centre for roughly 5 hours. I was exhausted! I dropped my family off at the supermarket and I had to pop to a DIY store up the road. As soon as I set off I felt an awful pain like I needed the toilet. QUICKLY! So I dashed home (half way between the supermarket and DIY store), ran to the toilet but the pain had gone. I grabbed my keys to leave again and the pain came back, so I legged it to the loo. The pain, again, disappeared. I got a glass of water, drank it then set off out the door again. The pain came back again and I thought... Oh dear, I think this is it!
I called my partner who just happened to be at the front door, having left work early. I told him I thought it was starting and he said "probably not, it'll just be BH"... With that, the pain came back and I was on the floor!
He went to collect my family and when they got back he called the midwife. She arrived around 6pm and did in internal examination. By this point, I was already in a LOT of pain and sure baby was on her way soon.
But the midwife told me I had 12-14 hours before I needed to go to the hospital. I was like "nope, I'm telling you she's coming soon".

Anyway, unbeknownst to me, the midwife had told my partner to give me Paracetamol and Cocodamol. She told him it wouldn't do anything for the pain but would have a placebo effect. In reality, it blew my socks off and there are two hours I still can't remember to this day, where apparently I was asking my mum to remove my hips because I didn't need them and I tried to get in the car and drive myself to the hospital

I was having extremely painful contractions by this point and they were getting closer together. At 9pm I went to the toilet and my water broke. I heard the splash, looked at my partner and asked him if the baby was in the toilet haha

As soon as my water broke, I needed to push! I hobbled into the living room and told my mum and partner and my partner said "no I doubt you do" but my mum took one look at me, yelled at my partner to call the midwife and she laid me down on my bed, trying to recall how to stop pushing during labour.

The midwife came over (roughly half an hour later!!) and told me she thought baby had moved her position and I didn't really need to push! She did another IE and said "oh my god don't push, don't push! I can feel the head!"

She told me to breathe through the feeling that I needed to push and that she had to call an ambulance as she had no delivery tools with her. The ambulance arrived and they brought in the bed and she just shook her head and said "we don't have time!".

She was ordering my family about, telling hem what to do... Grandma was holding a mirror at the end of the bed so I could get a good visual idea of when to push, partner was on the bed at the side of me holding my hand, Mum was on my other side mopping my brow, sister's boyfriend (who I had met 24 hours earlier!) was heating towels with the hairdryer by the side of the bed, one paramedic was stood idly at the other side of the room wondering what to do with himself and the other paramedic was tending to my sister who had passed out in the hallway

All this whilst I was butt-naked on the bed, covered in sick because I'd had a reaction to the one puff of gas and air I had, and the midwife telling me I needed to push harder or she'd have to snip me and my baby was being born into a bunch of plastic supermarket bags we had put down to protect the bed!

Our birth plan definitely was not stuck to!!!

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Old Mar 4th, 2016, 02:59 AM   789
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Hahahahaha what a STORY dobsd x

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Old Mar 8th, 2016, 13:16 PM   790
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I love this thread. Looking forward to hearing more!

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embarrasing , funny , labour , stories

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