What not to say: - Page 54

AEM1803 · Jul 7th, 2011, 08:59 AM

hmm my best friend said this to me-
(she had an abortion)- She said well i hope that we can still be friends after all this.. my reply- what do you mean?- she then goes on to say... well Since i willing got rid of mine.. and u are loosing urs.. i just dont see how we can still be friends..

first of all- her situation is totally different then mine!! how dare she even bring it up when im going through this.. 2nd- why did she honestly think would come of her saying that to me? like seriously.. im loosing my baby.. about to go for emergency surgery.. and u are bringing up the fact that u got rid of urs.. and that u dont wanna be friends? bah

samiam · Jul 7th, 2011, 09:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AEM1803

hmm my best friend said this to me-
(she had an abortion)- She said well i hope that we can still be friends after all this.. my reply- what do you mean?- she then goes on to say... well Since i willing got rid of mine.. and u are loosing urs.. i just dont see how we can still be friends..

first of all- her situation is totally different then mine!! how dare she even bring it up when im going through this.. 2nd- why did she honestly think would come of her saying that to me? like seriously.. im loosing my baby.. about to go for emergency surgery.. and u are bringing up the fact that u got rid of urs.. and that u dont wanna be friends? bah

Wow. That's really harsh of her. Sorry AEM.

Megg33k · Jul 8th, 2011, 16:24 PM

Holy crap... Your friend sucks, AEM!

And, I knew too, btw... I had an awful feeling all day but thought I was being silly and paranoid until I woke up bleeding.

Mellybelle · Jul 9th, 2011, 17:28 PM

I just posted this elsewhere, but its appropriate for here...

I think the best comment I got was "I'm so sorry you lost your baby. It just isnt fair". This was perfect.

As for the stupid comments, to name but a few...
"There must have been something wrong with the baby"
"Its gods way"
"Its natural selection"
"Why arent you back at work yet"
"Keep trying, maybe next time you'll get a girl"
"Your babys soul will come back in another baby"
"Just because tests showed nothing wrong with the baby, it doesnt mean there wasnt something wrong"
"These things just happen"
"Lucky you already have children"
"Its because your eggs are old" (I was 34)
"Its because your husbands sperm is old" (he was 36)

These are just a few, and many of them were said more than once.

fairywings · Jul 9th, 2011, 17:42 PM

When I found out my friend had lost another child ( her third) ( a couple days before my son died ) I just gave her the biggest hug said I was so sorry and it wasn't fair.

to all who now have angel babies. I am one to say I am sorry for your losses. xxx

TheSmpsns · Jul 10th, 2011, 17:28 PM

wow, I have heard almost all of these in the past few days. I'm glad that you posted. Thank you.

samiam · Jul 11th, 2011, 00:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheSmpsns

wow, I have heard almost all of these in the past few days. I'm glad that you posted. Thank you.

I'm sorry for your loss.

bdawn8403 · Jul 11th, 2011, 09:19 AM

I have heard so many of these from doctors and nurses.

I can't handle the "sorrys" anymore.

Here are some others I've heard

From my grandma:
"Well at least you didn't feel it move"
"Be thankful you weren't far like I was. I remember I was 4 months along during one of mine"

Doctor at ER:
"You did miscarry but good news you are only 26 years old and can get pregnant again."
"They have shots to help you now"

Nurse at my Gyno's office:
"We don't normally see women so early in their pregnancy, especially since its their first, but honey if you are going to miscarry there is nothing we can do about it"

The one that really gets me is "Everything happens for a reason"

NO IT DOESN'T! What is this reason? To give it to me after 2 1/2 years of trying and rip it away all in the same week. I can't fathom the reason for that.

avgabcon5 · Jul 11th, 2011, 12:51 PM

Another one I've had a few times too is 'It's surprisingly common you know'.That doesn't make it any easier and it's horrific that one person has to go through this, let alone many. No-one should have to go through this.

Fluxuspoem · Jul 12th, 2011, 09:11 AM

one thing that always upset me was " its natures way the baby must have been very ill" what a load of crap. Yes in some cases that is true but u cant say that about my baby almost like he or she was natures reject material!! Also my daughter after my loss, is living proof that this is crap as i had the most horrific pregnancy with her, bleeding preterm contractions low progesterone and hcg and permanent bed rest. She was here early but she is perfect it was just a bad pregnancy that could have resulted in miscarriage due to hematomas

Jul 7th, 2011, 08:59 AM	#531
AEM1803 Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: May 2011 Location: Canada Posts: 289	hmm my best friend said this to me- (she had an abortion)- She said well i hope that we can still be friends after all this.. my reply- what do you mean?- she then goes on to say... well Since i willing got rid of mine.. and u are loosing urs.. i just dont see how we can still be friends.. first of all- her situation is totally different then mine!! how dare she even bring it up when im going through this.. 2nd- why did she honestly think would come of her saying that to me? like seriously.. im loosing my baby.. about to go for emergency surgery.. and u are bringing up the fact that u got rid of urs.. and that u dont wanna be friends? bah

Status: Offline

Jul 8th, 2011, 16:24 PM	#533
Megg33k Trying to conceive (TTC) BnB Spammer Elite Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Gallifrey! <3 Posts: 35,606	Holy crap... Your friend sucks, AEM! And, I knew too, btw... I had an awful feeling all day but thought I was being silly and paranoid until I woke up bleeding.

Status: Offline

Jul 9th, 2011, 17:28 PM	#534
Mellybelle Other BnB Elite Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: Australia Posts: 11,670	I just posted this elsewhere, but its appropriate for here... I think the best comment I got was "I'm so sorry you lost your baby. It just isnt fair". This was perfect. As for the stupid comments, to name but a few... "There must have been something wrong with the baby" "Its gods way" "Its natural selection" "Why arent you back at work yet" "Keep trying, maybe next time you'll get a girl" "Your babys soul will come back in another baby" "Just because tests showed nothing wrong with the baby, it doesnt mean there wasnt something wrong" "These things just happen" "Lucky you already have children" "Its because your eggs are old" (I was 34) "Its because your husbands sperm is old" (he was 36) These are just a few, and many of them were said more than once.

Status: Offline

Jul 9th, 2011, 17:42 PM	#535
fairywings Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Lancashire Posts: 3,745	When I found out my friend had lost another child ( her third) ( a couple days before my son died ) I just gave her the biggest hug said I was so sorry and it wasn't fair. to all who now have angel babies. I am one to say I am sorry for your losses. xxx

Status: Offline

Jul 10th, 2011, 17:28 PM	#536
TheSmpsns Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: Texas, United States Posts: 1,211	wow, I have heard almost all of these in the past few days. I'm glad that you posted. Thank you.

Status: Offline

Jul 11th, 2011, 09:19 AM	#538
bdawn8403 Other Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Jul 2011 Posts: 1,238	I have heard so many of these from doctors and nurses. I can't handle the "sorrys" anymore. Here are some others I've heard From my grandma: "Well at least you didn't feel it move" "Be thankful you weren't far like I was. I remember I was 4 months along during one of mine" Doctor at ER: "You did miscarry but good news you are only 26 years old and can get pregnant again." "They have shots to help you now" Nurse at my Gyno's office: "We don't normally see women so early in their pregnancy, especially since its their first, but honey if you are going to miscarry there is nothing we can do about it" The one that really gets me is "Everything happens for a reason" NO IT DOESN'T! What is this reason? To give it to me after 2 1/2 years of trying and rip it away all in the same week. I can't fathom the reason for that.

Status: Offline

Jul 11th, 2011, 12:51 PM	#539
avgabcon5 Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: Lincolnshire Posts: 19	Another one I've had a few times too is 'It's surprisingly common you know'.That doesn't make it any easier and it's horrific that one person has to go through this, let alone many. No-one should have to go through this.

Status: Offline

Jul 12th, 2011, 09:11 AM	#540
Fluxuspoem Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: London, UK Posts: 2,844	one thing that always upset me was " its natures way the baby must have been very ill" what a load of crap. Yes in some cases that is true but u cant say that about my baby almost like he or she was natures reject material!! Also my daughter after my loss, is living proof that this is crap as i had the most horrific pregnancy with her, bleeding preterm contractions low progesterone and hcg and permanent bed rest. She was here early but she is perfect it was just a bad pregnancy that could have resulted in miscarriage due to hematomas

Status: Offline

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