"That's just how life is sometimes and it sucks..." Then she went on to tell me how these are life lessons and I will keep getting them till I learn what I am suppose to WTF?? Yeah that is real comforting telling me my daughter died for me to learn a life lesson and I somehow failed to learn that lesson so I had this early miscarriage.
I have a friend who told me she knew exactly how I feel about losing my daughter at 21 weeks and having this miscarriage. She was comparing it to how she felt when it took her 4 months to conceive (once they actively started try). She does have pcos and needed a little help but she was telling people she couldn't get pregnant and was so negative about after the first 2 months. I feel for you but it's not the same. You can not possibly understand how it feels to give birth to your daughter, who you know you can't keep and holding her in your arms as she dies until you experience it and I hope she never has to.
Sorry I'm a little bitter right now.
I'd be more than a little bit bitter! I don't think anyone can really understand much of any of this unless they've been there. And, as someone who has felt the pain of a MC (or 3)... Even I don't understand. I'm so sorry for what you've been through! You don't let anyone tell you it was a life lesson! It was just awful... full stop!
Not even an hour after my oh and I found out, his dad said "SEE! I TOLD you you needed to have an ultrasound before you started telling people!" as if a. We weren't planning on having an ultrasound...what on earth... And as if finding out our baby died suddenly meant we didn't have a baby and I had never been pregnant. I could have slapped him. NO mother needs an 'I told you so' after losing her baby. Still makes my blood boil.
The most common response I've had that makes my blood boil everytime is "if it wasn't meant to be, it's not meant to be".
Excuse me? My baby will always be meant to be.
And coming from my mother it's "I know you don't believe in a higher power, or God, but everything happens for a reason."
Are you bloody surprised I don't believe in God when things like this happen for no apparent reason.
We're hurting, we've lost a part of ourselves that we can never replace, how is saying that they weren't meant to be, weren't meant to live, to exist, how is that a comfort?
My nan's response was "There'll be plenty more". But there will never be this child again, why don't people understand that? Another baby will bring joy and happiness but they will never fill the gap left by this baby.
My sister's only words to me since have been "Well you seem to be doing fine".
Excuse my language, but of course I fucking am. I have to be fine. I have a 9 year old who can't see me fall apart, I have everyone watching my every move incase I indicate to anyone that something might be wrong. If I don't seem fine then I get sighs, looks and "come on, stop being so maudling".
Maudling?? No, its called trying to greive.
It makes me so angry, I'm angry at the world anyway for taking my baby from me, so why say things that make it worse?
I understand rationally and logically that there is nothing right that people can say or do in these's situations, but that doesn't take the situation away, it doesn't mean we can just sweep it under the carpet and forget... and the suggestion or implication that we should, to let other people feel better, almost hurts as much.
There are no right words or anything anyone can do to make it better or take it away, I think only a hug or "I'm sorry for your loss" would have been more positive responses for me.
Any opinions, advice, statements or other information expressed or made available on BabyandBump.Momtastic.com by users or third parties, including but not limited to bloggers, are solely those of the respective user or other third party. They do not reflect the opinions of BabyandBump.Momtastic.com and they have not been reviewed by a physician, psychologist or parenting expert or any member of the BabyandBump.Momtastic.com staff for accuracy, balance or objectivity. Content and other information presented on BabyandBump.Momtastic.com are not a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice, counseling, diagnosis, or treatment. Never delay or disregard seeking professional medical or mental health advice from your physician or other qualified health provider because of something you have read on BabyandBump.Momtastic.com. BabyandBump.Momtastic.com does not endorse any opinion, advice, statement, product, service or treatment made available on the website. If you think you have a medical emergency, call your doctor or emergency services immediately.