amore93, don't listen to those insensitive people, whoever is capable of saying such bullshit has never experienced this and no credit should be given to their words!! it's like hearing a virgin talk about penetrative orgasms and weather it's easier to achieve one doing it doggy style or a missionary...
Haha that actually gave me big laugh, it is so true but I didn't think about it that way. Thanks for the analogy
ahhh i turned to a zen buddhist and a comedian after hearing a couple of those idiotic phrases. now i laugh to those people and wish them to NEVER come to know how do their words feel! took some weeks for this magic skill to develop though!
I have experienced many of these comments from friends, family, co-workers. They just don't know what to say. I especially hate the "You're young. You have plenty of time... you will get pregnant again soon." Yes, I am young, but they don't know what is up with my body!! They don't know that it took me TWO years to conceive!
The worst that I experience though was when I told a friend what had happened and she did not say anything! She was silent and changed the subject. OUCH! I would rather people say something and possibly offend me, than not say anything at all. So we should at least be glad that the people in our lives care enough to say something even if it's not the right thing to say.
It seems like everyone tells me "at least you are young, you have plenty of time" but I just suffered from my second miscarriage! It doesn't matter how young or old you are, it hurts.
"I'm surprised you even got pregnant in the first place with how stressed you are"
"Its not the end of the world"
WOW @ the first comment. Ugh. I've had similar ones - I'm in a PhD program, and at least 3-5 people have said to me: "Was it because of the stress?" UM, NO. It's NOT because of the "stress" (which apparently other people think I'm experiencing, though I assure you I am not). The kind of stress that causes miscarriage is WAR and FAMINE, not having a paper due. F*cking idiots.
I miscarried 10days ago. We were 11weeks and 5days and it took us 10 cycles, over 14months, to fall pregnant....I am heart broken. I want my little butterfly back.
My 3 best friends are expecting around the same time as we would have been, and today one, who is a nurse, said to me 'I can't believe the doctor didn't ask you to take the baby, and placenta in to the hospital to have it inspected to make sure it had all passed. And they should certainly have asked you to take it in at least to despose of the clinical waste'. I can't tell you how shaken I am that she referred to my baby like that. I felt like screaming at her 'how would you like it if I called your baby in your tummy clinical waste'. I am shocked! I am shocked at how coldly and badly the NHS has treated me, and my best friend just underlines how little care and consideration is given to couples who go through this.
Other things not to to say:
'well now it has completed you can move on'-1 day later... if your beloved pet died would someone say this to you the next day? So why is it thought to be ok to say about a lost baby?
'you miscarried naturally, well there is some good news for you'- nobody should point out any silver-linings when the cloud is so black, there is no 'good news', or 'positives' in this situation. Some things just aren't as bad...but that doesn't mean they're good!
'at least you know now you can have a baby'- um, well no I don't actually, why do people assume this?
'don't worry you'll have a baby soon, and be part of our mummy clan' -this really cut me deep. It was dismissing my loss and twisting the knife. It was like saying you'll have another don't worry about this one, and you aren't part of what we are, you aren't a mummy.
What you should do:
Show empathy and try and understand the sadness. How would you feel in this situation? No words can make it better, but many words can make it worse. Just tell people how sorry you are, hug them, if you feel like it cry with them, let them speak about it as much or as little as they feel comfortable.
I hope our dream comes true. I'll be thinking about you all xx
Baylea, very similar to my story, but I didn't miscarry naturally, I had to have a d&c.
It's been 11 days since we found out about our baby growing wings and 7 days since we had the d&c. I have good days and bad days, more bad than good though at the moment.
Sorry for your loss hun. I totally agree with all you said in your post.
We had a family gathering yesterday, it was at our house and I agreed that it could go ahead. Oh how I wish I hadn't now. Family didn't know what to say - which isn't their fault, but they don't need to SAY anything, a cuddle instead of avoiding talking to me would have been so much better.
I feel better talking about it, and if people ask I am happy to talk about it. But only one gave me a cuddle and said they were so sorry to hear, but that it was lovely to see me. I then burst into tears but ay least I felt acknowledged, and that someone had acknowledged our loss, my loss!
But then later the same person told me she had miscarried twice when she was young, so it then made sense why she knew what to do xxx
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