Unbalanced Emotions! Crying for no apparent reason.
I am currently experiencing a miscarriage, started on the 13th March and still bleeding very lightly now, I know the worst is still to come! I should be 11+1 but my baby stopped growing before 6 weeks.
I am hoping to TTC as soon as the bleeding stops. I am being strong and keeping a smile on my face as there is nothing worst than people seeing you anything other than your normal self (easier said then done, I know).
I like to think I am a strong women.
Its taken almost 3 years to conceive and now my baby is dead, inside i am screaming and crying. I don't think it helps that my hormones are still all over the place! I am crying over silly things in films etc. I guess it doesn't help that I lost my cat in November due to illness and I never let myself grief over her. I think I am doing the same with my Little Angel.
But it is not worth stressing over things out of my control, the world will not stop spinning.
But now I find myself crying and upset and I am unsure why, I think it is hormones. As 5 minutes later I am fine, then a hour or so later I am crying again and I don't know why!!!! I am generally a emotional person anyway. Especially around the time of the month!
I'd love to have my body back to normal but I also can't wait to be pregnant again!
Just wondering if anyone else is or was like this?
I found out about my miscarriage just under a month ago and I'm still the same now, I think from reading other people's experienced on here I may have gone back to work too soon but either way I'm a mess, my immediate family are the only people who know but they haven't mentioned it to my face so I try to carry on as normal but as soon as I walk through my front door in the evenings I'm a mess, I'm hoping things will be easier in time but I feel I'm going backwards
I haven't really taken any time of work other than the 7th (When I had first scan and my OH and I just knew what second scan was bad news too) and the 8th. But that's because I can't afford time off as meant to be moving somewhere bigger as in a one bed flat and the building is not a environment I'd want to bring a child up in.
I am also prone to depression (if that's the correct term) as I have had it in the past (3 times where it has had a big impact on me, now i have the odd low day but can normally pick myself back up) and I'm worried I will head down that road again as it affects my home and work life and last time my work was not very supportive and tried to ''put notes in my file'' as they felt I wasn't working as well instead of offering me support.
I am still not sleeping through the night which I don't think helps!
I think I am also frustrated as (I know I only started to bleed a few days ago but) I thought I'd MC quickly which doesn't seem to be happening. I've had hip and back ache for two days and today I have had some mild cramps with hip ache and the bleeding has almost stopped. I want to say goodbye to my Little Angel and then start TTC a little brother of sister for him or her.
I was hoping for all the heavy bleeding to happen before I go back to work as I would hate for it to happen while at work.
Right now I feel very low, my OH is asleep and I have spent the weekend basically on my own even though he's asleep in the bedroom its not that same, he's on nights at work.
I am starting to feel numb inside as well...
I think everything is beginning to hit me about what has happened now...
The day after my scan I had a friend over for lunch so I could meet her 5 week old baby, I actually managed that day fine but if she was to turn up now I know I wouldn't be able to handle it again, I think the first few days must be some sort of weird shock or denial and once they're over the reality hits, I hate the realisation this is my life now, I keep thinking if I was pregnant again it would be better but I honestly can not imagine what that would be like either, it feels like a never ending black hole, I wish I could help you more but at least your not alone
Yes definitely. The first day wasn't so bad (after I had passed everything) but since then I am very up and down. Hormones will be all over the place which won't be helping. I haven't been back to work yet as I had already booked three days off, but I have got a sick note from the EPAU for next week. I had intended on just going straight back, that's what I always do, but I think that's asking for trouble in this case. Take some time if you can just to get your head around it and your head straight.
I thought I was doing better than I was, until I tried to say the word 'miscarriage' to someone. I realised then I couldn't even say it so the emotional stuff has yet to work itself out.
Definitely don't be at work for when the worst physical stuff happens, take my advice on this one thing please. That in itself has it's own mental baggage attached.
It is frustrating waiting to start all over but in some ways you are only at the start of the process and you need to give yourself a little time to go through it.
Hope it goes quickly and you are able to join us in the TTC after a loss thread soon. xxx
The two weeks I carried Logan after he had passed on were the hardest of all and I suspect you are going through it now. For one thing, I had some weird symptoms. I had extremely oily hair no matter how much/little I shampooed from the day he died until he came out. I call it my Scarlet A. It was such an insult to injury!
I think there is added trauma when you know your baby lies dead inside and you can't do anything about it or be certain what will happen next. When I finally lost Logan, I felt so guilty for being relieved to finally see him in the flesh and have the right to bury him. I felt guilty for being glad I wasn't going to have an infection from his fluids. I felt guilty for being relieved that he looked very normal and didn't have the abnormalities I expected like anencephaly, Harlequin-type ichthyosis, etc.
As the hormones fall and the physical closure comes, you may start to feel differently. Not better exactly. I hope that you get closure soon and that your job understands
I guess, if you are like me quite a logical person, all these emotions are a bit of a mystery. But there they are and I'm a big believer that it is healthy to go with the flow when you need to. So I have been allowing myself that with this instead of just carrying on as I normally would.
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