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Old Sep 1st, 2009, 04:24 AM   1
Kayleigh Lou
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Today would have been my due date, what do i do??


Today was supposed to be a special moment for me and my family. I would have been due today had i not miscarried at 11weeks. I want to do something special but im totally lost.

I know it should be my own idea and something special to me but all ive done so far is mope around.

It feels like if i release a balloon for my baby people will think im stupid. I dont want the while 'you were only 11weeks, what you still upset for' syndrome.

My husband seemed to be very upset at the time but since then forgot. No doubt today is just another day for him. Hes not a very emotional person and when he sees me upset he doesnt seem to know what to do.

Did any of your ladies do something nice on what would have been your due date? Or have any ideas for me

xxxxx



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Old Sep 1st, 2009, 04:59 AM   2
Rainstar
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Hey,

I'm so sorry for your loss, special dates are really hard to deal with. My due date is 3rd October and i'm going back up to a piece of woodland where i held my own memorial when i lost little one. I released a balloon back then and i'm releasing another one when we go back. You shouldn't feel stupid for honouring the memory of your little one, it doesnt matter how old they are, they are your special one and nobody has the right to tell you that it shouldnt matter.

There are lots of things you can do to remember your little one, its finding one that means something to you. I am naming a star, you could plant a tree, buy a piece of remembrance jewellery, get a tattoo, light a candle...

*hugs*



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Old Sep 1st, 2009, 05:09 AM   3
Kayleigh Lou
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When i miscarried my mum told me to name the baby as it could help the grieving process. So i gave the name hope. I wanted that tattooed on my belly with the date it passed. But then an insentitive person told me how could i have a tattoo when it was possible it could happen again. Nice huh!!

When i fell pregnant we chose a blanket pattern, and my mil knitted it up for me when i miscarried as my husband felt he couldnt carry it on. My sister in law told me it was sick that i have it hanging up in my bedroom.

I just feel nothing i can do is right



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Old Sep 1st, 2009, 08:29 AM   4
fuffyburra
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Who are these people to tell you what to do? You shouldn't ever have to listen to what they think, because this has nothing to do with them, this was your little baby and you should do whatever makes you feel better. I know I've had enough of people telling me what I should and shouldn't do
Ignore them hun, whatever makes you feel better is what you should do. Hang the blanket up, get the tattoo, release a balloon. Do all of them and hang everybody else. They've clearly never been through the same pain as you, and if they have they should know better.
I'm so sorry for your loss, I truly hope you can find a way to deal with this on such a difficult day. Maybe try talking to your OH, mine was also very upset at the time, but now he's gone very quiet on the subject. I think he just finds it difficult to deal with, and he's not very emotinal either. He'll be there for you if he knows how upset you are.
Best of luck and big hugs xx



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Old Sep 1st, 2009, 08:37 AM   5
Becci_Boo86
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When i lost our little girl we decided to call her Daisy. We went to a lake near us surrounded by trees we sat at the side of the lake and put daisy looking flowers in the water. the last flower we each had we kissed and put in together. thats her resting place and we can go there when ever we want to think about our little girl. We car going to go there on our wedding anniversary on the 13th and then again in january when i was due. It helped so much so know that there is a place u can go to to see ur baby and know they r there. Dont feel silly at all. To all of us that have lost a baby we all think its an amazing thing doing something on the due date and whatever day you feel is special to u. we are all here for you hun.

I have a sister inlaw who is the same has no feelings who so ever. I find people who have never had a baby or even gone through this dont understand a single thing at all!!



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Old Sep 1st, 2009, 08:37 AM   6
Kayleigh Lou
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I think Dh is just doing the man thing and waiting for me to bring it up. I know deep down he'd never forget what happened. In some ways i think it effected him more as hes terrified to have another baby.
If it hadnt been for my two little girls id still be an emotional wreck. I thank my lucky stars i have them.
I still have my blanket and booties hanging up and i will eventually get my tattoo done. For now i think i will have a quite day and later im going to buy a Rose Bush.

Thank you for your kinds words and i wish you the best of luck on your own journeys.

xxxxxx



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Old Sep 1st, 2009, 08:42 AM   7
fuffyburra
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Best of luck to you too, you're so brave xx



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Old Sep 1st, 2009, 08:43 AM   8
Kayleigh Lou
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It must be really nice to have a special place to go to. My area isnt exactly a place id like to remember my lil one.
Its just so sad that people have to go through this without the added strain of other insensitive comments.
Another thing that was said to me was 'if someone else got pregnant in the family i can see you would be a very jealous person'!
I have close friends who are pregnant and its lovely to see it. Families!!! Cant live with them and you cant live without them!



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Old Sep 1st, 2009, 11:53 AM   9
BabyBubbles
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firstly, big big hugs to all you ladies.

We had to have a medical miscarriage at 14wks as baby had a fatal ntd. Our due date is october 11th. The hospital forgot to get me to sign the release forms for the baby and was left in the morgue for 5 weeks. Because of that i demanded they let me do my own thing and we had bean cremated. I have a necklace with some of his ashes in which i never take off. The rest of his ashes are in a pot that me and oh made together and sit on a shelf in our bedroom. I also have a tattoo. Some people think its weird that i carry his ashes with me in my necklace but i feel like hes with me everywhere i go. Before the cremation i was going to have a piece of jewellery made with beans birthstone and due date birthstone as a remembrance piece.

We released a sky lantern one night in cornwall where he was conceived on holiday in july and it was beautiful. Not sure what we are going to do for our due date yet though.

My oh has been fantastic. Ive been upset for the last few days which is why im hanging around this forum and he has been such a rock. He hasnt been afraid to cry for bean and he shows his emotions which is a good thing.

I spose what im getting at is that ppl think im weird but it doesnt matter. Follow your heart. No one, not even your oh, will ever fully understand the pain as they didnt carry the baby, they never got to bond with it like we did.

You are so lucky to have your little ones, cherish them xxxxx

oooh get me i sound all old and worldly lol xxxx

Big love and hugs to everyone xxxx



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Old Sep 2nd, 2009, 05:08 AM   10
fuffyburra
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I think the necklace is a wonderful idea, really lovely to have him with you And the pot that you guys made together is really sweet too. Sorry for your loss, big hugs to you too xx



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