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Old Jun 24th, 2013, 10:11 AM   1
Mum (Mom)
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Northampton
Posts: 170

I'm really not okay.

I've decided to write this because I think it will help me, I haven't talked completely openly about it before and I feel like I'm constantly on the edge of some kind of emotional breakdown. It may be long and you probably won't want to read all the way through or reply and that's fine but I need to write this.
I miscarried at 7-8 weeks on the 29th of April. I'd begun bleeding 2 weeks previous and it had gone on/off until then, I'd had 2 scans, both times I was assured everything looked fine and that it was highly unlikely it was harmful to the baby. My 2nd scan was 3 hours before the mc really kicked in, my baby had doubled in size from the first scan and was now 7mm, the heartbeat looked fainter, but the doctor assured me it was because the heart had developed and was now beating like a bump rather than just a flicker. I was finally happy that everything was in fact okay. I figured after this amount of time of bleeding it would've happened by now and the baby wouldn't be developing. So I went to visit my grandparents and that's where it happened.... I was bleeding like a tap after waiting a hour for an amubulance I had to call someone to take me to the hospital... I passed out in A&E from blood loss. I arrived at about 1pm and didn't get scanned until 11pm. I waited and waited and waited and after 10 hours they told me it had gone.
I guess I kinda thought that I would be pregnant again with a few weeks. I honestly thought I didn't need to get on with life because it would come back. I'm now on cd27 of 28 on cycle #2 since everything happened I tested today to see a bfn. So I'm pretty much out already and it's starting to occur to me that I need to get on with life. I feel sick and have itchy boobs (the first thing I remember before I got my BFP last time was those damn itchy boobies!) but by now it would be showing positive right? I tested 1 day after my missed period before and got the biggest BFP.
Urgh, there's just so much pressure to carry on like nothing has happened but I can't. I feel like I need to pregnant again or I'm going to go crazy.
I just needed to rant.

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Old Jun 24th, 2013, 10:58 AM   2
Waiting To Try (WTT)
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: London
Posts: 33
I m so sorry and I can very well understand how this feels. Sometimes its best to scribble out somewhere and B&B is the best place as there are many of us in a similar situation and we are there for each other... I m desperate too for a big fat bump & when ever I see someone with 1 I just feel like crying but I then tell myself Keep Calm & Carry On. I m sure someday it will work for u just don't give up !

Lots of wishes & prayers,

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Old Jun 24th, 2013, 12:23 PM   3
Pregnant (Expecting)
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Canada
Posts: 775
I'm very sorry for your loss. I can relate to a lot of what you're saying. I had a MC at 14 weeks in December. After a couple of months I felt ready (emotionally and physically) to try again. I was desperate to get pregnant right away! I wanted to be pregnant before what would have been my due date and have a baby in my arms before 2013 was over.

Unfortuneately, I'm on my 6th cycle and still waiting for my BFP. It's hard and some days I felt like I was going crazy too, but I've come to accept that it takes time. Contrary to what I once believed, it's not that easy to get pregnant right away. But I'm not giving up hope and I know my time will come.

Looking back, not getting pregnant right away allowed me the time I needed to grieve for my baby and work through all the emotions and ups and downs that come with such a loss.

Go easy on yourself. Try to not put to much pressure on yourself to conceive in a certain timeframe or to carry on like nothing happened. Something significant did in fact happen to you. You lost a child and you have every right to grieve, cry, be angry, and feel like your going crazy sometimes! It's all part of the healing process.

Although it may seem unlikely right now, your heart does heal with time. Although you'll never forget the little one you lost, it does get easier to live with.

Best of luck to you in trying again. I hope you have a little one in your arms before too long!

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Old Jun 24th, 2013, 15:24 PM   4
Trying to conceive (TTC)
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Long Island
Posts: 9
I know exactly how you feel...that is all that is on my mind lately...pregnancy..I have had 3 losses I have one beautiful little girl and I am trying desperatly to have another...I see all the pregnant ladies and I envy them! I never thought id be here, because my pregnancy with my first was a breeze...but to be honest I have been reasured due to this experience that pregnancy is deff. something that can not be taken for granted! took me about 7 months prior to concieveing again after my loss the first time around...unfortunately i again lost the baby and then immediately after got pregnant and lost another due to trisomy 11...its most certainly a long road but I am sure you will get there just like I am sure I will too...its a miracle how babies are born in general...there is so much to pregnancy...just relax and let nature take its coarse!

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