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Old Jun 30th, 2013, 06:23 AM   1
Tezzy
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Angry. Just angry.


Just feel like if I don't write all this down I'm going to explode.

I had a MMC last year, we had already told everybody I was pregnant so of course we had to tell everybody it was over. I really struggled with people asking me how I was all the time so when we got pregnant again we decided not to tell anybody until we were certain it would work out.

Now I work for my inlaws in their business and the industry we work in is quite 'close knit' and it was especially hard last time returning to work and going to events because literally everybody knew.

So when I found out I was pregnant in May we didn't tell my inlaws, my MIL is a total gossip and she would have told everybody even if I asked her not to. But last week we found out that despite 2 scans showing healthy baby (6 weeks and 8 weeks) that we had lost our precious baby again (10weeks)

Due to needing a ERPC and time off work we had to tell the inlaws. I specifically told MIL 'DO NOT TELL ANYBODY' I just couldn't deal with everybody knowing I'd failed yet again...

Well... Imagine my shock when I got phone calls and texts from people within the industry and some of the office staff at work offering their condolences. Each one saying 'your MIL told us not to tell you she told us...'

I sent her a text... Ahem... It wasn't very nice... It contained a lot of swearing and a lot of 'who the fuck do you think you are?' Type sentences.

And I haven't spoken to her since.

But I know I'm gonna have to face her again when I go back to work... That's if I go back... My hubby has told me to resign if that's what I want to do.

I just can't believe she's been so insensitive... She's such a fucking gossip! At the moment I feel like if I saw her I would punch her right in the face.

Sorry for the rant it's just all going round in my head



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Old Jun 30th, 2013, 08:35 AM   2
yellowhaze
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Unfortunately one thing I have learnt through the process of ttc and miscarrying is that I don't have a trusting or supportive relationship with my MIL. It is so out of line for her to have told people when you specifically told her not to, even worse to hear she was telling them to pretend they didn't know/she didn't tell them - totally unnecessary and only thinking of herself - not you or your OH.

If you think it will help I would resign, or go back but keep your distance for your MIL if pos. Its really crap of her, but unfortunately I think its just going to be a lesson in who you can trust xxx



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Old Jul 1st, 2013, 11:12 AM   3
ItsAWonder
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I am so so sorry, and completely understand your anger. I have this problem with my mother and sister and have therefore not told them about either of my miscarriages. Actually, I cannot tell anyone in my own family. Contrary to your situation, the only family member I can trust is my MIL so she does know. My FIL is a surgeon so they get it. My mom and sister are the ones that should be by side and I learned a long time ago that this will never happen. They care too much about themselves to truly care about me. There is no excuse for this kind of behavior.

I have learned very quickly as well who my real friends are and who I want to surround myself with. Many friends are people I will probably just stop talking to. Not that they told anyone about this, but because they have hurt my trust in the past by revealing secrets so I knew I could not got to them with this.

People that can't be trusted are no longer worth my time. However, people that I never expected to trust or tell have come out of the woodwork. They have shared similar stories and allowed me to confide in them w/out having to state "don't tell anyone". Instead, they say for me that they will not and they don't constantly ask me how I am. They let me talk about it when I want and if I don't, they don't bring it up. I hope you find some of this as well.



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Old Jul 1st, 2013, 11:23 AM   4
Starry Night
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I'm so sorry for your losses. I would be angry as well. It seems your dh is willing to support you in whatever decision you make. Cling to those who are trustworthy and supportive. Situations like this really show who your real friends are.



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Old Jul 1st, 2013, 15:59 PM   5
LucyLake
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Oh my goodness I'm so sorry...for both your losses and for your MC. I totally understand if you never want to go back to that job...

I would take an MIL break for sure...at least a month...I just want to let you know that I've done something similar with my MC on Feb 13. Give yourself permission to do the same. I told my sister by email about my bad scan Feb 13 and she never replied (FB email because she never answers the phone kids sleeping 3 under age 7. She never replied, but DID manage to post a status update about a run my BIL had done. My mom pressured her and she sent a short I'm sorry a few days later. Then, I emailed back saying I'm terrified and all alone waiting to actually MC...no response. We have not spoken since and I hid her on FB.

I think you're entitled to do the same thing. Your husband sounds like a great guy. Do be careful though, I got married at 21 to a phd student in petroleum engineering from Turkey. His mother haaaaated me because I'm American. We divorced at age 23 because I stopped talking to her over similar crap---she told everyone that I wasn't a virgin before marriage and crap like that. Ex-hubby sides with her and was a mamas boy. I'm better off now and have a son with my second hubby who I married at 24, no kids with ex. When I say be careful, just don't let her twist it to make you look bad, get hubby to side with her. She may be secretly hoping for that somehow as we speak.
Huge hugs



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Old Jul 1st, 2013, 16:05 PM   6
LucyLake
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ItsAWonder View Post
I am so so sorry, and completely understand your anger. I have this problem with my mother and sister and have therefore not told them about either of my miscarriages. Actually, I cannot tell anyone in my own family. Contrary to your situation, the only family member I can trust is my MIL so she does know. My FIL is a surgeon so they get it. My mom and sister are the ones that should be by side and I learned a long time ago that this will never happen. They care too much about themselves to truly care about me. There is no excuse for this kind of behavior.

I have learned very quickly as well who my real friends are and who I want to surround myself with. Many friends are people I will probably just stop talking to. Not that they told anyone about this, but because they have hurt my trust in the past by revealing secrets so I knew I could not got to them with this.

People that can't be trusted are no longer worth my time. However, people that I never expected to trust or tell have come out of the woodwork. They have shared similar stories and allowed me to confide in them w/out having to state "don't tell anyone". Instead, they say for me that they will not and they don't constantly ask me how I am. They let me talk about it when I want and if I don't, they don't bring it up. I hope you find some of this as well.
Well said. The only silver lining about MC is that I've learned who's real and who's worth my time and effort. It's so nice not to have to keep trying with people you've always known weren't worth it, but were truly exposed in the MC for who they are.



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Old Jul 2nd, 2013, 02:35 AM   7
Tezzy
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Thanks guys, mil hasn't spoken to me since and I've seen her twice, both times completely blanked me and walked off.

I'm still off sick ATM and I'm still planning on resigning once my sick note runs out x



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Old Jul 2nd, 2013, 18:27 PM   8
Tasha
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Tezzy I am so sorry this has made the whole situation even harder than it was (if that is at all possible), to have to resign is just so sad.



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Old Jul 2nd, 2013, 19:53 PM   9
Abz1982
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So sorry that you have had to go through this. If you take away the fact she is your MIL, you work with her and she has passed on confidential information. If my boss did that they would have a case to answer for and be severely reprimanded. What she did is horrible and yes, you need to step away from her.



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Old Jul 3rd, 2013, 10:11 AM   10
Tezzy
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Thanks girls

Still no word from MIL, I haven't been into work and am planning on getting my sick note renewed by the dr tomorrow.

I just can't believe it... 10 years I've been with my hubby and despite our little ups and downs me and MIL have been really close for years. She will never apologise and I know she will be blaming everybody else but herself for what has happened.

I'm so saddened by it all... I really thought they would take care of me in my tough times but obviously not



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