Hi everyone. I am a new member, and on Friday, November 13th 2009, my husband and I lost our baby girl. This is my story. On 11/02/09 I went to my Dr.'s appt. They checked the baby's heartbeat and it was fine, before I left, I told the Dr. that I was having a gel-like discharge, and he said let me check you to make sure your cervix is not thinning. He checked and he said that it wasn't thinning, I had a yeast infection. So he prescribed some medication for me and that was that. The next day I had a exercise class for school, and i made sure that I was not hurting the baby or myself, some exercises I didn't do. Later in the week I noticed I was feeling pressure at the bottom of my stomach, maybe around the 5th of November. Then on the 9th of November I noticed I was having water squirts. If I would cough,sneeze or move a certain way I would feel the squirts. So on Tuesday November 10th I called the Dr's office, and I said I need to make an appt. The receptioist said I have a 10:30 Friday the 13th available. I said I'll take it. I told her then asked her about the water squirts. She said wait a minute let me put you on with the nurse, they may want you to come in sooner. I told the nurse the problem. She asked me was I sure it wasn't urine, I told her no that it was clear and it didn't have a smell. She asked me was it wetting my panties. I said no, I just wipe it out, it doesn't come out. She told me I should be fine, but if I feel like I need to go to the emergency room just go. Now I had a miscarriage before and I was only 1 month. This was my second pregnancy and I didn't know what to expect. The nurse didn't make it seem like I had to worry. November 12th, 2009- later in the evening I didn't feel to good, I was uncomfortable, but not in any pain. That night I tossed and turned til the morning. Friday the 13th, I woke up and felt very uncomfortable. It was around 7am. I laid in the bed and moved around until the pain would leave, and it would for a while, and it would start up again. So I got out of bed and I took a shower and the pain got worse. I got out and told my husband, I need to go to the emergency room. I started putting my clothes on, and I noticed the pain was even worse, that's when I realized that this must be contractions. I thought it was really bad gas at first. So I told my husband to hurry up, and I went outside by the car and I started throwing up clear fluid, and a second after my water broke. Tears started flowing down my face, because I knew that this was not good. (Those squirts I was having after researching on the internet was a whole in my amniotic sac.) So we got to the hospital and I delivered a baby girl. The Doctor on site who helped deliver my daughter said, "I'm sorry but she's not going to make it. I'm so sorry". Tears just streamed down my face. I didn't know the sex of the baby previously. She came out alive, breathing, and heart beating. My husband finally came in the room after parking the car, and I told him "she's not going to make it." The doctor told me her lungs were not developed enough and she still had the slits in her eyes. Tears rolled down his face. All we could do is hold our baby. We watched her heart beat, examined her features and we just cried, knowing that she was not going to be with us long. I delivered her around 8:55 am. My doctor's appointment was at 10:30 am the same day I had her. I didn't know what to expect being that far along, and I wish so bad that when I spoke to that nurse that she would have told me to go to the emergency room then, maybe I would still be pregnant so sh could develop more. She passed in my husbands arms. I kept my baby for most of the day. We took pictures of her and continued to hold her. Around 5:45pm I told my husband that he could tell the nurse that they could take the baby. He said his goodbyes. When he left the room to get the nurse, I kissed her and left my tears on her face. The nurse came and took the baby, and we just cried. I feel so empty inside, and I miss my baby so much. The nurse gave me the blanket she was in and she did hand and footprints for us. Everything went so fast, and the pain I feel is unexplainable. I have cried every single day since I lost her. Some people try to comfort you, and they don't realize that what they're saying is very offensive. Things like "Oh you'll have another baby," or "Girl you're fertile right now so try it again as soon as the doctor says you can." No matter how many babies I might be able to have, I'll neve have her in this lifetime. And a far as trying again I am fearful and I am still grieving. At the hospital they didn't do a birth certificate, because I was only 21 weeks. At the hospital I didn't name her. When I got home I said her name is Kennedy, because if I had a girl that would be her name. I sleep with the blanket she was in from the hospital, and I write letters to her everyday. Kennedy will forever be in my heart, always. Sorry so lenghthy.
Oh honey this story is so sad and I cried for you as I read it. It sounds like you and your OH are a lovely couple and no-one ever deserves this. There's nothing I can say to make it better for you right now, but I understand how you feel and how the tears keep flowing. When you're ready they will stop and you will always have that beautiful little girls in your heart
So very sorry for your loss and for what you went through. I lost my daughter shortly after birth following a straightforward pregnancy. I just also had an early MC. You will receive a lot of support on here but I think there are women who have been through a similar experience on the stillbirth/sids/neonatal loss thread. You must have felt so very helpless holding your baby. The line that doctors draw regarding when to save/not save a baby is very harsh to accept, especially when it is your own fully-formed baby. I really feel for you and wish I had something more to say. You just have to work through your feelings a day at a time. Sadly we can't fight time and have to bear with it. It will get better but it won't feel like it right now. I wish you and your OH peace in the days ahead. xxx
Any opinions, advice, statements or other information expressed or made available on BabyandBump.Momtastic.com by users or third parties, including but not limited to bloggers, are solely those of the respective user or other third party. They do not reflect the opinions of BabyandBump.Momtastic.com and they have not been reviewed by a physician, psychologist or parenting expert or any member of the BabyandBump.Momtastic.com staff for accuracy, balance or objectivity. Content and other information presented on BabyandBump.Momtastic.com are not a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice, counseling, diagnosis, or treatment. Never delay or disregard seeking professional medical or mental health advice from your physician or other qualified health provider because of something you have read on BabyandBump.Momtastic.com. BabyandBump.Momtastic.com does not endorse any opinion, advice, statement, product, service or treatment made available on the website. If you think you have a medical emergency, call your doctor or emergency services immediately.