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Old Sep 10th, 2016, 04:08 AM   1
justmeinlove
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Ectopic. Oh :(


So tuesday afternoon i thought i had a tummy bug. Wednesday afternoon i found out i was actually pregnant. Bt thursday lunchtime they'd discovered it was ectopic and apparently i then collapsed and so they did a laproscopy to resolve the issue.

We have only just reached a point of being able to consider ttc #2 and were going to try making a baby this weekend. Instead we found out we had one, that it basically would never grow or survive and then it was gone.

And I think right there also went our ever having another one, which makes it worse. Our daughter's arrival was scary and traumatic and without medical care would probably have killed me, and now this! With me being 39 on top - I can't see it happening.

So now, when my fairly upset about me being ill daughter pats my tummy, it's even worse because - if that had landed in the right place, it could have been her sibling! And now she doesn't get one :'(

And - just sad and looking for sympathy I guess



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Old Sep 10th, 2016, 05:21 AM   2
Dollybird
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Aw I'm so sorry. Ectopic is hard- especially knowing that if baby had landed in the right spot it would be ok. I've had an ectopic, then a traumatic birth too with my son in which I haemorrhaged. I never thought my hubby would agree to trying again as he was so traumatised but he did eventually. They monitor women pretty well in subsequent pregnancies if you've had an ectopic before so it's not as risky as you'd suspect. I'm so so sorry for your loss though. I know words don't really help much but big hugs anyways hope you getting good rest and lots of cuddles with your wee lamb xxx



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Old Sep 10th, 2016, 09:54 AM   3
justmeinlove
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Did you not feel a bit too scared to try again? I feel like with two bad experiences I should just take the hint before the next one Does kill me :-/

Also if you don't mind me asking, did you mark your ectopic occurance at all? I want to get a tatoo for my little girl (a snowflake) and am v tempted to get another v tiny one to mark Bug, as she would have been our baby other than for bad luck Not sure if I'd be overegging emotions I should be ignoring / letting go away though?



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Old Sep 10th, 2016, 10:10 AM   4
Dollybird
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I was scared but in honesty pregnancy terrifies me now. I had a mmc after my son too so I think I've been a bit unlucky. But pregnant again now (15 weeks) and although every day I'm living in fear of the worst, I'm hopeful that all will be well. And that's important.. It's import at to hang onto hope that something good will come. I never but I want to get a tattoo of a feather breaking off into little birds or butterfly's. I've saw a few nice tattoos that would be nice as a mark of remembrance. I have a wee memory box from my mmc too of our scan at 8 weeks (all was fine at that point) and a teddy we'd bought it. It's ok to remember those little lives that never got to be. Xxx



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Old Sep 11th, 2016, 09:17 AM   5
longing
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I just wanted to come and offer my support and sympathy. I am at home after having surgery on Friday to remove my ectopic and my tube. It is such a whirlwind when it happens. One minute I'm in for a scan the next it's surgery. Doesn't help that every nurse in the area seemed interested. Which is ok. But did make me feel a bit isolated as it obviously doesn't happen too often. Or that's how it felt. I want to mark our loss. Just not sure how yet. I might light a candle. You get everything at once, loss , grieving, the physical pain. And it all happens so quickly. Ours happened after an ivf cycle so I've already been messed around with drugs and surgery too, and for it all to end like this is just so hard to deal with.

It must have been so scary for you, with just collapsing like that. So much to deal with all at once. 39 isn't so old anymore. Take care of you. Rest and cuddles. Let people help you xxx



I'm sorry I'm probably rambling...



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Old Sep 12th, 2016, 05:31 AM   6
justmeinlove
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Rambling is fine and also appreciated. I'm sorry to hear you're dealing with the same thing :-/



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Old Sep 12th, 2016, 15:15 PM   7
claireanddaz
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I suffered an ectopic two years ago, same as you i didnt even realise i was pregnant until i was bleeding and the hospital told me i had miscarried and sent me away luckily i kept testing to find the tests were getting darker so i pushed for another scan hoping to see a baby as i would have been six weeks by then to be told it was ectopic and i had to stay in hospital and have surgery the next day! I actually found out my ectopic was in a very rare place only 2% are where mine was and it could have killed me had it not have been found, i'm so glad i pushed for another scan so it could be found.
I thought that was it and we would never have another baby i wanted to ttc straight away i felt i needed to be pregnant again asap, it took us another year to get pregnant but it did happen as i wasnt giving up i got a bit obsessed with it actually i couldnt focus on anything else except getting pregnant. i had an early scan at 8 weeks with Eden and it was just treated as a normal pregnancy from then on and everything was fine so it does happen you can go on to have a normal healthy pregnancy after ectopic even though at the time it feels like the end of the world. Its probably strange but i have my positive pregnancy test from my ectopic its my proof that i was pregnant and thats all i have now and the scars! I look at it from time to time i cant bear to throw it away i'm not over it yet fully i dont think you ever get over it really bit it does get easier! Sorry for your loss xx



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Old Sep 13th, 2016, 12:44 PM   8
justmeinlove
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Thanks. Am just - I think i'm ok and thrn i think about this little baby who tried to be and then couldn't and just...urgh then the sad teary thing happens :'(



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Old Sep 13th, 2016, 13:10 PM   9
BunnyN
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So sorry for your loss. An ectopic must be hard to deal with. I have never had an ectopic but I have had two losses. Last time I hemorrhaged and went into shock. I really wanted another baby ( we already have two LOs). But OH couldn't even bring himself to talk about TTC for a couple of months after because it made him think about how close he was to loosing me. I also felt the pressure of age because I am almost 37 We talked to our MW about it and to a doctor and had a scan to check all was good. Eventually we felt in place to TTC again. I got pregnant after 5 months and am due december. I do have some worries about the birth but so far things are going fine. No one can tell you the right choice for you but I would just say take your time to grieve and recover and don't make any decisions yet. At the moment you are scared and emotional so it's hard to think straight. Things will seem clearer in a month or two.

Hugs



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Old Sep 18th, 2016, 04:33 AM   10
A17
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I'm so sorry for your loss, coping with an ectopic is hard as you are hit with everything all at once! I had one earlier this year and had surgery to remove pregnancy and tube. I found my thoughts always drifting to "it would have been if it just got to right place." I think I was more upset by losing my tube though and the implications I thought that would have for future! But please don't lose hope - fast forward a couple of months and I'm 9 weeks pregnant. The care I've received since the start of this pregnancy has been second to none - I've had 3 scans from 5 weeks to ensure all was well and everything in the right place as it should be!! Good things do and will happen! Take it easy on yourself, let the tears flow and feel what your feeling! If you were really worried about TTC you could ask for a HSG to check tube health - there are options! Sending positive vibes to you!! Take care!



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