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Old Oct 4th, 2016, 13:21 PM   31
ReadynWaiting
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Puppies are the cutest but do require a lot of work! Like kids lol.
I have a hard time being around people that are pg or have new babies that can't appreciate all that comes with it. I have a friend that is pg and knows the struggles we have had and I feel like she rubs it in my face that they are having a baby. I've actually stopped talking to her and hanging around as its been too hard. She doesn't seem to concerned about it so whatever. I have other friends that are just so cautious and concerned about mentioning anything baby so as not to upset me. Those friends I ask about their pregnancies or babies.



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Old Oct 5th, 2016, 00:52 AM   32
Sophie2015
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Hi ladies. I've been lurking but would like to join in. First let me say how sorry I am for all your losses. There truly is no other pain, heartache, and frustration like RPL. I know it all too well. I've just completed my 5th recurrent loss as well. A little of my story....
Married right after I turned 41. Neither of us had kids. Got pregnant right away but discovered at my 8 week ultrasound the HB was 42 and baby measured more than a week behind. HB faded away but I never mc'd so had a D&C. Pregnant 2 months later but same story. Low HB and measuring more than a week behind at 8 week ultrasound. HB faded and I waited 7 weeks for a mc before finally taking Cytotec to induce. And then we couldn't get pregnant. My OB sent off thrombophilia labs and I have MTHFR and PAI-1 4g/4g. I saw 3 Drs and all said all I need was baby Asa and methyl folate to treat. I asked repeatedly about Lovenox and was told no. Nine months after the 2nd loss we saw an RE. All labs and tests on myself and DH were normal. RE was aware of my clotting studies and agreed I only needed baby Asa. So we moved forward. We did 2 rounds of clomid with IUI but my lining was too thin. We did 1 round of Femara with IUI and conceived. And it went well!! We were over the moon. And then I lost her. At 15 weeks. Genetics told us she was a girl and had Down Syndrome. A year later and many medicated cycles yielded no pregnancy. So we tried Follistim with IUI. And at 43 I shocked them all and over responded. Had 7-15 follicles! So they triggered me early and that resulted in a CP. Thirteen days later we conceived baby #5 with our 2nd Follistim IUI cycle. Great betas and P4 levels. HB at 6.2 weeks was 126. Twelve days later the HB was gone. Genetics told us he was a boy and had trisomy 15. I had a D&C as I've never mc'd on my own and I hemorrhaged. Lost over a pint of blood in 20 minutes. A week later I tried to hemorrhage again. And 4 days after that threw a clot and developed a pulmonary embolism and spent 4 days in the hospital. A hematologist was called in. And she said I NEVER should have been pregnant or ttc especially with estrogen increasing drugs without first being on Lovenox. She also said ivf could be fatal but that's our next step. We can't quit. But damn if I don't feel defeated.
I'm also struggling with other people. Pregnancies. New babies. It's awful. People telling me it's going to work out for me just makes me angry. We've lost 5 babies in under 3 years. It doesn't feel like anything will ever be okay. Sigh.
Anyway. Thank you for reading and letting me hijack your post. I understand what you are going through and my heart breaks for all of you.



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Old Oct 5th, 2016, 00:53 AM   33
Sophie2015
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Oh and I too am thinking about getting a puppy. Sadly we lost our feline furbaby between losing baby #4 and #5. 😕



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Old Oct 5th, 2016, 07:19 AM   34
ReadynWaiting
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Sophie-I'm so sorry for all of your heartache! How scary all that you have gone through. You will definitely make an amazing mama as you are already risking your life for your child's. I hemourraged with my 2nd d and c and it was the scariest thing ever.
It drives me nuts the more stories I hear where Drs 'know' they are right or give misinformation based on their opinions. Hopefully now you have the info you need to get what you so want.



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Old Oct 5th, 2016, 11:15 AM   35
Sophie2015
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Thank you ReadynWaiting. I hope so too. But I'm afraid this process has taken so long that I'm finally just too old.



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Old Oct 5th, 2016, 11:25 AM   36
ReadynWaiting
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Will you start Ivf soon? Until your eggs are dried up there is still hope. I'm sure you def feel the time crunch though. I really hope the next step gets you your rainbow!



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Old Oct 5th, 2016, 17:22 PM   37
LacePrincess
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Sophie - I'm so very sorry. I can feel the pain in your post, and I'm just so damned sorry for all you've gone through.


Ready - hehehe puppies are like, newborns and a potty training toddler all rolled into one, only they chew up your stuff too! (I lost my netbook charging cable today grrr!) But I love her so much, I think she's my heart dog, she's exactly what I needed - to have something really need me to love and take care of them.

I too have lost friends who just don't get it, and never will, and are ridiculously fertile. I have this one ex-friend who got EVERYTHING they wanted as soon as they wanted it. They got pregnant immediately, and even got the genders in the order they wanted. I just.....I couldn't even talk to her, it was like we were in two different universes with no common language. The vast amount of things people like that take for granted, I just can't deal with it. It makes me so angry they aren't on their knees thanking their higher being EVERY MINUTE for how blessed they are, I can't.

I can't bear to even look at pregnant ladies, it hurts too much to feel like my body has broken and failed me and can never do what it was supposed to do.

Oh well, I guess I'll just dress up my little shih-tzu puppy and resign myself to being the crazy little-dog lady, lol.



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Old Oct 5th, 2016, 18:15 PM   38
Sophie2015
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Ready- we will start ivf with pgd as soon as my cycle restarts. This is the longest I've ever waited after a loss so getting a little worried. Still hoping we can start ivf in November though.

Lace- I've lost all my friends. Including my BFF of 16 years. She was like my sister. But after my first loss she turned up pregnant without trying. She couldn't understand my grief or my difficulty with her pregnancy. She said I shut her out immediately after my D&C for that loss and only focused on myself. So she ended our friendship.

It's such a hard lonely road. And people who haven't lived it just don't understand.



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Old Oct 5th, 2016, 22:30 PM   39
ReadynWaiting
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Lace- you need to show us a pic of this sweet lil puppy!!
We actually have a baby shower for the 'friend' who has been rubbing it in my face. They have a child already so not sure why they are having another shower but I just can't go. Another couple that will be their just had a baby that I don't think they truly appreciate but felt they needed to compete with other family. I just don't trust I won't say something.
Sophie-I hate that a friend broke up with you because they don't understand loss and how it breaks our souls. I go to a support group and feel more connected to these women that I hardly know but I have seen the depths of their soul. We are sisters in loss and no one judges or treats you like an outcast.
I'm always here to chat if you need someone to talk to or vent to.



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Old Oct 6th, 2016, 02:28 AM   40
Sophie2015
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Ready- thank you so much. I have a niece (by marriage) who is pregnant. She is 21, unmarried, uneducated, unemployed, and super immature. Has no business having a baby. No father for the baby either. Her baby shower was recently. I couldn't go. I also didn't trust myself to keep my mouth shut. Plus I just can't be happy for her.
And I agree, let's see this puppy!!



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