The first time I became pregnant was September of 2015. I was about 10 weeks pregnant when I began to miscarry. While my body was passing every thing I experienced pain that was so unbearable. This pregnancy was never planned but we were both very excited to become parents, we had both made a lot of changes to our lives to better handle our situation.
December of 2016 I discovered that I was pregnant yet again. I am still with the same man and we got married just a month previous to my 2nd pregnancy. We again hadn't planned this, but this time we were even more excited than the first. We were sort of trying to have children at this point but we were both scared after miscarrying a year before. I felt amazing for the month or two that I was pregnant, no nausea at all, just happy, glowing, and gaining weight. I gained more this time around and felt way healthier, so I didn't really expect that miscarrying again would even be an option.
On Boxing Day I started bleeding heavily and that's the day I miscarried for a 2nd time. I still don't know the cause of either miscarriages, the doctor believes it was just meant to be this way and that there was nothing that could've changed my situation and that there's nothing I did to instigate all of this. I feel the opposite, I feel so broken and torn, I feel like I didn't keep my baby safe and I screwed up for a second time. I'm waiting to see a specialist just to check up on every thing and see if anything's wrong.
Physically my second miscarriage didn't hurt as much as the first, but emotionally I feel absolutely torn. I've had days where all I do is bawl and cry, and I've had days where I'm so broken I can't even show any emotions. I don't want this to bring me down, after my first miscarriage I ended up in a really dark place. I lost myself and gave up on myself and my husband completely. I don't want this to discourage us from having a family together, we both love the idea of a huge household with many children, but we've both become so scared of the idea of kids now.
I don't know how to cope with any of this, or what to think. Am I broken? Why can't I do the one thing a woman should be capable of doing. For anyone asking I'm only 21 years old and I've never had any health issues. I've always been really healthy so this has always come as a surprise to me. How do I get past this for a second time? How can I ensure that future pregnancies will be okay? And how can I help my husband cope? I don't want to bring him down with my sadness, but I know he's sad inside as well but is always strong for the both of us?
I just don't know how to go on in my life anymore, I feel like right when I got closure over losing my first baby, I was faced with the pain and heartbreak of losing my second.
Im really sorry for your loss I myself have not been through this but my sister in law did she unfortunately misscarried twice in one year and few months later with hope in heart she got pregnant and now has a healthy baby as much as it hurt and no matter how much doubt you have know that in your heart that you can have a baby try not to stress and please don't think low of yourself God has a plan for us all and when it is time you will be blessed.. when your ready to try for a baby keep positive and may God bless you with a H&H 9 months soon
I've been in the same situation several times in the last 9 years and it's lead to a very dark place for me too. But with the help of my support network and a good therapist, I've managed to pull myself out.
My advice to you is let yourself grieve but don't blame yourself. Sometimes, losses really are just 'bad luck' and maybe this is what happened for you. However, sometimes losses aren't so easy to dismiss and have a cause that needs addressing. In which case, you are doing the right thing in seeing a specialist who can recommend the proper testing and treatments based on the results.
Just wanted to drop in and send you hugs.. I'm so sorry for your losses. I don't really have any answers but would like to share with you that what I've gleaned, having spoken to dozens of women who have experienced multiple miscarriages, is that the vast majority DO go on to have their rainbow babies.. it's just a matter of time.
We started the year in the best way possible by finding out I was pregnant. But I am miscarrying again for the third time in a row. I understand your heartache.
For me (we're all different) sheer determination got me through after my second MC- knowing that if it happened again, as it has, that I would finally get my referral and at last some medical support (even if the investigations do come back inconclusive). Up until this point I have felt very alone, with very few people taking my losses seriously, but suddenly now I know I will be listened to. This is the case for the UK and the NHS anyway.
For me.. my second loss was the worst- the first I explained away as bad luck and consolled myself thinking that the next time everything would be okay, that I wouldn't possibly be one of the minority of women who go on to have consecutive losses. This time around, I knew I was already in the category and was almost expecting it.
Please whatever you do don't blame yourself. You will find a lot of support here and so many women who have experienced similar losses.. though everyone's story is of course slightly different. Take some time to process your loss and know that the odds are overwhelmingly in your favour of going on to have your rainbow baby.
I'm so sorry for your losses. I do understand, I'm going through the same thing and not even sure how I feel about my most recent miscarriage which was just 4 days ago. I don't have comforting news to share with you yet...but I'll tel you my story. I'm also young, 27, have been with my fiancee for 11 years and we decided to try to have children last year. Conceived very quickly the first time, the first month. Saw baby at 6 weeks 3 days with no heart beat and miscarried naturally just before 8 weeks. It took us a whole year to conceive again. Took a pregnancy test on Dec 31st and miscarried 4 days ago just before 9 weeks. Its just a waiting game now to the doctor and see if they'll do any tests or help me figure out if there is something I need to help me though a pregnancy or if they are coincidence like so many say. Thanks to you and everyone here, all I've been doing is reading posts. Please keep us up to date...if you feel like sharing. My aunt told me she had 3 early miscarriages before conceiving her first child, and then 2 more children with no more losses in between. And there are so many stories out there. Please hold on and know that it must be worth it; its keeping me up so far.
I'm really sorry for your losses. You will probably never be fully comfortable or confident with a pregnancy until you have a crying baby in your arms. But, you will move on, you will be happy, however, you will grieve. We all do it in our own way at our own pace, and that's ok. I know it's easier said than done because I'm in the same place right now, but think about today. Don't think about the future. One day you will have those babies, but for right now it's not meant to be. Miscarriages are your body's way of ridding an unhealthy pregnancy, especially early on. I know that sucks to hear, but it's easier to lose them now, than to have to bury them later. Hugs and prayers for you and your hubs.
Any opinions, advice, statements or other information expressed or made available on BabyandBump.Momtastic.com by users or third parties, including but not limited to bloggers, are solely those of the respective user or other third party. They do not reflect the opinions of BabyandBump.Momtastic.com and they have not been reviewed by a physician, psychologist or parenting expert or any member of the BabyandBump.Momtastic.com staff for accuracy, balance or objectivity. Content and other information presented on BabyandBump.Momtastic.com are not a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice, counseling, diagnosis, or treatment. Never delay or disregard seeking professional medical or mental health advice from your physician or other qualified health provider because of something you have read on BabyandBump.Momtastic.com. BabyandBump.Momtastic.com does not endorse any opinion, advice, statement, product, service or treatment made available on the website. If you think you have a medical emergency, call your doctor or emergency services immediately.