Wasnt trying. Was quite surprised to have an opsie given my history, but it happened. At first i saw the BFP and was in denial, then the nerves, then a few hours later i was happy about it, but nervous to tell DB. Then i did and much to my surprise, he was over the moon about it. He was genuinly happy. I have three of my own and he has three of his own (we are both divorced) but we have none together. So i was a little scared of how he would react but he truly was excited...for a day or so, until my tests didnt get very dark and now every time i go to the loo i have heavy bleeding to remind me of everything lost.
Its awful. Even tho this baby was far from planned, the idea grew on me. And tbh, my kids dad was never so excited like DB was. It was such a genuinely happy moment for us and a response ive never witnessed from a man before. Im sad. I loved seeing him that happy. And i was very happy once i accepted the idea....i feel so confused now.. and it doesnt help that i work for CPS/CYS and see all these parents on drugs having perfectly healthy full term babies. Ugh. tomorrow i will have to go back to work and pretend like im fine. Like i can handle things and put a smile on. It was early. I only had a for three days and day 3 i started bleeding badly. DB is sad. He said maybe that would happen again...but with my history TTC, id be shocked if it did. I had to do everything short of medical assitance to get and keep the children i do have. I never experienced a positive test without having hardwork, high emotional efforts, and lots of money behind it. This baby wasnt planned but the way it happened, it was nice to experience it the way most people do. No effort. No desire either way. Whatever happened, happened and we were perfectly content w that. But tbh, i never thought it would bc of how much i had to try for a bahy in the past. So even though DB said maybe it will happenn again, i will be surprised =/
I must sound so selfish...but...ugh.
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