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Old Mar 31st, 2017, 09:16 AM   1
fallensoldier
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miscarried at 10 weeks had previous termination thoughts, now convinced its my fault


Feeling extremely empty but just cant accept that its all real. I found out i was pregnant 2 weeks ago it was a shock as i have a 10 month old baby already. After a lot of thinking and discussion my partner and i agreed that a termination may be the best idea as we thought it was to early and would be a struggle. We went to the termination appointment but as soon as we seen the baby on the ultrasound we decided against abortion and left the clinic. We agreed not to inform anyone of the pregnancy until we reached 12 weeks as we did this with our first born and had a very smooth, normal pregnancy. 3 days after the appointment i began to bleed a bloody discharge i believed i was spotting but after 2 days it starting the bleeding getting heavier i was advised to go the hospital to make sure that everything was okay. I was examined and they believed everything was okay and booked me in for an early pregnancy scan 2 days later but advised me if the bleeding got worse and the pain intensified to go back. The following day the blood turned into very similar to a period and i began clotting, so off to the hospital i go again. there they sent me the GAU where i sat for 3 hours waiting to get an answer. the nurse done an internal examination and said it was very minimal bleeding and was definately not a miscarraige so to wait for my early scan the following morning. The following day on our way to the early scan i began bleeding heavier and was convinced that when they done the scan the worst news would be the outcome. We had the ultra sound the babys heartbeat was very visible and there was no sign of bleeding so we left very happy and just thought maybe i was having a period whilst pregnant (which is unbelievably common) i carried on that day like any normal day attending to my daughter. as the day progressed so did the clots and the pain. in agony whilst on the toilet that night i had the urge to push as i did i felt something pop as if a water balloon was between my legs. i looked into the toilet and there was no explosion of blood which i thought it may be but i knew something was wrong so i reached into the bottom of the toilet and as i did i felt something as i scooped it out it was very visibly the baby in hysterics i found a small box to put it into whilst i was on the toilet still gushing with blood, tears streaming down my face i haf the urge to push again as i did the sac followed. the amount of blood unbelievable. i rang the hospital where they informed to ring and ambulance or get to A&E urgently. i couldnt get up off the toilet the bleeding wouldnt stop i was crying in agony and 10 minutes later that urge came again and i then went on to deliever the placenta. I couldnt help but feel this was all my fault due to my earlier thoughts but now that it has happened i understand that it happened for a reason as unfortunate and traumatic the whole experience is something was obviously not right. Unfortunately im still convinced it was all not real even writing this i should be feeling devastated yet i just feel so numb like im not even here. im just so thankful that i got to keep my passed baby and will always have something to remember it by. just hope that within time everything feels better. Im so thankful i have my first born to keep me going.



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Old Apr 3rd, 2017, 14:07 PM   2
Swiftintent
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Prayers for you! Keep pushing forward



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