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Old Apr 10th, 2017, 06:15 AM   1
Trying to conceive (TTC)
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Waiting to miscarry and just not coping

Hi everyone,

I'm approx 8 weeks today, and had a trans vaginal ultrasound last week that showed an empty sac which I was not prepared for.I have had hcg tests which indicate that although the levels are rising they are not as high as they should be, and Im awaiting to miscarry.

After searching for answers and looking desperately for hope I realise that a lot of women go through these awful experiences, and I guess right now for me Im trying to find a way to be strong and get myself through this, and Im not doing too well so far.

Im waiting to be referred to the clinic to get a final u/s and be referred for a d&c as waiting to miscarry whilst my heart is broken, being flooded with pregnancy symptoms and hormones is really just crippling me to the stage where Im feeling so low Im thinking about suicide even though I know thats not the answer.

Im hoping to get closure once this is "over" but right now Im just wanting to know how others have managed to cope through this.

I just feel so empty, alone and sick to my stomach.I cry myself to sleep and just feel myself slipping away abit more each day.The emotional pain just cuts so deep I dont know how to keep going.

Everyone around me seems to fall pregnant and pop out children without any prob.Ive waited so long to get to this stage and being a mother is all Ive ever wanted and to go through this is just the most heart wrenching nightmare.

Any suggestions/ advice on what has helped others in this boat will be greatly appreciated.

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Old Apr 10th, 2017, 07:25 AM   2
Trying to conceive (TTC)
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I had a loss in 09. Havent been preg since, so i understand everyone else getting preg around you and having a loss. The babys HB stopped at 6w3d. I wasnt expecting it either.

Please seek help for your suicide thoughts.

It took me a long time to find healing. i had a natural m/c at home and it did help with some healing. I still have some sad times if something reminds me of that baby.

Youll get through this.

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Old Apr 10th, 2017, 22:34 PM   3
Mum (Mom)
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It's been 12 years (July of 2005-- almost 4 months pg) since I miscarried my first baby at 19 years old and I still think about that pregnancy. I no longer hurt as much as I used to because I truly believe I will meet that baby one day in heaven and that has made it bearable for me. After my miscarriage I suffered 5 years of infertility. Then, in November of 2011 i delivered a healthy baby boy, he helped me heal even more. Here I am 5 years after that, struggling once more with infertility and I'm expecting baby number 2 in November of 2017. I am experiencing some minor spotting which is nerve wrecking but all I can do is pray and have faith.

Please don't give up, and if you believe in God, ask him to help you cope and heal. It's going to be a long and difficult time for you, but just know that you are NOT alone. Surround yourself with people who can be there for you and love on you, try not to shut them out as I did. It only made coping worse. Sending lots of hugs your way

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Old Apr 11th, 2017, 01:14 AM   4
Mum (Mom)
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I'm sorry you're going through this. There is no way to make it easy on you but talk to someone please, suicidal thoughts are serious. I think the waiting is really hard -I had an ectopic last year and was treated medically in October but my HCG wasn't at 0 until December. It was brutal. I spoke to a counsellor afterwards and wished I'd done that sooner.

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Old Apr 11th, 2017, 04:16 AM   5
Mum (Mom)
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Just wanted to send you hugs. It is really hard. I think I actually found the unknown and uncertainty of the waiting to be the most difficult bit so far. Like you, I had a scan at 8 weeks, but baby was only measuring 5 weeks with no heartbeat. My preference was to wait for a natural miscarriage as I didn't really want any sort of medical intervention, just happy for it to happen on its own when it was time. Unfortunately, here I am, still waiting 3 weeks later. I should be 11 weeks. I'm going in tomorrow for a d&c as I need to be back to work after Easter and just want to have a few days to rest after and try to enjoy Easter as a family before that. The not really knowing what to expect and how I would feel day to day and the uncertainty of what my body was doing was really hard. Be gentle on yourself, take some time off work if you're working, and just take it day by day. I feel much better now that I did 3 weeks ago and a little but like I have more closure now that I know what's going on and what will happen and when. For me, I also found planning a few things in the next month or so to look forward to has really helped to lift my spirits. It can't fix how much it hurts, but it can be a welcome distraction. I'm looking forward to those things now and also to trying again once I get through all of this and that's helping. Do find someone to talk to though if you are having thoughts of harming yourself. It's a difficult thing to go through under the best of circumstances, but made even more difficult because your body and your hormones are also all over the place. I found it was a relief to say my concerns out loud (in my case, to a midwife I was seeing) and it helped me to get my head around it all.

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Old Apr 13th, 2017, 18:09 PM   6
Trying to conceive (TTC)
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Suicidal thoughts are very serious. Please mention these to your doctor. For me, I find that after a few days of crying, I need a plan for my next move. Perhaps that's getting a new app to track your cycle and try again. Or, perhaps it's finding an OB who will run some basic tests to make sure everything looks ok (thyroid issues, etc) that can interfere with a healthy pregnancy.
Take it slow, allow yourself to grieve. Being sad is ok. Being suicidal is not. That won't help you become the mother that you desperately want to be.
I wish you lots of well wishes and hope only the best for you.

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