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Old Apr 24th, 2018, 23:23 PM   1
Sarah2929
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Hi everyone,

Sadly I have just miscarried at 11 weeks and wanted to see what people thought about the below..my husband and I didn't announce the pregnancy to anyone else so I don't need to let many people know about my MC.

However I absolutely love group exercise at the gym,and when I was 5 weeks pregnant I told my favourite instructor to see what she thought and if there were any moves I should avoid etc (also in the small chance that something happened during class and she had to call an ambulance or something!). It was the first time I'd met her properly and she seemed really supportive in our first conversation and gave good advice.. Although in classes after that, she seemed to ignore me or avoid saying hi when she previously always said hi before I became pregnant (I totally could have been me overreacting)..but personally I felt a little hurt, especially because she was the only other person who knew about my pregnancy about from my husband (I did also mention to her that I wasnt telling others yet until after the first trimester as I didn't want her to ask me about it in front of friends there).

I'm not sure why she was avoiding me - she seemed so supportive and encouraged me to continue and just listen to my body...however maybe after thinking about it she would really prefer me to stop going to classes after all and that's why she distanced herself..I have no idea. Anyway now I have taken a few weeks off exercise and really want to return to her class...considering for the last 6 weeks after I told her, she never asked me how I was, or even spoke to me, I feel so awkward going up to her and explaining I had a miscarriage..but then again I think its even weirder for me to not to address it and she realises a few months later that I still don't have a belly..

Does anyone have any advice? I don't want to bother her if she isn't interested or doesn't care to associate with me.. And its going to really upset me if she just ignores me after finding out this (as I have read often happens after miscarriage as people dont know what to say) or am I completely overreacting with my crazy hormones and being oversensitive/overthinking it and should just let it run it's course - if the opportunity arises I can bring it up with her? Any advice would be great.. I love this instructor's classes so much and don't want to stop going to them...thank you!



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Old Apr 25th, 2018, 17:49 PM   2
VALiz
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I guess, if it were me, I’d just walk right up to her after class and tell her regardless of worrying about her reaction or not. I think it would be kind of odd if she noticed you never got bigger or had the baby after you telling her your pregnant. Maybe you are overthinking it but I’m shy and usually don’t chat with my group fitness instructors at all. Just make a beeline for the door when they’re over.
I had a MMC last fall at 9 weeks and had to untell people.
I’m so sorry for your loss!



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Old Apr 25th, 2018, 21:22 PM   3
LadyLovenox
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Sorry for your loss. Is the instructor young enough to be trying to conceive,as well? I went through 3 years of infertility and I cut people out of my life if they got pregnant. It was too hard to see every day. I know it wasnt the right thing to do, but i had to put my own mental health first. Anyway.... Maybe she has had a silent battle as well and that's why she became aloof with you? Just a thought. Either way, I'd tell her. I think it will be more awkward for you if not, like the elephant in the room.



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Old Apr 25th, 2018, 21:51 PM   4
Sarah2929
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Thank you so much both for your replies, I really appreciate it. The instructor is actually in her 50s and has adult children, but definitely could be acting like this due to her own issues and I wish I didn't take it so personally! I agree that its probably best to tell her and would be weird on my part to not mention anything, especially if I want to continue going to class - its probably just best to tell her and whatever reaction she has, so be it but after a while I would have moved on. I might try to have a quiet word with her after class...as I would have been still quite early in the pregnancy it isn't uncommon for women not to show yet so I probably have a few weeks to do it. The hardest part has been her reaction, after a few months of saying hi, I would have thought she would have been more friendly after I confided in her..and I would have thought as a fitness professional it wouldn't have hurt to check in every couple of weeks! But each to their own and, maybe a personal issue or maybe I have unintentionally offended her in some way.. Anyway thanks for taking the time to help =]



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Old Apr 26th, 2018, 05:36 AM   5
Rhiannon137
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Hi,
I'm so sorry for your loss. The previous posters have given good advice. I just wanted to add that she may have been keeping her distance so as not to "out" your secret to other members of the class. I also have a tendency to take things too personally, but as I've gotten older, I've realized that my perceived slights almost always have more to do with the other person.

I wish you the best as you move forward.



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Old Apr 26th, 2018, 13:19 PM   6
Sarah2929
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Thanks Rhiannon, I definitely have a tendency to over think and take things very personally..your comment has made me feel a lot better and whatever happens, I just need to remind myself it's not me =] I am quite young, this is my first m/c and definitely the most traumatic thing to ever happen in my life..as I didn't tell anyone about the pregnancy from my husband and this one lady, I feel like I'm really consumed by her one reaction..it drives me crazy that I care so much haha! but hoping in the future I can let it go...I have learnt from this experience and my heart really goes out to those women who need to 'untell' friends, colleagues etc...it makes me want to cry just thinking about it! Thanks for your support


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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rhiannon137 View Post
Hi,
I'm so sorry for your loss. The previous posters have given good advice. I just wanted to add that she may have been keeping her distance so as not to "out" your secret to other members of the class. I also have a tendency to take things too personally, but as I've gotten older, I've realized that my perceived slights almost always have more to do with the other person.

I wish you the best as you move forward.



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Old Apr 26th, 2018, 13:34 PM   7
Rhiannon137
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I'll throw out one more suggestion as an old lady, then. Just bc you hadn't told anyone, it doesn't make your pregnancy or the baby any less real or important to you. It is okay, and may even be helpful to tell friends now about what happened. I ended up doing this with my first miscarriage. I hadn't told anyone about the pregnancy, but then it felt like I was hiding this big traumatic secret from people who cared about me. I told a few close friends. The responses were universally caring and supportive. It made the loss seem more real, and actually helped me heal from it rather than just "move on". I'm about 4 weeks into a new pregnancy now, and have already told those same close friends because I know I would end up telling them even if things end badly.

It doesn't help anyone to have this weird stigma adding to the pain of something that is really very common.



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