Its been nearly 6 weeks now since my ERPC after mmc at 10 1/2 weeks but i still cant get over it becuase my body wont let me !!

I read so many posts on here of people who have had to go through this terrible experience too - but everyone seems to be physically ok after ERPC and within a few weeks. Im now on my 3rd infection, have been off work for over 2 weeks and today have been signed off until November as Drs are concerned! I must have had the shortest appointment in the world today - i walked in the door and the dr just looked at me and said 'o u look awful, u r not ready to go back to work in the slightest!' that was before i even sat down!! I just burst into tears - I thought I was doing ok, yes I have an infection with not nice effects, am exhausted and dont feel 100% but I miss being at work so badly, I thought my brave face would fool the world and I could gain some normality back to my life.

I teach reception/year 1 and Im so worried theyr going to forget im theyr teacher! I know it probably sounds silly but they are so young and thats a long time to be away from them - most of the term. Theyve had a regular supply ever since but Im so worried they will miss her when Im back and will want her not me - silly to be worried and feel insignificant with 4-5year olds!! Im also worried my work will start to regret having me as staff - I know I have notes from the Drs to say im not healthy enough to be there but I feel im taking the piss as its been so long now. They are supportive but the longer it goes on the more I begin to think I hear a slight 'u should be over it by now' in their tone.

I just want to be well, if loosing my baby wasnt bad enough why does it have to drag on and on and effect the rest of my life??! Im wandering what I did to be punished in this way! And what happens when I get over this infection?? Do I wait another few days clear and then get struck down by another one!?? How can they keep coming? There were no retained tissues or urine or blood infections, so how can I keep getting infections inide?!? Im just so fed up of all of this now

Oh hun, you're really having a time of it. Have you been back to the hospital for investigations? They surely cannot just keep giving you antibiotics without getting to the cause of the infections. Like you said there are no retained tissue, urine or blood infections - so what did the doc say it is? I don't blame you for being fed up - it just seems to be going on forever doesn't it?

Try not to worry about work - you really need to be better to go back and be productive. I'm sure nobody who knows what you're going through thinks bad of you for being off. Maybe you might be better in a week or so and can be signed back onto work?

I'm no further forward either - went back to docs yesterday and am going for a scan to find out what's causing the pains I'm getting. Finished one course of anti-b's and got a couple of days left of the other. the only good thing is is that my urine is now clear of blood and i'm not dashing to the toilet every 2 minutes. I had my return to work with my manager yesterday as well and burst into tears...again! I have been referred to Occ Health and potentially for counselling - I still haven't cried properly as I don't feel like I've come to terms with it all. I think that until the physical symptoms have gone I won't be able to come to terms with the emotional side of it all.

I truly hope things improve for you very soon xx

Thanks Monkeybear! Sorry ur not better - but good u r getting the investigations light at the end of the tunnel hopefully!!x

I havent had any further investigations since the scan - my regular GP is on holiday until monday so Ive been seeing my registered GP who Im not keen on. Im sure hes nice but he refers to mc/mmc as abortions and my appointment today lasted about 5 seconds! He wants me to go back if the infection doesnt clear up and just keep taking these anti-bs. He said I need all the time becuase even when I feel well becuase its the 3rd set of anti-bs I will need time after I feel better to ensure Im completly clear of infection and build up my strength and energy before going back to work.

My boss rang me earlier and said I can go in in that time if I have an 'ok' day but not allowed to teach as becuase of the Drs note I wont be covered by insurance to have my class!! So hoping to go in to get some of the paperwork done I needed done by last week which Im already behind on! Just need to remember not to over do it!

Good luck with ur occ health and maybe counselling - I told one of my friends on Tuesday and she has been a great help. My other friends that know were intially 'sorry' but now just ignore and avoid me. Shes been great - looking up info to try and help me, found me some local counselling surgeries etc. I feel better having talked to her and often wonder about counselling. I feel I cant get over this whilst my body is struggling and it puts off my mind dealing with it. Im finding it hard to even leave the house now as I feel everyone is looking at me and I just want to cry - I dont know why Im feeling anxious now, I guess its from being in the house for a few week and not having many visitors, I just find it hard to go out now. Ive started a baby box though so when my scan picture comes Im going to put that in, with her name and I bought her baby grow. Hoping that will help make it seem real.

Lets hope we can heal soon xxx

Yes, there's definitely light at the end of the tunnel...it's just a very long tunnel!!

I'm glad you've been able to tell your friend - it feels like a weight of your shoulders I bet. I really think that counselling would help - are they able to offer it through work or can you get it at the EPAC, I know there was a counsellor at mine. Just take things one step at a time and try to go for a little walk every day, the longer you leave it the harder it will be.

Have you made an appointment to see your regular GP next week? The other one sounds like a right k@*b!!

It's good that you boss said you can go back in - it'll keep you in the swing of things and at least you know that if you're not up to it or have to leave early then you're not letting anyone down.

The baby box sounds like a lovely idea and something to focus on. I didn't get a scan pic as the sac was empty when I had my first scan at 12 weeks, which I think is maybe why I haven't really grieved as at first I thought that there was never a baby but now I know there was.

We will get there xx

Ahh bless you. I can totally sympathise as I'm still not 100% and I first started to bleed on Aug 22nd!!!

As for work - truest me the children will not forget about you. You obviously love your job and I'm sure they love you too due to the commitment and passion you seem to have about teaching. When I went back to school after almost 3 weeks off sick, my head teacher had a chat and made sure I was fit enough to be at work - she said you come first and the job comes second. So you must remember that. In the meantime you could create some resources that you'll use when you go back. I teach KS4 and A level and when I was off I planned some of my A level lessons....still using them now which has helped with the work load.

Also, I went back before the date on my sicknote as felt fit enough. SO if you do feel well before November you can go back - looked it up and the school asked the HR dept for me.

xx

Monkeybear: my work dont have any counselling service, its a small village school...my EPU counselling service they stopped last yr due to budget cuts!! My regular GP did mention it quickly last time so when I next see her I might ask her about it if I have the courage - I know I shouldnt put on a brave front infront of the Dr but its a habit I cant get out of. I havent got an appointment to see her yet. Shes back monday so I thought Ill just ring one day when I feel I want to see her. Maybe midweek when my antibs finish to see how Im getting on. You will have to keep me updated on ur situation with the scans etc, I do hope u get some answers xx

TJ: sorry yours is still continuing too have u had any answers yet? Ive been trying to do some planning for when I go back, but having to plan for the supply fulltime at the mo which takes most of my energy. Going to try and pop in one afternoon next week and have a quick chat with her - shes been covering me for 2 weeks now so Id love some feedback on how they r coping wth the work as its so hard to plan when u dont know how they got on! Ive got a real low ability class and wonder if what i set is still too much...or if im underestimating them....we will see I guess!! Thanks for your story xx