How do u get men to understand??!

misscs · Oct 9th, 2010, 07:32 AM

Why is it that women are mums from moment of conception but men need the baby to be born to become fathers??!

I can't make my partner understand how Im feeling. The Dr said I need to talk to him about how I feel to help me get over everything but he just doesnt seem to get it. Hes supportive of me but doesnt seem bothered by my mmc. Its been nearly 6 weeks now, my scan picture finally arrived this morning and I couldnt bring myself to open it today, so he opened it and was like 'its ok it only looks like a blob' - but its not a blob!

That was our baby!! I can see the baby fine, its not the best angle in the world as baby is slumped at the bottom but u can make out head, arms, body, legs etc. How can it just be a blob to him!? I cried him even saying it and waited til he left to look at it myself. I just don't see how I can get him to understand...

Jacksmommy · Oct 9th, 2010, 07:58 AM

I don't think men understand b/c they don't carry the baby. After I lost my baby my husband didn't want to try again. He saw how upset and depressed I was and it scared him. It took about 9 months for me to get him to try again and I got pregnant first try with our son. I think men just view it differently. For me I felt like a failure b/c it was my fault the baby got stuck in my tube. My egg didn't go where it should have gone and I was really hard over myself. I grieved so bad for that baby for a very long time and still now wonder why? But God blessed with with a beautiful little boy and now I know why. Keep thinking positive! Don't give up! You will be blessed. Praying for you!

monkeybear79 · Oct 9th, 2010, 10:59 AM

I really don't know what goes on in their heads. I cannot believe his response to the pic when he knew that you were apprehensive about seeing it anyway - it would have been easier for him to say nothing than say what he said.

During my meeting with my boss yesterday she asked how my OH was getting on. In the middle of floods of tears I managed to say that he doesn't even talk about what's happened - which I think is why I find this forum really useful. He hasn't even cried...or if he has he hasn't done it in front of me. I know he has been through this before with his ex so I don't know if it's easier for him the second time around, or if he feels like he has to be strong for me.

If I were you I would wait until you're feeling strong enough to speak to him about it and ask how he feels - he could just be bottling it all up. xx

misscs · Oct 9th, 2010, 12:08 PM

He hasnt talked about it at all - he asks how i feel and says he gets its not very nice for me as I was carrying the baby but when I ask him how he feels he doesnt really give me an answer and doesnt seem bothered. I think deep down hes a bit relieved I hada mmc and I know he doesnt want children for a while. Hes 25 but still lives at home and doesnt pay any bills - unlike me with a mortgage etc! I dont think hes ready to quite 'grow up' yet and I mean that in the nicest way. I just want some acknowledgment of what happened, I want him to care so I dont feel so alone in my grieving...its making me feel bad about appearing upset infront of him....

monkeybear79 · Oct 9th, 2010, 12:16 PM

Whatever you do don't feel bad about getting upset in front of him - it sounds to me like he is afraid of getting upset in front of you. He will be hurting deep down.

Maybe get yourselves away for a weekend, away from it all so you can talk xx

Oct 9th, 2010, 07:32 AM	#1
misscs Other Active BnB Member Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: North Somerset, UK Posts: 191	How do u get men to understand??! Why is it that women are mums from moment of conception but men need the baby to be born to become fathers??! I can't make my partner understand how Im feeling. The Dr said I need to talk to him about how I feel to help me get over everything but he just doesnt seem to get it. Hes supportive of me but doesnt seem bothered by my mmc. Its been nearly 6 weeks now, my scan picture finally arrived this morning and I couldnt bring myself to open it today, so he opened it and was like 'its ok it only looks like a blob' - but its not a blob! That was our baby!! I can see the baby fine, its not the best angle in the world as baby is slumped at the bottom but u can make out head, arms, body, legs etc. How can it just be a blob to him!? I cried him even saying it and waited til he left to look at it myself. I just don't see how I can get him to understand...

Status: Offline

Oct 9th, 2010, 07:58 AM	#2
Jacksmommy Mum (Mom) New BnB Member Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: Tennessee Posts: 5	I don't think men understand b/c they don't carry the baby. After I lost my baby my husband didn't want to try again. He saw how upset and depressed I was and it scared him. It took about 9 months for me to get him to try again and I got pregnant first try with our son. I think men just view it differently. For me I felt like a failure b/c it was my fault the baby got stuck in my tube. My egg didn't go where it should have gone and I was really hard over myself. I grieved so bad for that baby for a very long time and still now wonder why? But God blessed with with a beautiful little boy and now I know why. Keep thinking positive! Don't give up! You will be blessed. Praying for you!

Status: Offline

Oct 9th, 2010, 10:59 AM	#3
monkeybear79 Waiting To Try (WTT) Active BnB Member Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: North East UK Posts: 95	I really don't know what goes on in their heads. I cannot believe his response to the pic when he knew that you were apprehensive about seeing it anyway - it would have been easier for him to say nothing than say what he said. During my meeting with my boss yesterday she asked how my OH was getting on. In the middle of floods of tears I managed to say that he doesn't even talk about what's happened - which I think is why I find this forum really useful. He hasn't even cried...or if he has he hasn't done it in front of me. I know he has been through this before with his ex so I don't know if it's easier for him the second time around, or if he feels like he has to be strong for me. If I were you I would wait until you're feeling strong enough to speak to him about it and ask how he feels - he could just be bottling it all up. xx

Status: Offline

Oct 9th, 2010, 12:08 PM	#4
misscs Other Active BnB Member Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: North Somerset, UK Posts: 191	He hasnt talked about it at all - he asks how i feel and says he gets its not very nice for me as I was carrying the baby but when I ask him how he feels he doesnt really give me an answer and doesnt seem bothered. I think deep down hes a bit relieved I hada mmc and I know he doesnt want children for a while. Hes 25 but still lives at home and doesnt pay any bills - unlike me with a mortgage etc! I dont think hes ready to quite 'grow up' yet and I mean that in the nicest way. I just want some acknowledgment of what happened, I want him to care so I dont feel so alone in my grieving...its making me feel bad about appearing upset infront of him....

Status: Offline

Oct 9th, 2010, 12:16 PM	#5
monkeybear79 Waiting To Try (WTT) Active BnB Member Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: North East UK Posts: 95	Whatever you do don't feel bad about getting upset in front of him - it sounds to me like he is afraid of getting upset in front of you. He will be hurting deep down. Maybe get yourselves away for a weekend, away from it all so you can talk xx

Status: Offline

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