If you were still with me, you would be at 28 weeks gestation! Isn't that crazy? To think about how there's the possibility that you'd survive outside the womb at this point is so astonishing. I'm writing this letter because I feel like even though I wrapped up loose ends, that I made it seem like I want to forget you. I know that mommy probably sounds like a crazy lady, writing a letter to you and posting it on a public forum but I wanted to show you how much I love you, and exactly how close to my heart you still are.
Yesterday was pregnancy and infant loss awareness, so I lit a candle in honor for you and all of the other lost angels. I cleaned off the table and lit my favorite Macintosh Apple scent, and now everytime I smell it I will think of you. I told you something beautiful as I lit it, trying to hold back tears and in the end I did cry. There's not a single day that I don't think about you and stop to look up to the sky and say that I love you. But this is the first time I've cried for you in a while.
Things have been proving difficult for mommy, and my life is getting difficult. I just stop to think about you and I feel healed- I know that your watching over me just as I would have watched over you. I know that I only spent a few days in a deep depression, and for some reason that kills me I couldn't be like that longer for I had lost the most wonderful thing in the world. But I know that your dad and you would have wanted me to be strong.
I listen to this song a lot, and it always reminds me of you. I put this on my profile when I found out about your existence, and I shall never remove it. My point of this letter is to tell you I love you, and I hope that you know your always in my heart, and no matter what happens you will always be my true love.
I wish I could kiss you goodnight, rub my belly, put ultrasound pictures into a scrapbook, and all of those things. But until another life I'll have to cherish you from afar. So I hope your having a fun time basking in the beautiful glory wherever you are, because I know god wouldn't send such a beautiful being somewhere ugly.
That was beautiful. I cried too.
I really hope all the children of the women on the 'Loss' forums are in heaven and playing together, cooing happily and sending so much love to their mommies and daddies on earth.
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