To understand all of this I will give back story...

I am a 21 year old college student that is behind in school. I have at least two years left of school before I get my Bachelor's degree. So I am not in the best situation to be a parent...

Yet in March I found out I was pregnant. I was scared, but I still loved my baby so much. In April the father left me. It isn't really his fault. We were fighting a lot and getting pregnant was just a huge stress since I wanted to raise the baby and he (and his family) wanted to put her up for adoption.

I lost her in May. I was aware of my little angel for only two short months.

And I feel guilty as hell.

You see, I know I couldn't prevent her death. I did everything right, it just happened. But, sometimes I wonder if she was aware how much me and her daddy fought. Because in her death he and I actually could see each other without fighting. And we worked out our issues...and we actually got back together and are much happier now.

So guilt number 1: I feel as if she gave her life to reunite us, because maybe she somehow knew we were hurting without each other.

And as I said, I am a college student. And me and my boyfriend are not ready for kids...so I did the responsible thing and got on birth control that requires no effort. It's implanted in my arm and I shouldn't have a child for 3 years.

Guilt number 2:I feel like trying to prevent pregnancy is like acting relieved that she wasn't actually born.

Here's the clincher...after the shock I did feel a little relieved that I lost her. Not happy, but kind of relieved that I wouldn't have to fight with the dad over her anymore, that I wouldn't be bringing a child into my life where I'd have little money and couldn't afford much.

Guilt number 3.


I can't even talk about this to anybody because they think I am stupid.

You are not stupid for feeling this way, it is very normal.

I feel similar guilt as you do. I'm also a college student, I wasn't with the father, and I felt relieved a little too. I don't have the job/money to care for a baby alone... the stress it would've caused my family, the stress it would've caused me to tell the guy he was the baby's father and hope for some kind of support (emotional and financial). these things were huge weights on my shoulder, my life as I knew it would have been changed FOREVER. Now... it's like none of it ever happened... and I sometimes feel guilty, because I feel like she gave her life so that I could continue living mine the way I had been before I made some stupid mistakes.

But that doesn't mean I don't love her.

And we can't let that guilt take over us. Because guilt is only good if it leads us to a conclusion which can help us change for the better. Feeling guilt for what was out of our hands and letting it tear away at us does us no good. Your baby, I believe, would want you and your boyfriend to be happy. Regardless of whatever the situation had been - whether you stayed apart, or reunited as you have - don't feel guilty for feeling happy. If you are happy and healthy, that's something to be thankful for. Your baby knows how much you miss her and love her no matter what.

And as for preventing a future pregnancy - it's okay to know that now is not the right time for you. Had she been born you would've loved her completely as you do now and you would have cared for her greatly. But she was already with you - preventing what has not yet been conceived is completely separate. You can mourn for the loss you suffered while still taking a different path. When you're ready to go back down the path of adding to your family you will know, until then it's okay to wait

I'm glad you have found support here, and I'm so sorry for your loss

Thank you aviolet.

I am sorry about the loss of your angel as well. I guess I was reading on here about how all the women were trying and lost their child. They all seemed ready and I haven't yet met a person who said they were not trying, lost their little surprise, and were not attempting to conceive a rainbow baby at this moment.

Thank you for helping me feel less alone.

You are welcome I'm always here to chat if you need more support

Thank you Kanga.

I had a miscarriage with my first pregnancy when I was 29 (I am now 61 with 3 healthy adult children, a beautiful grandson and one on the way). I don't believe that stress can cause a miscarriage, otherwise, people would no longer reproduce as everyone has stress of one kind or another in their lives. So please let go of your guilty feelings. Many woman have a miscarriage the first time around, including my daughter when she was 26. She is the mother of my grandson and grandson-to-be. There was some stress in her life at the time as her husband was in the military, but I don't believe that had anything to do with the miscarriage. I really had no stress in my life when I had my miscarriage at the same age, but I think I did afterwards as a result of the miscarriage and having trouble getting pregnant again. I finally did after 2 years and surgery. I remember having a late period in college which may have been an early miscarriage. But my now husband and I were not fighting. Sad to say miscarriages happen, for a variety of reasons, but usually because of genetic abnormalities. Please try to move on and continue to revitalize your relationship with your boyfriend. I wish you well.

hun dont feel alone, many woman feel same your just the brave one for sayin feeling publicly, jusy because not tryin now doesnt mean not been a good mum, im same really wanted baby but mc but now althou very low sometimes the thought maybe it was for best entres head, so dont feel bad xxx