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Old Nov 1st, 2010, 02:37 AM   1
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Anyone else feel their partner is really unsupportive??

I had a mc at 7-8 weeks. This wasn't a planned pregnancy, but all the same I was really excited about it and planning the future in my head. My husband wasn't happy about it and wanted me to have an abortion so maybe he thought the mc was a good thing. He is being so unsupportive. I am very tearful, and try to be strong, but yesterday it all got too much and I burst in to tears. He asked what was wrong, and said "oh, are you still upset about that, didn't think you would be". My scan was due today, which has made all feelings come back, as now should be an exciting time telling friends and family once I had the piccies in my hands. He never mentions what has happened. I only told 1 friend what has happened.
Anyway, I am rambling on now, but is is quite normal for me to be unsupportive, or is it just mine??
Oh, and when I mentioned the scan before mc, he said he would be at work and couldn't make it, but then today he has taken a flexi day!! That has pee'd me off even more.

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Old Nov 1st, 2010, 06:46 AM   2
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Has he took the flexi date because he knew you'd be upset today?

I'd say it's quite normal for men to behave in what we think of as unsupportive way, even when they don't mean to! Truth is they all display emotion differently, and miscarriage affects them differently to us - I really feel it's not half as big a deal to them as us.

My fella has been terrible, (I have started many a thread on this topic!) Don't get me wrong, he came to all my appointments with me, hugged me, bought me presents, cooked me tea but then he just seemed to forget about the whole thing a few months after, I still have my due date to come!!! I wanted to go away for it (new years day) but he doesn't want to then we had a big argument because he asked why I was so upset, "It's only a date" he said! I could have hit him!

He NEVER talks about it, whilst I still cry about it some days...

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Old Nov 1st, 2010, 07:22 AM   3
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When i had my MC my hubby was pretty unsupportive too..Was only later on down the line when i told him how much it really upset me that he confided that he was behaving like that because he didnt feel it would help me if he got all upset too and he felt he had to be strong for me!!
xx xx

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Old Nov 1st, 2010, 10:50 AM   4
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While it is true that some men have a hard time dealing with the grief openly we do have to look at the context here and I would say he is being extremely unsupportive as you said he originally wanted you to have an abortion. His taking a day off now I'm sure was not for your benefit - men who are supportive have a hard time remembering the dates that we do, much less would he think you need support for it if he didn't even think you'd still be upset about losing your baby.

I'm sorry your OH is not more sensitive to how you feel - it seems like you've made it known to him so he's not oblivious that you need comfort, and his response should be more thoughtful.

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Old Nov 2nd, 2010, 09:17 AM   5
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Thats the same situation as me. My bf has barely said a word about it but it happened so quickly with us i think he was still taking in that i was pregnant then i was telling him i lost the baby.

i just think men cant understand the pain as the baby wasnt growing inside them. As soon as i saw the positive test i loved the baby but he was more its not the right time blah blah.

If you feel you need to talk or just rant come on here it really does help most of my anger comes out on here and its helped me to look forward. There are some really lovely people on here who have been through it so know the pain you are feeling.

I hope you find the support you need

and I am so so sorry for your loss.

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Old Nov 2nd, 2010, 15:11 PM   6
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Thanks for kind words. He didn't take the day off to support me as he didn't even know when the scan was supposed to be as wasn't interested in coming with me.
I just wish he would mention it. I keep thinking, I should be this many weeks, I should be this, I should be on maternity leave at such and such a time etc. Feel like part of me is lost.
He doesn't want kids now, so now I am back on the pill and using condoms as he is scared of getting pregnant again. I just feel like I have lost everything.

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