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Old Dec 1st, 2010, 12:49 PM   1
RoxyRoo
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How long did you take off work after your miscarriage?


Hi ladies, I had a miscarriage yesterday at 4w6d pregnant I know I was very early into the pregnancy but after trying for 23 months we are so devastated

I work in a school as a support worker and I told my boss I was pregnant who was amazing about it. When I rang her yesterday morning to tell her I was cramping/bleeding she told me to go straight to A&E. I told her later on that I had miscarried and I could hear she was so so sad for us too and she told me to take all the time I need. She's just texted me now and said "just to say I'm thinking of you both, keep in touch, take what time you need x"

But my question is, how much time do I need??

I know that's a strange question but I really don't know. Do I stay at home and lie on the sofa crying for days on end, or do I go to work and try and take my mind off it?

Physically, I'm still bleeding heavily but the cramping has eased a little. I also have a major migraine.

Mentally, I'm numb. I feel drained and very very sad

DH and I are trying our best through this but I don't really know what to do. We lit a candle lastnight for our angel and we cuddled in the window and watched the snow fall. We are grieving for what should have been.

I've just read through this and realised it's just a big jumbled mess Sorry, my head's all over the place..

How long did you ladies take off work?? xxxx



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Old Dec 1st, 2010, 13:00 PM   2
SmileyKez
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Hey hun, just thought I'd drop in and offer my sympathies! I mc yesterday, at 7 weeks, also after 23 months of trying! I know how you must be feeling!

Obviously I don't know yet how long I'll be off, I'm on a weeks holiday next week anyway so have told work I'll be back after that but not 100% sure if that will happen! I think you (and me) need to deal with the physical at the moment and then take time to deal with the emotional side of it! Everyone is different and you may need less or more time than me, but someone told me today to let myself grieve and don't rush things!

I am quite calm at the mo but I think that's because today the cramps have been so bad and I think it all came out today, which I think has taken over the sadness in my head!

I really wish u well and hope we both get over this soon! x



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Old Dec 1st, 2010, 13:07 PM   3
RoxyRoo
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Thank you for your reply, Kez and I am so sorry for your loss

I guess I'm just worried that people will think "she was only 5 weeks gone and only knew about it for a week - why does she need so much time off??"

I know it shouldn't matter what people think but I wonder if they're right? The thing is, I truly am devastated. I think the fact that we tried so hard for so long (which I'm sure you can understand) to have it stolen away so quickly, has made it so hard for me to accept.

Earlier on I was really thinking of going back to work tomorrow, but now I'm thinking that's too soon..



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Old Dec 1st, 2010, 13:11 PM   4
grandbleu
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So sorry for your loss - I would just take the rest of the week off...I felt much better after the bleeding actually stopped (not perfect but better). That took about 5 days so that would bring you to next Monday.

I'm so sorry hon - I totally understand the devastation we were in TTC for a long time as well.



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Old Dec 1st, 2010, 13:25 PM   5
RoxyRoo
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Thank you grandbleu, I'm sorry for your loss too

Yes, I was thinking of taking the rest of the week off but wondered if work would think I'm taking too long off? But then I guess it only happened yesterday..

I'm so confused at the moment



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Old Dec 1st, 2010, 13:27 PM   6
grandbleu
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Your boss knows and told you to take what you need...don't feel guilty or some sort of pressure. If you feel ready and don't want to stay home then by all means go back to work. BUT if you want to just stay at home and not have to deal with people or questions or just want to mourn a little bit by yourself and OH then you should do that...it's only 2 days I can't imagine anyone thinking that's too much time. Good luck with your decision and HUGS!



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Old Dec 1st, 2010, 13:33 PM   7
RoxyRoo
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That's really helpful, thank you xxx



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Old Dec 1st, 2010, 13:35 PM   8
sparkle
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I'm so sorry for your loss. I agree with the other ladies. Take the rest of the week off, I went back to work after 3 days and IMO it was too early. I should have taken the week...

I also work in a school and I'm so glad yours are being supportive, mine were less so...

Many hugs xx



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Old Dec 1st, 2010, 13:58 PM   9
tali
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Sorry for your loss .... You will know when you're ready to go back to work. I work in healthcare and was physically ready after a week but mentally wasn't ready for at least two weeks after my MMC. I still get times where my brain wanders and I force myself to reign my thoughts in.

Everyone is different and we all cope differently. Take what time you need for you. Thinking of you.



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Old Dec 1st, 2010, 16:05 PM   10
RoxyRoo
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Thank you for your replies.

I've decided I'll probably take the rest of the week off and then see how I feel on Monday. The weird thing is that I feel ok at the moment, but I'm sure that won't last long. The sadness keeps coming over me in waves, I guess it's still sinking in.

I'm sorry to you all for your losses



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