I found out I wad pregnant on my hubbys birthday in May. It was not planned, but some of the greatest things never are! We were ecstatic. The happiest I have ever seen him! I had an ultra sound appointment in a couple of weeks so we waited to see our baby anxiously and began talking about names, and how we would inform our families & such. Every day he called from work to ask about how I felt & if the baby had moved yet. Lol. He was ridiculous but I loved it. He didnt want to miss anything he wanted to be there for everything. He is so amazing. We were young and afraid of course but our excitement and love for this unborn miracle was beyond anything I had ever felt and it gave me hope and an understanding of an unconditional love I had never before imagined. We bought the baby books of course and nightly we read to each other a chapter from the book. Our new found Bible. We had decided for a girl ( which I had this distinct feeling our unborn baby would be) we would name her Ayvah Jade. & for a boy, my husband wanted Dewey...lol so it was still up for debate. We went to our ultra sound, an early morning appointment so my husband could go before work, I was around 11 weeks and the Doctor said everything was normal and prescribed me naseua meds and prenatal vitamins and set up another appointment. I was due in January. We went out to my favorite cafe afterwards for breakfast & I was soo happy. I remember it as the happiest day I have ever had. I started to feel like something wasnt write. I went to the bathroom and was bleeding heavily. My husband rushed me back to te doctor, and he did another ultra sound, drew blood, and told me I was most likely miscarrying and put me on bedrest. I had begun writing a journal about everything I was feeling for our baby, who we called Ayvah from basically the moment we found out I was pregnant (Even though I could have been wrong) and I laid in my bed for 2 weeks keeping in contact with my doctor & writing letters to God and to my baby. praying for a miracle. I went back and had more tests done and the doctor confirmed my miscarriage. I had lost our Ayvah. I blamed myself, I blamed the doctor, I blamed God. But now I know nothing could have prevented it )" I just miss her. and I am sorry for anyone who has to go through anything similar. Feels nice to talk about her now. I wouldve never survived it emotionally without the support from my amazing hubby. Do you think Ayvah is in Heaven? Is that where all of the lost babies go? I really like to think so..
You need to read Heaven is For Real....... it's a great book and gave me some comforting thoughts during my darkest days. Yes I believe my baby is in heaven and believe family is watching over him till we get there. God has a plan for us and our babies...... Feeling guilty is perfectly normal, but unnecessary...... There's no fault. God Bless and floaty kisses to Ayvah ......
I am sorry for your loss but yes your little one is in heaven and I am not sure how religious you are or anything like that but in my religion we believe that those of us who have lost a little one will have the chance to raise them when the time is right, I know it is a sad moment and you miss her terribly, I miss my little peanut too but I know he is ok and I will see him one day again just like you will see your little Ayvah
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