After 5 iui's we went ahead with ivf and were very fortunate to have it result in a pregnancy. We had an ultrasound at 6weeks and things looked a bit behind. At 7.5 weeks the heartbeat was there but the baby measured closer to 6.5 weeks. We went back on Monday at 8.5 weeks and there was no growth and the heart is slowing. We know the baby isn't going to make it but we chose to continue the progesterone until the heart stops. We will go for another scan this weekend. This feels like pure torture. I have no idea how we are supposed to move past this. Even though we are only near 9 weeks we made so many plans. We were so happy that we were finally off the roller coaster after 3 years of trying to conceive.
Now I'm not sure what to expect as far as the actual miscarriage itself. The thought of losing my baby in a toilet makes me sick. I panic everytime i wake up that i am going to be in a pool of blood. I can't stop thinking about the idea that we were going to have him/her here this Halloween, Christmas, etc. we were planning to list our house as soon as we saw the heartbeat in order to move closer to our jobs. I just feel lost, like everything in our lives has fallen apart. I also feel very alone. I'm not sure where i belong on the boards anymore.
I'm so sorry for your loss. The hardest part about my first m/c was that I had made all sorts of plans around having the baby. It never ocurred to me that those plans would disappear. I had a difficult time mentally acknowledging that what I had envisioned for the future was not going to be reality. But once you get past that, once you can look at the future with hope again, it gets a little better. Even if you're more cautious about hoping. Take care of yourself and don't feel alone. We've all been there, we know how you feel.
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