Just had a phone call from the funeral director asking whether we want to attend the cemetery while the burial of our baby takes place. I prepared myself for the phone call but it still came as bit of a shock. I still haven't decided what to do, so told her that I would speak to my partner and call back tomorrow.

I really don't know what I want to do I don't know if I want to think of it as a 'proper funeral'. I think it will really upset me and take me back to square one. I've only just started feeling a bit more 'normal'. So I'm thinking maybe not go to that, but go the day after to put some nice flowers down etc? But if I don't go, will I end up regretting it.. Just sitting around the house on the day it happens thinking about it, thinking maybe I should be there?

OH won't give his true feelings on the matter.. He keeps saying that it's up to me, and whatever I feel that will help, he will support me.
What would you do? Or what are you doing if you chose for the hospital to arrange the burial? xxx

P.s. Babies hb stopped at 8+4, so all the babies are getting buried together, with a plaque that says 'To all the unborn babies'.. so so sad

I really can't imagine what you are going through, my bean passed at 7 and a half weeks. I had the D&C, but they said I could take the bean home after, I decided for them to cremate it and put the ashes in the hospital garden. I would find it to hard to have had it here. You have to do what feels right for you, if you go along, would it give you some closure. If I was given the option of burial, which they didnt do here, I probably would go as its nice to think of all the babies together and I could say goodbye. There is days when I feel ok and days when I feel like I don't want to function, but it can only get easier, sending you loads of hugs xxx

I understand what a hard time this is. I think it's important you decide to do what is best for you and not feel guilty about your decision. If you're starting to have closure then a funeral might open old wounds, but if you feel you need this for closure then I would consider it. This decision is about you and your husband. It's what you need to do, not what you feel obligated to do or what is "proper." Do what makes this process easier for you.

i think only you can make that decision.

I lost my LO in Jan at 13-14 weeks gestation - so i actually had to give birth to my LO. The hospital arranged a cremation for us at the local crematorium. The hospital chaplain took the service and the hospital organised the funeral director as well (all free of charge and just our LO)

My DH and i were the only ones who attended, our choice. It is the worst thing i have ever experienced in my life, i won`t go into details as i don`t want to upset anyone.

The funeral directors then collected the ashes, the hospital chaplain collected the ashes from them and he did another little service the next day when the ashes were laid to rest in the hospital memorial garden, this was not as upsetting as the previous day.

I am glad we did this, as it helped to bring closure and now we know exactly where our LO is buried.

however, in July 09 I had a MMC at 8 weeks gestation and i had a D&C. We were asked what we wanted to do, we asked the hospital to deal with it and we had no further involvement with this then, so we have no idea what happened to our LO.

We never looked back and regretted what we had done, I was so upset and at the time couldn`t see it as a baby and didn`t want anything to do with it.
(i then had little boy in may 10)

however, when I lost my LO in Jan we did then start to look back at our other one and started to feel guilty that we had not done anything for that one, like we did with this one.

We mentioned this to the hospital chaplain, and he was very good and mentioned our previous LO in the service for the one we just lost.

This made us feel a lot better that we had now recognised our other baby.

As I said before, this is a totally personal choice and is up to you and your DH to decide whatever you feel is best for you.

i am so sorry for your loss.

That's what I thought.. But then again I feel like I already am starting to have a bit of closure, me and OH did a little 'memory box' which really helped. I feel exactly like you, I get days where I am okay, but others I'm really tearful and constantly thinking about it. I find time is helping though.

That's exactly how I feel, that if I go then it may bring it all back. It's such a hard decision for me to make.

Hmm maybe I will just go the day after with flowers and something nice like a teddy. OH is still being resistant about telling me how he feels. He basically said he will go along with whatever I decide xx

I'm so sorry for your loss I think you will have hard days and more gentle days regardless of the funeral approaching, so although you feel in a bit of a better place right now, that could all change by the time its the funeral, and you would more likely probably regret not going more than going if that makes sense?

I hope I have worded that how I intend it to word.

Thinking of you and I hope you feel content with the decision you make xxx