I was visited by a friend on Monday who had heard about what I have been through and she came for a chat and told me what had happened in her case and it was very similar to what happened with me
http://www.babyandbump.com/miscarria...949-shock.html

We were both of the opinion that women are not informed about miscarriage until they are going though it. I know that it would be wrong to bombard a newly pregnant woman with facts about it, but it seems like a big secret.

I know that on the forum lots of people are worried and shocked about The amount of bleeding they go through. It is very frightening to be faced with the situation.

I know in the case of women who find out before they miscarry that they are going to are given choices D&C etc, but are they given enough information and support about what will happen in both instances?

I also hated the fact that the entrance to the ward where I went when having my miscarriage was past the labour ward and antinatal units where women with babies in their tummys and those in labour were. That hurt like a knife to see labouring women on their way into hospital when I was loosing my baby.

What did you wish you had known

I feel exactly the same, I was just given leaflets about what choice to make and I really could not read through them as was in such a state.I had everything done in the early pregnancy unit, which was next door to the delivery ward and opposite the maternity ultrasound. I dont know how I managed to get through it without a break down. I think all hospitals are like this. In an ideal world, I would have liked someone with me who had been through it and could have advised me. I would like to be able to help others going through it as no one should go through this alone..

Even tho I have had my rainbow a few months ago, I regularly come back onto this forum to offer what advice, compassion and help I can as nobody told me how lonely and isolating the emotional repercussions post-mc can be and that it can last for weeks/months (and years).

I wish somebody had told me that all the feelings I had were completely, sadly, normal and that grief for a mc is okay, even if it was early days.
I wish somebody had told me that it was okay to laugh again and not feel guilty.
I wish somebody had told me that I would always miss my LO, but it was okay to 'move on'.
I wish somebody had told me that I would, without warning, suddenly remember my lost LO.
I wish somebody had told me that sometimes I would cry when reading/hearing of others' losses because I knew the hell they were going through.
I wish somebody had told me that it's okay to love your rainbow and wonder what your lost one would be like.
I wish somebody had told me that some days I don't want to remember and that's okay, too.
I wish somebody had told me that I would survive and recover, but would never be quite the same again.
I wish somebody had told me that I would make some good friends in this section, but annoyed that it was such losses that made it possible.
I wish somebody had told me that it is one of the hardest things to survive, but it can be done...

sorry if I upset anybody....

best wishes

I wish someone would had told me that many people just 'don't get it' and have no idea why you are so upset and don't consider that it may be upsetting to talk about everybody elses pregnancy and babies....

The pain never goes away but does get easier to bare.

It has also strengthened my marriage knowing that we can get through such heartbreak together and we are closer than ever.

x

*Tmi but..
I also wish I was informed about how much bleeding there would be.. And the amount and size of the clots. (I never imagined that i would pass around 8-10 clots the size of fists?!) I expected a lot bleeding.. But not to the extent where I had to put on two maternity-sized pads on at the same time and change them within 2 minutes! (I had planned to have a medical, but my m/c ended up happening naturally 2 days before going in to hospital for the tablet, so most of it happened at home.)

The doctors/nurses had many chances to warn me of this and how much bleeding there would be, as I had two scans and ended up in a&e..

The ward in the hospital I was at, deals with miscarriages on the early pregnancy ward.. With the labour ward right above it, so the women in labour have to walk past to go up the stairs/lift. I know what you mean when you say how upsetting it is to see them.

It didn't help that they were the two wards that I had to go to when pregnant with my first LO, so all the happy memories came flooding back, happy scans, being in labour etc I just wanted to be there for the good reasons like I was with my first LO!!!

They kept me in hospital over night. At first I had a room of my own, but once the bleeding settled, straight away they wanted to kick my OH out and move me in to a room with 3 other women. I thought that this was a bit unfair, we literally had just lost our baby. They could have at least given us a couple of hours to let in sink in couldn't they?!

Hi everyone,

Sorry you have all had to go thru this. I feel exactly the same, I wasn't informed of the ins and outs of taking misoprostol (I had a mmc, found out at 12 weeks and baby had died at 11 weeks). They did not say how long it could take, what the bleeding would be like, the horror of being sent home and having to watch for passing my baby at home. It's been 2 weeks since I took the tablets and there is no sign of the bleeding stopping and noone told me this could happen.....even though I told the nurse that I didn't want the emotional pain of waiting for it to happen naturally, she failed to then tell me I'd end up waiting with the tablets anyway. They seemed to have been more concerned with discouraging me from the d & e than with giving me the actual facts I needed to know to make an informed decision.

And I agree it is awful that women miscarrying have to witness other women going in to have their babIes when they are losing their own.

I really wish someone who had gone through this had been there to talk to me as it happened. The nurses on the EPAU were so blasé and treated me like a child. The whole experience was awful and I don't think hospital staff help make it any easier.

I wish I knew that the closer you get to the 2nd trimester, the more likely you're going to have to actively push the stuff out. I had a natural miscarriage at 12+3 weeks and while most of it gushed out I did end up having to push a bit as it got stuck. "Like a heavy period" is what I kept hearing about m/c and nothing could be further from the truth....and I normally have very heavy, clotty periods to begin with! It was quite traumatizing--my waters broke and everything--though I think it was harder on DH (he looked quite scared).

This. I know I've changed. I hope it's mostly for the better but some of that innocence is gone. If anyone has read the "Anne of Green Gable" series, in the later books Anne looses her first baby to stillbirth and after her mourning period the book mentions how she started to laugh again but something was missing from her smile and it never returned. That totally captures how I feel about both my lost babies.

I wish I knew how to get by, I wish I was not alone, I wish people understood I was grieving, I wish people would understand I don't want to talk about babies, I wish someone was there in the hospital to explain my options, I wish the doctor had listened when I said I knew I needed progesterone, I wish my baby was with me, I wish I could stop crying, I wish she was here with me.

I wish I would have been told how crazy I would feel after everything. I was still having symptoms of pregnancy & all I had to show for it was an empty uterus & dialated cervix. I wish I would have known how angry I would be I was expecting sad but the rage I felt caught me off guard. I hate any of you ladies have went thru this or are going thru this. My heart goes out to everyone.

yes, that's what happened in my relationship, we are closer now like never before, you just learn that you have to love your other half more and be nice to each other. I changed towards other members of my family as well. In general, I am calmer person now, able to recognise what are the important things in my life, love my family and close people more