about 10 months ago i fell pregnant and i didn't know. i carried on my day to day life as i always did. i fell ill in the august whilst away from my partner on holiday with friends. after returning from my short holiday by partner was kept away from me because of work and i started having the most horrific pain in my back and my stomach. after loosing a lot of blood i realised i was loosing my baby. the fetal tissue (my baby) came out. i held my little baby in my hands, making out its feet, its tiny arm and legs, eyes and lump in its chest where its heart was, i could just about make out its hands and feet.

With my partner being away i didn't know what to do...i felt so so alone. i text him to tell him to call me. when he got round to ringing me he was devastated, not only because we had lost a baby but also because he couldn't be there to support me. i had to grieve on my own for a month. the first month i was on my own. i told no-one else, no family or friends, i just wanted to be on my own.

ever since that day my life has never been the same, never being able to see my babies eyes, hear its cry or its laugh, watch it grow. i try my hardest to say positive but i do find it very very difficult. i try so hard to stay positive but something always comas back to hit me in the face, every time things are on the up i get knocked back down. me and my partner have worked together but he is a typical man and finds it hard to talk about his feelings and i feel alone a lot of the time.

last months my baby would have been born. i would be holding a human being in my arms right now but instead i held it in my arms 7 months ago i held it in my hand, so small, so precious. it was mine. so many people tell me it wasn't a baby yet and life goes on and you'll be a mum one day but i DON'T CARE!! me and my partner lost that baby. i don't want to get pregnant again because i don't want to replace that baby, nothing can replace it, and i'm reluctant to have sex, not only for that reason but also because i don't want it to happen again.


Sorry this is a bit sort but i don't really know what to say...

I am sorry you are feeling like this, men I know don't share their thoughts and feelings, and nobody can tell you when you should try for another baby, only you can decide. Its hard for people who have not been through this and people often say things that they think will make us feel better but does the opposite. This board has helped me alot in dealing with my loss as I know I am not alone. I hope you feel as though you are not alone, we are here if you need us, sending you lots of

thank you or your reply, it means a lot. my partner is is work from 8 in the morning and isn't home until 10 in the evening. even though it has been 7 months since it all happened i still get very upset and am still grieving. the few people who know tell me i shouldn't be getting upset now it was a while ago, just forget and get on with your life, but i cant. i miss my angle more and more every day and i think the only people who understand are women who have gone through this too =[

I'm so sorry this has happened to you...especially on your own.

I think it's important to acknowledge and let these unpleasant/scary/moving feelings happen. They are real and how our body is naturally going through the process of loss (hopefully toward a place of peace).

Of course, nothing will replace the baby you lost, and it is perhaps surprising just how strong feelings of grief can be. But another attempt stands to yield emotions that are just as strong but at the opposite end of the emotion spectrum. This is precisely why I'll most definitely be trying again. Some day, I want to feel sheer and utter joy and amazement just as strongly as I've felt loss and confusion recently. I'm definitely taking the risk.

i 100% want to try again because i want to be a mother. i want to love something so much i could burst, have the fear of their first day in school, be their on their wedding day, be a happy family again...but i am scared that in having another child i will replace the angle i lost

The word "should" doesn't go with feelings. You shouldn't be getting upset any more than they shouldn't be falling in love with _____, or laughing at that joke, or smiling when they land a fab new job.

To these ignorant offensive people, I would say: Sorry, peeps. It just don't work that way. On second thought, to these ignorant offensive people I would say nothing; your 'relationship energy' is far better spent elsewhere.

(Sorry. Bit of a rant. But I am growing so tired of stories of people who are in need of real, honest-to-God support and friendship in times of great difficulty only to be met by so-called friends who are either unprepared or unwilling to test their own capacities of giving and loving. Unconscionable. Grr.)

You wont replace the baby you lost, that baby will be in your hearts forever and when you have your new baby, you will prob tell them about the baby you lost. My children talk about our lost baby all the time, i found it strange at first, but they say their nans who have passed on are looking after him and her and when they see a star, thats the baby shining in the sky.He or she will never be replaced as it changed our lives forever and the positive thing to come from our loss, is that is makes us appreciate what we have and has made us stronger. You try when your ready xx

both these replies help tremendously!! sowanted...i am on the same page as you, it frustrates me to the extreme that the people i trusted with this heart breaking information don't seem to care, its a 'build a bridge and get over it' and 'life goes on' attitude and i am turning to resent them because they do not understand. my partner cried for the first time since it happened last week, i think it has taking him this long to realise and accept what has happened. he has been pushing it to the back of his mind for all this time

Kelly4...i suppose your right...your story is an inspiration and gives me hope that one day i will have the family i always dreamed of...i know i will never forget this angel ever in my life..he or she was my first and they got taken away far to early....but i've been told everything happens for a reason....but i keep asking myself what was the reason for this?? have i been such a bad person that i can't be trusted with a child of my own....???

Your not a bad person and that is definately not why they were taken away so early. The loss of our first will baby will make the love for our future babies so much stronger, we will all be here for eachother and when we are ready we will try again.

you're right...i suppose..thank you for your kind words