im a newbie to this site more of a reader than a poster.
i had my 3rd m/c on wed morning at 7+3. my partner has been fantastic i couldnt ask for better support i just have 1 problem.
he has three young children 7, 5 and 3 from a previous relationship who we have every other weekend. i have a real good relationship with them and they see me as their step mum but i long to have my own. this weekend (fri night) is the weekend we should have them but i dont feel like i can cope with having them so soon.
how do i tell him that i feel like that.............i feel have already let him down so much this week dont want him to think im being really unreasonable. he has said that he might have them at his parents but selfishly i want him here with me.
now typing this im sobbing feeling so selfish and a bit all over the place what would any of you do?
YOu are not being selfish or unreasonable. Hontsly, I think they way you worded tht you don't think you are ready for them in the post is very nice and could hardly be taken the wrong way.
I have felt badly because I am not really mourning, and someone brought their baby to work yesterday and I shut myself in a closet until she left. YOu never know what emotion is going to hit you when or what may triggre it.
Maybe he can have the kids at his parents, spend time with you and spend a little time with then there too. I am sure the grandparents would like having htem and then you have the option to visit or not, you are in control of that.
You haven't let him down. You did not cause this. I feared the same thing and my husband, being the emotional and sensitive man he is, literally started laughing when I told him I felt that way. Then he said 'oh, you're serious, why would you think that it's crazy.'
Sorry you're having to go through this and hope you are feeling better soon. And I am happy to hear you have a good relationship with the kids, most of my friends are not so lucky.
One more thing, this is a great place to be when you are sobbing. I have extremely supportive friends adn family, many who have been through this, but I still feel alone. I have never been much of a computer persona dn never thought strangers typing whatever is on their mind could be so helpful tome, but it has.
Maybe the kids could spend a little while with you two and then if his parents know what you two are going through see if they could watch them for a bit and you two can talk about what you are feeling and maybe they could stay and grandma and grandpas for the night and then you guys could get the again before they go back to their moms house. That way you and your man can spend time with the kiddos that they need and you will also be able to ease back into it. And you won't know what you are going to feel with the kids until they are actually there, we always come up with these crazy thoughts ( well at least I do) and when it actually happens things are different and sometimes relieving when it actually happens
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