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Old Feb 25th, 2015, 00:34 AM   1
gingmg
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co-sleeping- how to handle the criticism?


It wasn't my plan to co-sleep but that's the only way my baby sleeps so here we are. I've grown to love sleeping with him and now I can't imagine it any other way. Well my mom gave me an earful today and my confidence is in the toilet right now as a result. I know she didn't mean to make me feel bad but she did and now I'm feeling like I'm doing everything wrong. I'm sick of hearing "I hold him too much" "he should know how to self soothe better at 3 months" "he should be in his crib" " I'm creating bad habits" The list is endless. I can't stop crying. I don't want to do the wrong things for my baby. I thought I was just doing what he needed. It had felt natural to me to take care of him this way but today my world is caving in and I'm second guessing everything.



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Old Feb 25th, 2015, 01:29 AM   2
AJCart
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You are responding to your bub's needs the way you feel it is appropriate and that means you are 100% doing the best thing by him. Some babies are fine to sleep in a crib, others need the comfort of having you close by. Some babies are happy to be put down, others need to be held for a large portion of the day.

Next time somebody tells you that you're spoiling him/creating bad habits/whatever dumb thing pops from their mouths ask them when was the last time they saw a teenager still sleeping in Mum's bed, or a school age child being carried everywhere.

They are only little for such a short time. Cherish every single snuggle they'll let you have. Before too long the independence will kick in without any help from you. You just keep doing a great job and tell people that what you're doing works for you and bub so they can keep their remarks to themselves.



 
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Old Feb 25th, 2015, 02:06 AM   3
Aliop
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One thing I've learnt is to keep information to a minimum, and I mean that in the nicest way! If it's working for you then, enjoy it, if it's not change it. I don't 'discuss' my parenting with anyone other than my husband unless really necessary. I'm a big believer in doing what works for you and educating yourself (read, read, read!) and as long as everyone is happy and healthy as can be its all good



 
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Old Feb 25th, 2015, 04:19 AM   4
xQuinnx
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I co-sleep with my little girl and she's 5 months. People do make comments, I used to worry lots that I was cuddling her too much, sometimes I'd let her nap on me etc but what people have said before is right. You do what feels right for your baby, you are it creating bad habits when they are so tiny!
I did a baby massage course and that really boosted my confidence in terms of how I was as a mum was 'ok' if that makes sense. There's a book on infant massage by Vimala McClure which even if you're not interested in baby massage has lots of stuff in it about why touch is great with your baby. Really helped me stay confident about how I am as a mum when idiot people start to question it



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Old Feb 25th, 2015, 15:49 PM   5
Larkspur
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Just tell them, "Look, this is how I want to raise my baby, so I'd appreciate if you leave me to it. If she is a clingy mess who is still sleeping in my bed when she turns five, you'll be very welcome to say you told me so then. But until then, I've heard what you have to say, and I don't want to hear it again, thanks."



 
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Old Feb 25th, 2015, 16:44 PM   6
HopefulEm
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You're going what feels natural for you and your baby; that's the best way to go!

Just remember when people criticize your way of doing things that what they're often really doing is defending themselves. Your mom doesn't want to think her way of raising you was wrong or inferior, so she's likely to stick by those beliefs.

Every parent should have the right to raise their children in their own way. I'm sure your doing the best job you can.



 
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Old Feb 25th, 2015, 16:56 PM   7
catty
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I now co sleep full time with my daughter. It wasnt a plan of mine but she sleeps a solid 12 hours this way.
I just simply dont tell anyone. People just assume she sleeps in a cot and I just dont tell them differently. Im not ashamed just cant be bothered listening to 'your baby will die' 'your sex life must be non existant' blah blah blah



 
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Old Feb 25th, 2015, 17:18 PM   8
kajastarlight
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3 months? Really? Your baby should be ready to take on the cold crule world alone at 3 months?????
With my DS1 I listened to all that and made him "cry it out" in his crib and be a better self soother and all that fun (not) stuff until he was about 16 months old. That is when my life got turned upside down and his father left me pregnant with DS2....
When DS2 came around I was so over listening to all that and to many people I "took the easy way out" - being a single mom of 2 under 2 was hard! So ya, I made things easier and co-slept with DS2 (DS1 didn't want to often but was welcome to come to bed with us if he wanted.) I held him constantly and was able to nurse him too.
To this day DS1 is clingy and I can't help but wonder if it is because I decided he needed to be able to rely on himself at the ripe ol' age of 2 months... DS2 is independant as any other 10 year old. It may be that it would have turned out the way it did no matter what. I just wished I had followed my gut and not let people convinse me that I shouldn't hold DS1 as much as I wanted to.



 
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Old Feb 26th, 2015, 13:06 PM   9
AnneD
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Larkspur View Post
Just tell them, "Look, this is how I want to raise my baby, so I'd appreciate if you leave me to it. If she is a clingy mess who is still sleeping in my bed when she turns five, you'll be very welcome to say you told me so then. But until then, I've heard what you have to say, and I don't want to hear it again, thanks."
This has just made my day. Thank you Larkspur.



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Old Feb 27th, 2015, 17:56 PM   10
gingmg
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Thank you for your replies. I'm feeling better now. My mom and I never disagree and are very close with each other so when we argue it hits me hard. I guess I felt criticized and judged, and I felt that she thought I was doing the wrong things or that I should be doing things differently. I don't know too many people that share my parenting style so its hard to know where to turn for advice. And as a first time mom I have lots of questions and concerns and then I find my confidence is shaken when I'm around so many moms that do everything so differently from me. I need to go back to the place I was in a few weeks ago where I felt confident that my inner guide was not steering me wrong. I have to shut out the outside chatter better. Thank you all again for you kind words, it helps to know I'm not the only one who feels that meeting him exactly where he is is the right thing to do as opposed to forcing him to fit into where others think he should be.



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