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Old May 3rd, 2017, 14:01 PM   1
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Join Date: May 2017
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Wanting to get pregnant but no intimacy

Background on me, 32, no kids, married for almost 2 years but together for a whole lot longer.

I'm really down today and feel like I'm on the edge of depression. I am not trying to turn this into relationship advice but need someplace to vent. All my life when I looked into the future, I saw kids. I come from a big family and have been around them my whole life. I can't imagine my life without them and if I look at my future without them, it looks empty and lonely.

That being said, my H knows I want kids but really cant understand why I want them so bad. He sees all the ladies at his work and all they do is complain about their kids. He just sees them as a money pit (for lack of better words). However, he has, on several occasions told me he is ready. He even came home recently and not even me bringing the subject up says he saw a little girl today that pulled at his heart and made him realize he's ready and wants them. Then he'll turn around and make some excuse as to why not right now...not financially stable enough (we are very much stable), too much going on in life right now need to wait til things settle down, ok this year but no next year....just wishy washy. Literally it can be "im ready" one day, to "no" the next and I'm not talking, no pregnancy right now. He says no when I mention wanting to try in a few months.

Regardless of all of the ups and downs which are hard enough on my emotions, we have absolutely no going on about 4 months now. This hurts the worst and I'm so torn. I desire that intimacy so much and he doesn't get it. He thinks since he's fine without it, then it shouldn't be a big deal for me either. I want the intimacy first because I feel lonely and rejected and trust me I take care of myself. He's said so many times its not me. Secondly, obviously because it means we can have a child someday. What gets me so confused in my own thoughts is, what if he does have s with me one day just to have a kid and I get pregnant? Am I going to resent the kid and myself because it was conceived solely because I wanted one and not because it was a byproduct of two people loving each other?

I'm starting to go crazy. I see all the women, friends, all 3 of my sisters who are younger than me, my younger brother with his wife...everyone getting pregnant and it hurts, like cuts down deep, feel like my heart is breaking and my life is meaningless. I feel rejected because I know women whose husbands give them kids because they ask for them and mine says he loves me but can't see how much i'm hurting and wont even make the effort. I'm starting to lose sleep over it, waking up in the middle of the night and crying til I fall back asleep. I hurt I hurt I hurt and any time I try to show my emotions, he calls me psycho. Its affecting my life because honestly, what is the point of waking up and going to work everyday to bring home money to an empty house. I just dont know what to do anymore. Its like he can't see how much it hurts me, so I tell myself to try talking to him about it again and show him, but everytime I do, he gets mad and says when it happens it will happen (again, you have to DTD to get pregnant, right? or am I just behind the times here?) or he'll get mad and say that he's tired of hearing about it. So I keep it inside and it starts to bottle up and I get moody with him and start to feel resentment. He'll ask whats wrong and I'll say nothing (because he's tired of hearing about it, right?) or I'll tell him and its the same fight.

You can tell me I'm obsessing over this too much and I probably am, but its consuming my thoughts and my life. Was just hoping from a woman's heart, someone would understand with no judgment.

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Old May 7th, 2017, 01:34 AM   2
Pregnant (Expecting)
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Join Date: May 2011
Location: Oregon, USA
Posts: 418
Hugs across the internet for you. That's a tough situation to be in. As someone who's gone through "dry spells" while married, I know how it makes EVERYTHING sucky, and that's without throwing wanting to conceive into the mix.

Can I suggest talking to a counselor, both for you alone and maybe together after a while? You might benefit from having someone to discuss all this with in person, and they could give a better, more personal perspective than random people on the internet.

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Old May 18th, 2017, 20:33 PM   3
Pregnant (Expecting)
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 1,553
I'm not sure if this will be any help at all, but my DH has been very wishy washy about wanting to try for another too... he's afraid because our DD (accidental pregnancy) had severe health problems as a newborn...
Anyhow, I think he's finally come around to trying... because... get this... his MOM is asking us for another grandchild... she didn't know I've been wanting another, but hey... if it works...

Maybe if you discussed with his family about wanting a child, they might talk to him from an unbiased viewpoint?

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