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Old Jun 4th, 2018, 06:19 AM   1
Pne1985
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I want more babies, my husband says no more kids


I desperately want at least one more child, my husband says he is perfectly fine with 2. But he also said he was perfectly fine with 1 at one point also but now absolutely loves our daughter to pieces. We are kind of doing the natural family planning along with the withdrawal method. He said if God gives us a baby by doing this then he will be very accepting of it. But doesnít actually want to try. I know I need to be more supportive of his decision but at the same time, I feel like the pregnancy/baby chapter of my life isnít over yet. Itís so hard to accept. Anybody else in the same boat or was at some point of their lives? This is something that wonít break our marriage because we have a pretty good relationship and I am so very grateful for what we already have!



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Old Jun 10th, 2018, 13:10 PM   2
Lizzybee
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Hey! I'm following as I'm sort of in the same position. My DH doesn't want anymore but I'm devastated. He's not very understanding, in fact if I broach the subject or tell him I'm upset then he just stops speaking to me. Like if he ignores me, it will pass. However, that's just making me want one more and I then have more time to think it over. I've even thought of names. They are a variation of his father's name who has just recently died. I obviously haven't told DH this part because then he definitely would stop talking to me. So many people keep asking me if I'm having another (we only have one together) and I just don't know what to say. Unfortunately im on contraception so there's no way a happy accident could happen. Fingers crossed you get one x x



 
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Old Jun 13th, 2018, 08:46 AM   3
Pne1985
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I’m sorry, I mean depending on the kind of contraception it is, it could happen. The chances are slim if used right but I know quite a few that have gotten pregnant on it. It is very devastating. How old is your youngest? We just use the “pull out method” around my fertile time so it could happen especially if I happen to ovulate a different time than normal. I don’t want to trick him into it either because I never would want him to hold that against me or the baby. I know he would be loving and accepting of it if it happened but would be stressed out as well. I primarily except financially take care of the kids. I stay at home with them. There are days I want to rip my hair out and he says “see, that’s why we aren’t having anymore “. But, aren’t there days like that with every job and everything in life? Maybe I need to be more understanding with his decision but like you said, they don’t understand. Not being pregnant and giving birth again and all that comes with is hard to accept!



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Old Jun 13th, 2018, 17:29 PM   4
Lizzybee
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I use the IUD. Something that my husband suggested because I could have the non hormonal one. Now I think about it, that should have been the alarm bell when he suggested it when lo was 4 months old.
Lol is now 4. I don't think it's going to fail. 😔
Everything you are saying is how I feel too, except I work full time so I don't really have the tearing my head out times but I do understand what you mean! I definitely would if I was a sahm!

I do wonder who's being selfish though, him...or me? It's such a sad time.
I don't have any friends to talk to and he won't talk about it. He just falls out with me and doesn't speak to me. But that doesn't make it go away. It makes me want a baby even more.



 
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Old Jun 13th, 2018, 17:30 PM   5
Lizzybee
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Pne, may I ask how old you and DH are?



 
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Old Jun 14th, 2018, 05:27 AM   6
Pne1985
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Oh okay, so he hasn’t even budged slightly for quite a while then? Does he even tell you his reasonings for not wanting more? God love ya, working full time and being a mom plus getting everything done around the house, how do you do it?! Haha. But yes, some days I feel like I constantly have someone working against me when my kids aren’t listening. But regardless, I love them to pieces!

And I ask myself that as well. How do you even compromise with a situation like this? We both originally before we had any kids, said we wanted 4. Then we were content with 1 for a while but both agreed to have another. We never mentioned a number at that point so I tell my husband let’s compromise on 3 since we have 2 now and originally wanted 4! Haha

I will be 33 next month and he is 30. I think we are still young enough. I ideally don’t want kids too late in life but if that’s in my card but accident, I’ll accept it! How old are you and your husband?



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Old Jun 14th, 2018, 17:24 PM   7
Lizzybee
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He has never been decisive, rather he was waiting until our DS started school ( which will be in sept).
I'm 37 and he is 52.
We saved all the baby stuff and put it in the loft ready. But now he's just decided NO. I can't just say ok after 4 years of thinking we would TTC.
To get rid of the stuff is so hard. I've tried and I just cry because I was saving it for LO#2. He told me to put it in the loft. Why would he do that if he had no intention? Why would he be so cruel?
I hate that he won't talk to me about it. It makes it worse.



 
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Old Jun 14th, 2018, 21:02 PM   8
Pne1985
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Yes, waiting for this time for you and now knowing it isn’t ever going to come would be so heartbreaking. Maybe he got comfortable with how your lives are now that you child is more independent and doesn’t want to go through the baby stage again?
Maybe ask him if he realizes that your son will be starting school this year and you’ve been patiently waiting to bear another child? If not, maybe sell all of your stuff or get rid of it. They say that’s usually when you end up pregnant again! Haha



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Old Jun 20th, 2018, 01:16 AM   9
desertgrl
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I am in pretty much the same exact situation! I have a 12 year old daughter and havenít been on birth control and havenít gotten pregnant in these 12 years! Weíve always done the withdrawal method but in the last few months heís been not withdrawing more than ever in the last 12 years (this is so TMI sorry but think this forum is used to it haha) and I probably shouldíve gotten pregnant last month. I got really upset that I wasnít and started doing a lot of research and have been thinking the worst since Iím 38.

I started bringing it up more and also started taking prenatals and trying to prepare and maybe make myself more fertile and one day my husband felt like it was all too much and said he doesnít want another kid and he wonít change his mind. I was absolutely devestated but we talked a little bit later and he said he didnít want to force it and if it happens heíll be happy but he doesnít want to try.

So Iím like if you donít try then it wonít happen! Some days heíll say something about having a baby and I get so confused! But Iím grateful for when he does make those comments.

I actually tracked everything this month and thereís a chance I could be pregnant (only 5 dpo) and I have a obgyn appointment in the morning to start to see if everything is ok with me so Iím kind of worried that Iím not ok and that if Iím not pregnant that I donít know if Iíll get another chance

Iíve just been trying to hand it over to God, take it day by day and have asked in faith that He will bless us with another baby. I also asked For God to make my husband and I have the same heart no matter what that is. Since then Iíve calmed down some and my husband has seemed to come around a tiny bit so will see what happens.

Sorry for the long post, just thought Iíd share since we seem to be in the same boat! Good luck, hoping for the best!



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Old Jun 20th, 2018, 07:12 AM   10
Pne1985
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Quote:
Originally Posted by desertgrl View Post
I am in pretty much the same exact situation! I have a 12 year old daughter and havenít been on birth control and havenít gotten pregnant in these 12 years! Weíve always done the withdrawal method but in the last few months heís been not withdrawing more than ever in the last 12 years (this is so TMI sorry but think this forum is used to it haha) and I probably shouldíve gotten pregnant last month. I got really upset that I wasnít and started doing a lot of research and have been thinking the worst since Iím 38.

I started bringing it up more and also started taking prenatals and trying to prepare and maybe make myself more fertile and one day my husband felt like it was all too much and said he doesnít want another kid and he wonít change his mind. I was absolutely devestated but we talked a little bit later and he said he didnít want to force it and if it happens heíll be happy but he doesnít want to try.

So Iím like if you donít try then it wonít happen! Some days heíll say something about having a baby and I get so confused! But Iím grateful for when he does make those comments.

I actually tracked everything this month and thereís a chance I could be pregnant (only 5 dpo) and I have a obgyn appointment in the morning to start to see if everything is ok with me so Iím kind of worried that Iím not ok and that if Iím not pregnant that I donít know if Iíll get another chance

Iíve just been trying to hand it over to God, take it day by day and have asked in faith that He will bless us with another baby. I also asked For God to make my husband and I have the same heart no matter what that is. Since then Iíve calmed down some and my husband has seemed to come around a tiny bit so will see what happens.

Sorry for the long post, just thought Iíd share since we seem to be in the same boat! Good luck, hoping for the best!

Oh my gosh, I feel like I could have written this! It is so devastating! I pray to God for another baby if itís in His plan for us to and my husband would be totally okay if that was the case but he doesnít want to deliberately ďplanĒ for one. So Iím holding on to some really strong/healthy swimmers that last a while and my faith for maybe a change of heart. But like you said I need to pray for answers either way, whether it be my husbands choice or mine. Good luck for this month and please keep me updated on your results! Women are having babies later in life now and donít seem to have problems so I hope itís the same with you!



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