I was having this problem for a while with my OH. He started taking horny goat weed and some other vitamins to help with the issue and over a little bit of time he got back on track i think the vitamins helped with blood flow in the right places and just helped him get back in the mood
Interesting, I will have a read on the horny goat weed but I'm not sure he wants to take Maca so whether I'd get him to that as well! He is on a 'wellman' vitamin but that's all.
yeah this really worked for him i dont know if it was mentally or what but it worked and we were back in business lol
My OH is almost 37. We've had this issue from time to time and his amounts to stress at work. He can't think sexy thoughts if he's thinking about clients and paperwork etc. We just take those nights as they happen (it's not the same thing I get that). And like Miaw, I don't want to offend!
But if your DH can get up and at 'em for oral and sometimes finishes a little quickly... that's a really positive sign imo that it's could largely be mind over matter. If it was something physical then he wouldn't be getting there at all. And like the other ladies said making babies is pressure on them too. Easier said than done, but try to think about that. If you can excite him in some ways... that's says you're sexy and someone to get excited over!
It is a taboo subject for some guys but honesty is sometimes how you'll root it out. If he's been down then the ADs will help lift that part of the burden. Try to talk to him about other things and find out if there's other stresses that you may not realize which in turn could help you feel a bit better about things too.
I'll be blunt. If he can get you excited in other ways... maybe explore each other for a month and try to rekindle your old sex life. And visit a 'love boutique'. I'm not saying you need to get the whips and chains out but some sexy lotions, some fun things... or just ideas. And if all else fails... try a c*ck ring. Then he can keep things up and get you where you both need to be... and maybe rebuild that confidence after a few goes round? Accomplishments are sometimes the best ego boosters.
And if that doesn't work. Little blue pills are ok too...just be prepared for all the BD you'll need to do to... *ahem* wear him out
Good luck and
It's definitely stress, years of stress that has beaten him down so I completely agree. If we have a holiday he more relaxed and it happens more.
Thanks mate, I don't feel at all sexy, I've gained weight over the last few years which has knocked my confidence too and he hates my loss of confidence too - god we are a bit of mess! I've suggested going back on the pill, I don't really want to, partly because of the baby aim but also because I'm not keen on putting it back in my system. He doesn't want me to either which is good and he says that isn't causing his problems - whether that is true I do not know, could be a subconscious thing that he doesn't realise.
I hope the AD's help, I don't like them really, been there myself in the past and although they do the job they don't solve things long term...but then I'm a hypocrite because all I want is for him to be happy and if they help then I want him to be on them. Fortunately we talk a lot and he is a very open person, that's one of the reasons I love him so much.
You are right we need to have some sexy time without the full on sex, that way we get pleasure and take the pressure off. A nice massage, candles, music - we haven't done that for a while! Always so tired and he works shifts so opportunities don't come up that often. Yeah it is good that he can 'get excited', tbh that hasn't failed to happen, it's just keeping it up that can be the problem or him lasting long enough for us to have a proper session. I think it's habit really, same routine.
I'm not against viagra at all, if it helps then why not.
different but similar situation for me. OH is early 40s, we have been ttc/NTNP for 7 months and had your problem for the 1st 2-3 months. I felt horrible, like he didn't want me. It gradually got better, he could maintain an erection most of the time, but he has only just started to finish in the past 3 times (and only twice!).
I think it's difficult for guys, all the pressure is on their performance cos it they don't performance the chance of conception is zero. And the more they think about it, the less likely it is that it will happen.
Try and take the pressure off, like you say have some romantic time. Personally, I've found not talking about ttc has started to help. I used to get upset in front of him too, and while it was comforting to talk to him about it and have a good cry, it actually made things more and more stressful for us both. You will find a lot of understanding and support here. I am sure things will get better over time too, I never thought it would be so hard!
We have to have hope and believe things will get better. Good luck!!!!
Yes, I believe this thing become normal around this age and level of pressure to perform. I would start with vits as other have suggested. Also, I would also go in to speak with a specialist. Let them confirm that everything is okay. I always say it's health over everything else.
Good luck! I hope everything works out.
P.S. New Sexy lingerie, the color red, sensual/sexy atmosphere, switching up things and not mentioning ttc at all may help in general as well
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