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Old Sep 26th, 2013, 17:35 PM   1
mercedybear
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Angry at DH


My dh went back to work last week and I cant help but be mad at him most nights. Its not his fault, he goes to work so I get up with baby during the night. In the morning I "resent" him because he was able to sleep during the night ( atleast not have to get up every 3 hrs for changing/feedings) and when he says he's "tired" I hit the wall.
Then when he gets home I am in tears because I feel as though I dont get a break. He does change/feed/play with baby after the work day but I am still angry that he gets to "sleep and escape"......could I be suffering from depression? I love my lil one but feel like "what have I done!?" and I feel guilty for feeling that way.



 
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Old Sep 26th, 2013, 17:50 PM   2
Kitteh_Kat
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Totally normal to feel that way; those first few weeks are brutal! It does get better, especially once they start doing more than sleep, eat, and dirty diapers. Can he do night feedings on his days off so you can get some sleep? Also make sure to get some "me" time every day, like a bath or whatever you enjoy so you can recharge. If you're worried about depression definitely talk to your medical provider so you can get whatever help you need. Transitioning to parenthood is hard - keep your head up, and remember to just breathe!



 
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Old Sep 27th, 2013, 13:54 PM   3
mercedybear
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I cant get my dh to take turns for nights as he "goes to work".....the best I can get is a Friday or Saturday night for relief
last night I only got 1.5 hrs of sleep and at this moment Izabelle wont even nap... so tired.
Yesterday DH asked if i threw in laundry " are you kidding me!!!???" my daily break is having a shower at night when dh is home..he does help with her but from 6pm when he gets home till when we get her in her bassinet for a while before I start the nightly routine with her.
I dont drive, I dont "get out" and I "need a haircut badly" I feel like I am suffocating................

Starting to regret my life change at times and miss my old life, not healthy thinking......I know. I have waited for 2 years to have Izabelle and I am ashamed I am thinking this way.



 
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Old Sep 27th, 2013, 15:09 PM   4
Kitteh_Kat
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I know exactly what you mean! I told my husband during those first four weeks that he better enjoy Evie, because she was it! I hated being a mother, and wanted to just escape back to the way things were. Three months later, and I'm already dreaming of the second. Those first weeks are hell, especially if you have little help. He needs to step up and help with night feedings, even if he is working. Even if it's just the first one while you crawl into bed earlier and get some sleep before getting up with her for the rest of the feedings. Do you have any family or friends that could take her for a few hours so you can go get a haircut or have some peace? I know down here there are churches that do "date nights" where they will watch children for a small fee so parents can go out and have a break together. Maybe check with the other parents around you to see if you have similar programs? Or let your partner take care of her for a few hours on his day off and go out to the mall or something.

The important thing is to get some kind of break so you can recharge! It does get better, especially as they get older. Try to sleep whenever she does (I still settle down with Evie for some of her naps so I can catch up with some zzz's!). Hang in there, mama



 
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Old Sep 27th, 2013, 19:46 PM   5
TheNewMrsB
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Been there my hubby does 3x12 hr shifts a week and those are the hard night's. In the beginning he used to say all the time how he was tired etc. In the end I got so annoyed I asked him to stop because I was tired too. It's hard not to see them going to work as an escape from the baby where as we are stuck with them.

I find that if Hubby can be awake for one night feed just to sit up with me I feel less alone and resentful.

It's difficult to explain to men how we feel.

KEep going you are doing amazing x



 
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Old Sep 28th, 2013, 05:40 AM   6
babyhopes2010
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i feel the same altho i will say getting up only every 3 hours is more than i could ever dream of my lo slepts 90mins all night if im lucky

btw my dh works 100hours aweek this time of year



 
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Old Sep 28th, 2013, 11:55 AM   7
kimmym
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OH is the sameeee way.im running out of smartass things to say when he comes home and asks what ive made for dinner
I guess its hard to understand how much work newborns are.i breastfeed too so even when hes home he cant feed her.
I think its normal to feel that way though. Even though you enjoy her it can still be stressful



 
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Old Sep 28th, 2013, 12:11 PM   8
seaweed eater
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I felt this way a bit too. Not angry, but resentful and jealous that he was getting out of the house and I was stuck. It never really got better until I started going to a weekly meeting at work. Just those two hours of grownup time helped A LOT.

But it did help to talk to DH about it and feel that he understood what it was like for me. Even though there was no changing the situation, he expressed empathy and appreciation for everything I was doing. If your DHs are asking whether you made dinner or did laundry, it sounds like they may not understand what it's like for you. It can be very hard to hear those comments (or even "I'm tired" when they got so much more sleep than you). Maybe there's no way they can understand how exhausting it is, but they can at least believe you when you say you are putting absolutely all your energy into this and it is the most relentless and demanding thing you've ever done (or whatever is true for you).



 
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Old Oct 1st, 2013, 23:53 PM   9
funinthesun
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I totally understand, it's so hard. For me, the sleep deprivation badly affected my mental state, I was always in tears and felt like having a baby was a big mistake. My husband could tell I wasn't coping well and really helped me. Even though he was working he still helped out with the night feeds so I could get a little bit of sleep.
I know your husband is working but ask him to help out with one night feed per night . I realise that he will be tired for work , but it won't be forever, as by a few months of age your baby will begin to sleep longer and you won't need your husband's help. I think this is really important for your mental state.



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Old Oct 2nd, 2013, 12:43 PM   10
mercedybear
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i wish i could go to bed and have him do her last feed/change before the all night wakeups...........sometimes she wont go back down until after midnight so since he works thats not an option........
i was frustrated last night as i was trying to eat and she got upset, its my everyday and DH took my frustration as something towards him and he got to lose his temper. wtf...(slamming cupboards). Why doeshe get to lose it and I hate that she startled to the noise or hears us arguing.This is taking a toll on us and I am exhausted!
I am sick of him saying how tired he is..last night i did laundry, changed the cat litter box and made the bed/put away laundry during my "free" time......
ps- after 2 hrs sleep last night Izzy wont let me nap, she has to be held. I just want to throw my coffee cup



 
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